Blame Me Later
by layedoverinboston
Summary: Eclipse from Jared's POV, lemontastic..a little something for team wolfpack. Warning: this gets pretty racy for language, sex, and most all content. You've been warned.
1. Chapter 1, bonfires

All characters and settings belong to S/M , please don't kill me .

This is going to be a story about Jared's view of Eclipse, maybe an occasional other char.

POV but I'm really trying to stay true to the book and not add any stray story branches.

Well here goes…

******************************TheBonfire*******************************

The fire was waning and the food was long gone around the circle. Emily and Sam had politely excused themselves a half hour ago, at the exact moment the stories had finished. We weren't dumb, although Emily tried to pretend we were more like innocent little brothers. We knew by now when she got that look in her eye. Her bad one kinda closes the wider her good-sided smile gets. She leans into him and braids her hand with his. She lets her hair drop and nuzzles her head onto his shoulder. It's the way my dog use to rub up against my grandpas' knee when he smelled bacon. Its cute, if we ALL weren't so grossed out that our older "sister's" sexmones are drenching her panties to the point we can almost taste it in our mouths.

Sam was mid discussion with Billy when he smelled it too. You could tell by the way he was uncomfortably trying to clear his throat and wrap his other arm around himself to caress her head; he was trying to shield her from our knowing smiles. Oblivious, poor Billy kept going on, even using his hands to make the really good points, and Sam's eyes were locked on his so he wouldn't have to make eye contact with any of ours.

Kim rustled herself a little next to me, but it's just because she gets overheated easily when she's tucked into my arm and forgets how warm it is. I lean into her hair and smile when I kiss her head. Of course, this also puts me in direct eye line with Paul. He's currently holding his can vertical, gulping with his chin in the air, making the same eat shit grin I am. His eyebrow raises and he looks at me, then looks at Sam, and looks back at me. Even Lame-O Embry is chuckling into his bag of chips like there's something funny at the bottom. Its times like these I'm glad Jake isn't around. He left even earlier when his vamp-humping pretend girlfriend fell asleep at the butt crack of 11'oclock. Being this close to Bell_ugh, _and smelling our pack mama this wet would have put his junk into overdrive and definitely raged a hard on for the remainder of the evening. Not to mention whoever ran patrol with him later tonight would have to listen to the mind numbing fantasy of him taking her doggystyle at First beach on repeat.

Kim and I were among the last to sit and watch the embers glow away. The only ones left were Sue and Billy engrossed about something or other and Seth was sitting Indian style in front of them, trying to pretend he's not totally homo-obsessed with anything Billy says. Leah was lurking around close by somewhere in the woods, waiting for her mom to go home. She takes walks a lot now. Old Quil had driven Quil and Embry home, and now just Paul poked around the other side of the fire, intent on roasting all the marshmallows left in the bag. Occasionally he looked up and nodded when Sue or Billy asked him to concur with something they said, but at least I knew he was only sticking around for the food.

Kim sighed a little when she rustled against me this time. I could tell the difference between these little signals she was giving me. I was fine tuned to them now. The way her sigh made her shoulders drop and the way her finger made little circles on the back of my hand clearly stated she was bored but depressed that the evening was over and she would have to go home.

I let her keep caressing my hand for a few more minutes before I grabbed hers and squeezed to let her know it was time. I stood up first; our hands still locked, and pulled her up too. It was sweet how she always had to readjust her shirt when she stood up, afraid someone might get a look and some bare skin somewhere. If only she knew how bare I wish she was most of the time. Holding hands again, we turned to face the grown ups. Sue raised her eyes and nodded a goodbye at Kim and Billy did the same in a more manly fashion to me. Seth looked up at both of us with a goofy wave and said "Bye guys". Paul could only be bothered to look up from his flaming mallow to touch two fingers to his forehead in a lazy salute. I knew he was probably waiting around now to get some one on one time with Leah. Fat chance, dicksplatter. Kim did that cute wiggle-her-fingers-next-to-her-face wave at the parents and turned us around to walk to the car. She never said much around the guys. It wasn't fear, just a little self conscious. We were a tight little family, and not that we weren't warm to the lady friends, but sometimes there was just a distinct "he-man, woman-hater club" vibe to our discussions. Even Leah had bigger balls than most regular guys. Kimmy didn't mind most of the time. She was just happy to be around. And I certainly was happy she was around, especially at time like this.

I was brought out of my retarded mind discussion by the vision before me. She had let go of my hand and felt confident enough by the light of the moon to walk ahead of me a few feet. Her ass. Oh her Ass. Her hands were in the pockets of her unzipped hoodie, stretching across her front so that they crossed over each other. This made the material of the back tight and accentuated her skinny little jeans and that glorious ass. My hands tingled with the ache to reach up and juice it. Seeing as this would seriously dampen my chances for later on, I choose the chivalrous path to her hips instead and wrapped both my arms around her in a vice grip. We both fumbled forward a little and she wrapped her arms around mine like doing a pull up and giggled (the first time I'd her voice in hours). The sound, mixed with feeling the front of her body through her hoodie and the already for mentioned fantastic ass, made little Jared pulse to an eye opening hardness. I couldn't help the moan I made into her neck. Her thin hood was up around her head now but I could just see in my mind the way her eyes rolled at my reaction. Little Jared and Kimmy had a very strict understanding. They only played when Kim was in the mood and only far_, __**far**_ from the prying ears of any other super hearing mythical creature/guy.

We were half way to the car now and I was suddenly a little bit sad knowing it would be three whole days before I could see her again. Her parents not being privy to the werewolf in-crowd, they kept insisting she attend these Podunk weddings for great, twice removed cousins _constantly_. It seemed every month she was going off to these ridiculous affairs. How many relatives of marrying age could she have? Her being so far away made me uneasy. Like anything could happen. She wasn't a trouble magnet like BellaMcclutsopants or anything, but I still felt better when I could touch her.  
She finally reached up behind her to hold my cheek and whispered. "I'm glad I came"

"Me too, or rather, I'll be glad when you do it again later." I was pushing my luck but my little guy had yet to resend back down. I made my point firmer by pushing into her ass for effect. She giggled but quickly slapped my face and then rested the hand back on my cheek.

With a slightly annoyed tone she added "Sometimes I like you better when you're horny."

"Then you are really gunna love me tonight" I squeezed her a little tighter. "But seriously, I'm glad you did too. It's nice having my woman around when the pack has stuff like this. I dunno…it makes us seem more…official..kind of." She laughed a sigh and then I dropped my arms when I felt the frisky spring in her step she got when we reached the clearing where we parked. She walked to the driver side of her old accord and held her key ring above her head, feeling around her enormous amount of key chains and squinting by the light of the moon for the car key. I held the door handle waiting for the click and looked up to see her still squinting in determination with her tongue poked out the side of her mouth. I always forget about my wolf-vantages like night vision.

"So…what'd you think?" Finally finding the key, she opens the door and we both get inside.

"oh you know, it was great. Not gunna lie…..it was a bit hard to follow sometimes. But there was also something drawing about it…. Like a fairytale." She nodded to herself like she'd said something ridiculous and started the car. We pulled back onto the main road and she was already in comment mode. "Emily made me feel like we were in Lit class, all those notes….., I bet she got really good grades, well better than you anyway. And Sam! Did you see how awkward it was when everyone was making fun of him for Emily's randy hands?"

"Well yea she totally had the loo…wait what? You kn.." but he couldn't even finish a sentence before she was babbling about something else.

"Oh pleeeze..it wasn't nearly as bad as Jacob stealing looks at that Bella girl every 12 seconds like he wanted to know her reaction to _everything_ in the story."

"Yea well, he's into her, A LOT if you can't tell." There was a silence as she readjusted her hands on the steering wheel.

"Do you think she's pretty?" Aha! One of these Womenfolk riddles carefully laid to trap unsuspecting weremen by the balls. You'd think the answer is easy, but that's where those of us that are unseasoned warriors make the mistake. How to decide…..

"Ummm…Jake thinks she is"

"You think she's pretty" There was no question this time. Just a slightly disappointed matter of fact statement.

"Not a chance. I like them a little tanner." I wiggled my eyebrows like a total Quil move.

"Well, there's no saying she's unattractive or anything, but there is something about her..a little egotistical maybe. Like she wants people to think she's harmless but maybe she's actually always playing an angle. I dunno. I feel sorry for Jacob. It's a shame he doesn't even get any play out of her. If what you've told me about these vampires is true, she's deaf, dumb, or blind to choose them over him. And really I don't understand why she gets both." She took a breath to adjust her bra strap that gave me a great view of some chest skin. "Besides, who would want a bloodsucking rock to get naked with anyway. If you ask my opinion, she's being kind of a cunt, and obviously not one Jake can get into."

It was after monologues like this one where I had to roll my tongue up from the floor that I was positive this was the woman who would carry my children. She may not say much around anybody but me, but she was always watching. And always pulled out vocab words that made me seriously dream about what the inside of her thighs tasted like. But again, off on another tangent before I could catch my wind.

"Oh and Seth is just getting adorable. He really has grown overnight. I bet you he would love to go out with Amy's little sister. And I bet he would reall.." this time I didn't let her finish before I made a hacking gagging sound like I was about to throw up, which she subsequently hit the back of my head for. The rest of the ride was spent picking our favorite parts of the stories and sneaking my hand onto her thigh one finger at a time. When we got to my street she pulled over on the curb and cut the car off. This was our normal awkward moment. We hadn't done the deed yet, oh who I am kidding? We hadn't even climber Mt. Oral. But touching was permitted, and touching certain body parts to other certain unconventional body parts happened on occasion. But it was never pre-determined .And always left me wanting more in a very dangerous and uncontrollable way. I always hinted that more would be nice, but I never pressured her. She was my everything and no matter how much I would never admit to anyone out loud, making sure she was happy was all I needed. Plus even though she talked big, she was actually pretty nervous about this stuff and far less experienced than me in my few sexual encounters. I don't think she was apposed to being physical I think it just overwhelmed her and at a little scary at the moment.

"So ummm, I guess I'll see you when I get back from Oregon. It's only three days."

"Yea, only" I made sure to drop my head and pout my lip on the second word"

"Oh don't be such a baby; you know I would stay with you if my parents were allowed to know…" She was testing the waters again. I told her the law over and over. Imprints were permitted. Parents of imprints didn't make the cut.

"Baby, you know the rules" She twisted in her seat and brought one leg up under the wheel."

"Dumb"

"Its ok I guess, cause I would just be running a lot anyway. Double shifts this weekend you know"

"I know, I know, I just get so frustrated when they ask me stuff and I don't have answers cause nothing make sense. Like that time in February when I came in with those heat spots all over my neck like I'd been sunburned. Just because we decided making out was better than actually watching Push in the movie theatre. I wasn't even wearing the parka and mittens I'd worn out of the house into the snow. She was convinced we'd done drugs or something."

" Oh Hannah, how she would adore me if she just knew secretly deep down how much she already loves me."

" Pfff right, she thinks I can do better. She says it all the time…oh oh! And that time we followed my parents to Canada For Charlie's gymnastic competition and I had to come up with a lame excuse as to why we couldn't drive the 6 miles through "Cullen territory" and had to go around on the fucking 46 mile detour?!?!"

"What can I say? Your guy has particular extracurricular activities. And you still would prefer me to…" and I was lost again in her bra adjusting. Before I could register what I was doing, my body filled the gap between us and she was pinned up to her window.

" MMm…you know…..if this keeps up…..I'll forget all about the….wedding." She was trying to be coy as I suckled down her neck.

"That's…..exactly…the point." I said between mini-hickeys. My hard-on was back in full force, and all I wanted to do was close my eyes and imagine burying it so deep inside..

"Oh, mmmmm, yea.." She was killing me and she didn't know how dangerous it was to try to kill me these days. I had to do something or my blue balls were gunna explode. Her flexi legs were now spread sideways on either side of me. And I was on my knees with the middle console flipped up and out the way.

"Oh Jar…Jared….your fingers..I need." No need to go on, I pleaded internally. This was diagram #356 in the book called things I want to do to you at the drop of a hat. My fingers unzipped her pants and then went back to feeling her boob through her shirt and restraining her neck as much as I thought I could without hurting her. She pushed back a little so I could lie back on my chair and she could stand on her knees to bring her pants down. After a lot of uncomfortable shimmying, both legs were out and my princess's scent flooded that Honda like a beach in Thailand. She leaned over me and our eyes locked for the briefest of moments. But I was impatient and was moving her panties aside and playing with her folds before she could register. She closed and threw her head back and started panting I poked one finger and made sure to take care and lap up all the juice. She kept rubbing herself onto my finger and panted louder. A 2nd finger was added and I gripped her hip with my other hand. Judging by how wet she was it wasn't going to take long.

" Oh , oh Jared….."

"That's it baby, That's it….oh fuuck."

"Jared, deeper….deeper."

" Oh OH, youre so wet for me."

"MMMMMM…"

And just like that, three more good plunges and m'Lady was choking my digits with the sweetest, wettest pussy in the world. I let her come down for a few minutes and then slowly took them out of her. My blue balls be damned, this was my life. Her warm, slightly shaking body collapsing on top of me as I bestow a chaste kiss to her forehead. She put her pants back on and mumbled something about getting beauty sleep and then we had a long passionate kiss before she kicked me to the curb. I watched her drive away and had to start reciting Spanish verbs so that when I furploded in a couple of seconds, whoever was already wolfed out wouldn't get a birds eye view of Kimmy's scrumptious sweaty bod. And……yep, just enough useless drabble to get stark naked in my front yard hulk out into my alter ego.

I started running down towards the cliffs impulsively. I could her Quil finishing his second lap.

" Soooo..things went well for you I guess?"

"You could say that, if by well you mean slippery and fantastic."

"Then that's definitely what I mean." And then as if a dam exploded, images of naked Bella flooded our minds. Her bent over and spread wide in front of the piece of white driftwood. She was moaning and sighing louder this time, and I swear he imagined slapping her left ass cheek.

"Ugggh…sorry guys, I was really trying"

"Jaaaaake, this is like Cinemax trainer porn, either get out of our heads our get a new position."

** so, give me thought**


	2. Chapter 2, breakfast

Again don't shoot me S/M, all these characters are yours.

So I wasn't really sure if this was gunna be more than a one shot but I just decided that I was too curious as to what was going on during that whole damn book if you weren't living in Forks. I don't even know where I'm going with this yet, but I have a few ideas and if nothing else, I too just wanna see what happens.

So then, my guy…

*****************************breakfast**********************************

Kimmy sat on my dresser, chest heaving, with sweaty matted hair pulled behind one ear. Besides being completely naked, she had put on deep smoky eye shadow and thick black eyeliner (something she had really never done before). Her body was covered in a fuckable sheen of sweat and she had her arms behind her bod, supporting her weight. This caused me to not only get a slight view of her bare back in the reflection of the mirror behind her, but also made her tits stand prominently out. Round and delicious. I was sitting with my pants off in a chair a few feet in front of her.

Slowly squeezing and rubbing my own dick to the pulse of her heaving breasts, her chest started to rise and fall more erratically. Her new big dark eyes would stare and then focus on mine before she'd start to breath unevenly again, and then close them and lick her lips. Suddenly her eyes connected with mine again and she was spreading those luscious legs so they bent high on either side of her, and both feet balanced on the edge of the dresser. My breathing was picking up as I stared straight faced into her completely bare and slap swollen twat. She rebalanced herself and took one arm from behind her, and brought the flat and stiff as a board hand to the front of her face. She closed her eyes again and gave one long lick from the bottom of her palm to the top of her fingers. I could feel my dick covered in a new coat of precum on the current rub down my shaft. My body's obvious reaction to her last tongue movement.

And as if I wasn't about to pop, she took her beautiful hand down to that red and juicy pussy and started rubbing. The skin on my dick felt like it was going to tear itself open, it was getting so tight and hard. She just kept rubbing and pinching herself. These little intakes of air and humming gasps started to escape her lips. I could tell she wanted to throw her head back against the mirror, but she was trying her hardest to keep her eye contact with me. As her ministrations became rougher and her legs start to vibrate with exhaustion, she would occasionally let head lull back and her eyes would flutter closed, but always open again immediately to keep looking at me. I was gripping myself even tighter, preparing for the final lap.

"That's it baby girl. That's it. Keep touching that wet, soaking pussy. Slap it baby. Slap it hard" She listened and abruptly slapped the taught skin between her pouty pussy lips. She sighed again and continued rubbing. "Oh fuck…..you…….make me so …har..hard" Mutual rubbing and sweating continued only for a few seconds before I felt rain falling on my crotch. I looked down to see myself rubbing through the invisible rain as things around me started to black out and disappear. As if I finally understood I was never going to shoot a load long enough to cover her perfect silky stomach, the vision of her melted away into the blackness too and I was poked in the face.

My eyes slowly opened to the bright light of my room. My youngest brother Aaron was sitting on my bed, covering my pillow and touching my face with his little fingers. My other little brother Johnny was standing further down the bed letting his tiny water pistol drip onto the sheet covered tip of my cock now standing at full attention as I lay in bed.

"UGGHHH…..MOOOOMM!" As quick as I could I covered myself and jumped through/around them, wrapping myself in the sheet. "What have I told you little shits about coming in my room?" Johnny, now 5, straightened up and pointed the pistol back at me.

"Mom sad we gotta wayke you up now cause Pawl is here butthowl." A smirk kind of mirroring one of mine spread across his face they way it always did the few times he ever got to prove me wrong.

"I don't fucking care what mom said, I'm gunna kill you the nex.." Aaron, 4 and the quieter and more reserved of my mothers little hellions had taken my distracting argument with Johnny as an opportunity to sneak up next to me and poke my still hard penis through the sheet. I groaned in disgust and slapped his hand away at the same time I started walking to the door. One hand fisted in the sheet to keep it above my crotch and the other cupped around my mouth so my voice would carry downstairs. "I don't want them in my fucking room!"

I turned to face them and puffed out my chest. With the hand not holding up my navy blue man-toga, I pointed straight out the door. "Out, Out now." I wasn't yelling, but my tone had a curt annoyed ring. Aaron just walked past me like it was any other question, not bothered at all by anything that had just occurred. Where as Johnny walked slower and more annoyingly by. He was holding his pistol next to his face and his eyes were skeptical.

"Yew dun't haveta yell at us just cause your pepee's sick." I stared at the

ceiling and rolled my eyes. After slamming my door really hard for effect, I dropped the sheet and stood naked in front of my dresser. I looked at little Jared in the mirror and the dropped my head to give him the depressing news in person.

"Sorry boys, …..later." I opened the drawer and pulled out a pair of jeans. No need for boxers these days when one might have to wolf-out at a howl's notice. The idea of my mom downstairs alone with Paul without me there to supervise, deflated him surprisingly quick. It was an ongoing joke Paul played on me ever since Jr. High that I never, since the beginning, found remotely funny. He would always ask my mom specific questions or set her up to say obliviously raunchy things or rare sex positions. She never caught on and just kept going with the conversation, but I was always left trying to stifle my grumbles and holding back the punch that would knock that dumbass smile off his face. It baffled me how he always knew what her word choice would be to the most left field questions. The only one I ever respected was the great "DirtySanchez" outburst of Thanksgiving 06'. It baffled me how good he was at it. But my mom wasn't completely innocent in all this. It was _her_ birth control pill fumble that resulted in tweedledumb and tweedledouchebag. To this day she was still scratching her head how _that_ happened. In the middle of a hormone pumped rant while being pregnant for the second time in 12 months, she first accused my father of witchcraft, but ultimately demanded he get the old colonel snipped. I had condensed a theory that it was probably just my dad's dormant furrygene feeling the returning presence of the Cullen's and pushing through my mom's cervix at any cost. I never mentioned my thoughts to the old man; it was probably just salt in the wound at this point.

I flew down the stairs three at a time at just the moment Aaron was crawling back into the house through the doggy door. He's such a retard sometimes.

"Jar, I'm doing darks next. If you can go get your dirty jeans?" I breezed past her with no intention of going back upstairs before I ate something. Ignoring Paul in my peripheral vision, I opened the fridge and reach for the orange juice. My hand encountered and empty void between the milk and mayonnaise. I turned to see if it was already on the table but instead saw Paul holding the carton above his head, obviously emptying it of the last few drops.  
"………..Prick" I closed the door without looking at it and stared at him and his vampplugging stupid smile. My mom then chimed in at the stove with her back still to us.

"Don't be a whiner JJ, there's apple juice on the bottom." As if a man could adequately substitute apple juice after a long night of life risking-patrol running!? With a defeated shrug I pulled out the chair next to him and scooped the oatmeal into a bowl.

"So, anything?"

"Nothing, Not a scent. I know she had a visitor or whatever, but just like every other time Jake over reacts, I think it might not be the strategic action of a mastermind." He took a moment of thought, drawn between the skepticism of Bella's centrality to the situation and the hope that she really was so he could get his hands on some fangmeat."She's not even that hot".

Paul was not only my un-admitted bromance since the 4th grade, but also my best wingman when it came to fight. We both shared a common enjoyment of the same things, _**AND**_ the same realist views on most everything. I never thought she was much to look at, but I hadn't been looking in while. Since Kim, I didn't even see the merit in porn anymore. I probably wasn't the most bias guy to ask. We both just shoveled our faces for a few minutes after that, too content in eating to communicate. Unless you count when my mom bent over to open the oven and Paul leaned his head in her direction and then vibrated his tongue out of his mouth like he was massaging an invisible clitoris. I averted my eyes and stabbed my fork into his thigh.

"Son of a bitch!" Little blood spots started to appear on his pants around the erect fork sticking out of his lap. He whined a little as he pulled it out of his upper leg, but it was healed in seconds and he didn't retaliate because he knew he deserved it. After a course of toast and eggs it was back to business.

"Yea so it's you, me, Seth, Quil, and Collin tonight on first run, and Leah on swing shift at dusk."

"What about 1st swing shift?" I only inquired because it was by far the worst of all worst jobs. It was at the most annoying part of the day, longest route, and I hadn't done it in a while. Instead of letting him wait for my hopes to build and then smashing it in my face when I was all content, I decided to just ask if it was my turn.

"Jake, _again_. You know how he gets. Won't let anyone take the run next to her house cept him" In unison we both rolled our eyes in disgust.

"Ha-hem," that woman who had been listening to our oatmeal ramblings without comment and had to stick her nose in. She walked the pan full of bacon to the table and emptied it onto a plate.

"I think it's sweet. It would be nice if either of you showed some extra initiative. Maybe helped out the pack without being asked. Speaking of which,….. Paul, your grandmother told me some juicy little tidbits about a certain young lady when I bumped into her at the checkout."

Paul clapped both his hands against his cheeks. Not from embarrassment of his grandmother's gossip, but that she still talked about him and things like girls as if this was 1895, and he were courting them. He had moved in with his grandmother and 2nd cousins when he was 10, and the sweet little old battle axe still thought she had to pack him a lunch for school.

"Mom, you know he's just fucking her." I couldn't help it because of course she was talking about Amy (who we all knew was Paul's current, emotionless plughole), and I hated when my mom got these delusions that at any time Paul was more romantic than me. As if exasperated that she'd done so well all morning at the "Good mom routine" she huffed and then put her arms on her hips,

"Sometimes you are such a pissy little asshole". Then carefully leaned in and grabbed my ear to yank me to her lips so she could sternly say "And I wasn't fucking kidding about the jeans." She then took off her apron and left the kitchen.

"So so,…. Leah let you see the Cave of Wonders or what?" We didn't refrain from this kind of talk in front of my family. I just didn't want him to hold back on any of the dick sucking details of how much he didn't get any.

"As a matter of fact." He said suggestively reaching for the box of cereal again.

"BULL FUCKING SHIT!"

"Ok, maybe not. But I got in a great ass grab before she told me to sit and rotate on myself and then furred out and snapped at my jugular." He was remarkably pleased at the hedge way he was making. It wasn't a secret that he was constantly trying to get inside Leah's honey cunt, but knowing Sam didn't alpha override the situation _because_ it was Leah, made Paul unaware of over stepping lines when it came to her. "Besides she didn't break any bones this time. I think FrostyQueen is warming up to the idea of sucking on a Paul popsicle." Ludicrous his reasoning may be, I had yet to set the record straight in hopes a Leah retaliation might happen in front of the pack, and possibly seeing her so mad she might actual claw his ass up. BFF or not, it would deff be the #1 rerun in patrol pack-mind TV-Land.

"MMMM..(He said between bites) You and Moaning Lisa take the plunge yet?" I picked up the fork again and silently we both decided this discussion was over.

After Paul left, I went back upstairs and tried to sleep a little. It was too late and my muscles were restless, so instead of taking a little wolf jog to Canada, I decided to take a shower and see if Kim would reappear on the counter of my sink. After washing my hair, and realizing lady love was not returning, I took matters into my own hands with some Old Spice shampoo.

I leaned into the shower, one hand on the wall the other giving my junk the lovin it had been craving all morning. I thought about her hair and the way it brushed the middle of her back when she didn't have a shirt on. The smell of her breasts when she was close to cumming. And I especially thought about the glazed over look in her eye when I was knuckle deep inside her, and was embarrassed that she wanted to ask me to rub rougher or go deeper. But then I know Kimmy. She's my Kimmy. I always want to make her cum as hard as she can. Imagining how she sounded when she was on the brink. Clutching my arm and fucking using her dirty little mouth to pant the most enticing words.

My balls were so tight they felt like they were trying to squeeze out little diamonds. A few more pumps. All I needed was a few more pumps. My head dropped to the tile and I remember how her muscles clench around my fingers and her mouth opens wide in the long moment when she closes her eyes and stops breathing. And then my eyes tingle and wolf kids all spurt to the bottom of the shower and swirl down the drain.

I just stand there with my hand still on my dick, reveling in the memory of my best Kimgasm in at least the last 6 hours and then I hear a flush from the bathroom in next to me that shares a wall. The water turns to ice and I start stuttering profanities as the superdoggy hearing picks up the Johnny Chuckles walking away from the other bathroom. It's a sad day when all I try to do is think of my caramel colored goddess and all that comes to mind is that little water pistol welding brat.

"…………………cockblock."

***Reviews ppl, I need to know if this has a future.***


	3. Chapter 3, Megan Fox

So readers; I will NEVER EVER AGAIN update this quickly in succession, but lucky for me I live on the VA coast. If any of you are paying attention were sort of in a hurricane. So since everything from college to Kroger was closed today due to flood warnings, I neither had to go to school or work. Among other things I had a little time to spend with my sweetheart.

SIDE NOTE: this weekend I am going home to the ATL for a joyous festivities betrothed to those of us who can't take off work to actually go home _during_ thanksgiving. So as I will be hung up with things like friends, a preemptive turkey dinner, malls that know what things like bcbg are, and over 2hr of real life wolf pack on Nov 20, I will not make time to update until after I'm home. Also, my real life man is taking leave to be home the same time I am. So as much as Jared is my first draft pick, he will be soo 2nd string for the next 10 days.

As always s/m owns it all…I just borrow a few of her men.

*************************************************Megan Fox*******************************************************

It had been a whole day since Kimby left me for those genital wart licking relatives of hers. A whole day of desperately trying to remember the exact aroma her panties had after 15 minutes of saying goodbye out in the car. A whole day since the wettest son-goddess in the world, begged me to make her cum. And unfortunately, only about the last 9 minutes since I've been not depressed enough about this fact to leave my fortress of solitude, built of Halo and pizzarolls. After folding and strapping on a freshly laundered pair of jeans that my mom dropped off during level 4 (a pair which I certainly did not deliver to the laundry room myself after the lady had the audacity to meddle in a man's pack business), I jumped out the second story hall window trying to perfect the mid-air dogplosion my man Jake only had the basketballs to pull off. I was only pawed out by the time I hit the ground, but was pussypickled determined to get it before school started.

It was technically my rotation off, but it was just a mind-blowing waste if I had to spend it with my birth defected sibling nuggets. A bonus was suddenly being brain linked to my wolf bro's cummings and goings, helping to distract Jared Jr. from his Kimless predicament. It was still the day shift, but I didn't mind pulling a double. For some reason I had a feeling I wanted to be present if anything balls-out funny was to occur with the guys today. (Somehow never finding knee slappers as giggle worthy when I have to read them through somebody like Embry's memories).

Both Jacob and Embry were rounding the Southern boundary in opposite directions, about the cross paths to wind in the patrol perimeter. It had been a shitless minute since we had any action, and even _that_ fun had to be strangled from our crumby paws. After nearly making puppy chow of the sneaky red headed bitch a half dozen times, our dominating assault strike turned out to be just the Cullen's taking a grayish illegal joyride through Quileute stomping ground. Paul would have had him by his bloodless ballsack if corpse-my-cockgoldenlocks hadn't shown up. And to be specific, Quil totally smelled her downwind and had the perfect set up to rip out her momentarily unprotected back, but the loser hasn't all the way adjusted to the riggers of war, and still annoyingly hesitates with the vampgirls. I would have gone at least 4 hours sans-kim, to have been in the position to take blondie out myslef. There was no question as to my badassness, because there definitely would have been one less bloodsucking Cullen to deal with had I been able to take point. A fact at which I made very clear to Quil and his lady pity ego for the entire month following the excitement. Female or not, I would have punched her in right in her prissy dead ovaries.

I was nearly to the Eastern Border of our forest (a fave nature trail for firehair, since she knows its touching components with Cullen land and our hesitance to follow), and I asked Jake which circle he wanted me to make.

"You're early, so I guess just follow the line south and make a full perimeter until Leah crosses with you at the beach."

"10-4, you want me to do an extra lap near her house?" I was annoyed at his obsession, but I had my man's back.

"Nah, I'm heading up there anyway to get a head start on swing shift…Just make sure Seth and Collin know to stay in Center Zone tonight. I don't want them playing hero dogs and having there asses uncovered on the outskirts. Just in case we do run into anything."

"On it." I may choke his chicken all the time about his vampire lover-lover? But he was a good guy. Always lookin out and being a better brother than we deserved.

" I fucking love you too." He said in the most belligerent annoyed tone he could muster using a voice inside his head. And then he turned north towards Forks. Moving at triple speed, he fell out of conversation mode and into an unconscious blur of green and dirt. Which left just me and lame-o to shoot the shit in our fearless alpha's unexplainable absence.

"Sooooooooooooo….who's is it gunna be tonight? Bee Arthur or Rosie O'Donnell?

Whenever Embry and I are alone in our thoughts and our fanghunting, I always try to pass the time with a game I had construed to level the playing field between our mix matched interests and abilities. I was way faster and a little quicker in my reflexes than he was, but strategy wise nobody beat him. He wasn't anywhere near the biggest or the strongest, so all he had was his brain. His big sexy brain. Which I would never complain about anymore since realizing the perks of it. He and I never talked before the change, but after, me and the guys always stuck together; even at school. Sitting next this chubby in Chem class boosted my test grades 10fold in the semester I had to take advantage of it. Bros before Ho's who give multi page essay questions. He always wrote real big and scooted his paper to my side of his desk. So seeing as how any mental or physical competition was clearly in favor of one of us, the game I had made up took absolutely shit of that to mind. It was simple really. We both take a haggard or fugly broad, and see who can come up with the dirtiest most realistic sex fantasy with her. Poor Emb hadn't lost his cherry yet, and no matter what I ragged on the guy for, me and some of the fellas had taken it upon ourselves to get him at least laid by graduation. Despite his tangible naivety in the subject, he was surprisingly good at the game. Either he had his nose surgically attached to an anatomy book, or he would have to have religiously watched more porn than anyone I've ever met in my entire life. I could see Leah phasing in on the North end of the Res, and almost feel her grown/growl when realizing it was Embred game time. She tried her best to focus on the trail and pretend she couldn't hear us.

"Ughhh, that's like asking if I want to drink A- or O+".

"Sorry. Rules are rules. And if you don't decide quick I'm gunna make you do Miss Daisy again. Believe me, I would _LOVE _to see you try and top the reverse cowgirl on that old bag of bones." It was quiet for a few minutes and even though he didn't say anything, I had this feeling in my head like pissy and disgusted. After a little longer, Jake phased out completely and I figured he was fleshing it out peeping tom style to watch her read or whatever she does. Suddenly, to my delight, a hazy Rosie was climbing a staircase to hover over the biggest, blackest dildo in the history of existence. She was dressed only in a way too tiny scout-slut outfit; licking her lips and screaming to God like a Mississippi Jesus freak how much she wants it in the butt. This kind of raw initiative lit a fire under my ass and I started comparison shopping nipple rings on Bee's distinguished fun bags. Leah was more than disgusted, but still tried to pretend she was concentrating on the rocky terrain at the cliffs. As I was deciding on a color for miss Bee's fishnet bodysuit, and at the same time Rosie got a knock at her door in the form of a pizza delivery guy, a Bloodcurdling, unmistakable howl erupted close to town, accompanying the in phase of our alphas mind.

"One of you, , NOW!" It was the only thought Sam could relay before he phased out again but I was already changing direction like a Tokyo drift. Embry and Leah headed in the direction of her house, ready to circle in a protective perimeter. It was only a minute or two later when Seth phased in. He was standing in his back yard, a few feet away from his screened in porch, looking on at the small crowd huddled outside the door. As if pressing rewind on a VHS tape, we all (including the rest of the pack popping into mind one by one), started getting a sped up version of the events of the afternoon.

Billy was wheeling his ass around the produce section of one of only two little-type general stores that you could buy groceries at on the reservation. Out of nowhere, the owner's wife Mrs. Casados bursts through the back door from the adjoining house and starts balling into tears. She's flailing all around and sobbing about an ambulance and then the other two shoppers start asking her what's wrong. By this time, I'm only minutes away and the rest of the pack is watching on from there scattered posts. The only one not present and accounted for was Collin. Only weeks into the club, so he hadn't mastered all the bells and whistles of pack life yet. Such as, no matter what episode of Hannah Montana you may be secretly watching, when papa howls, you come a'runnin.

At this point in Seth's movie, Mrs. C is still blubbering incoherently but starts spouting words like fever and sick and Brady and shaking and hospital, all while holding the phone and being so upset she can't decide which buttons to push. Like the true Chief blood running through his veins, Billy reaches for her hands, and for a moment he just firmly holds them and stares calmly in her eyes. She momentarily stops crying and her eyes get bigger when she looks at him,

"Calm down Annie, calm down. Take me to him." The other shoppers, more confused than anything else, just kind of stand there and watch him roll through the back door. They go through the little living room where the middle of some Anne Hathaway movie plays on, obviously been abandoned as has the half spilled bag of popcorn on the floor. Billy was through the kitchen and into the back family room when he saw him. Shaking and sweating profusely curled up on the floor. Both his twin sister and his two smaller sisters (also twins) were sitting in the corner, all on the same giant recliner, looking on horrified at their brother. His teeth were clenching and he was straining all his muscles holding himself around his legs.

"Wwweee werre all about to sit down to lunch and I told Bbbbrady that he needed tttttooo mowwww the lawn before his dad got home. He just ssstttarted shaking and sweating and yelling. He crawlled out here and just started shhhhaking harder and saying how bad it hurts and how hot he is." All Billy did was look down at the phone now in his hands and dialed Sam's number.

By this time I was more content to just look on at scene myself since I was now standing next to Seth. Sam was here, human, crouching over Brady now on the steps of the Clearwater's, with Billy a few feet behind in the porch. The Clearwater's were only a few streets away from the Casado's store, and he was probably brought here for a more secluded atmosphere for what was about to happen. His parents were hugging each other, terrified a good distance away from the porch, and Sue held on to Natalie supportively, who had her twin sisters tucked between them.

Sam had his hands on Brady's chest and on the top of his head. He was heaving in between sobs and switching between a look of awkward confusion about Sam's proximity and a face holding the most excruciating pain.

"Let it out Brady. It will hurt less if you stop fighting it. Just breathe and let your body take control." His mother's sobs just kept getting louder at this point. I was a little annoyed it was taking up my attention.

"Brady listen, listen to me. This will all make sense soon. I'm not leaving you. I'm going to stay right here. You just need to let go and trust me."

Not even able to disobey pre shift, he slowly started getting up, the way a man in wheel chair might try to. With Sam's hand protectively hovering over his shoulder he started stumbling away from the house to the middle of the yard. He turned around to everyone with a very scared look on his face, uncontrollably shaking his fists were they hung. Sam, who was now keeping away a little distance made eye contact with him and just nodded. Brady looked around at everyone there, lingering on the eyes of his parents and started to nod his head back and fourth.

"Don't fight it." Sam repeated. And almost as if he looked into the face of death, his body contorted and he left out a scream the slowly turned into a howlish growl. His body was replaced by the gangly form of an oversized honey colored wolf with brown spots and oversized feet. He stood on fours still shaking, even more confused than before.

We could all feel his pain of the first time and the splitting headache that his new wolf mind was tearing into him with all the new sensory overload. We all tried to be calm and sincere and understanding in our thoughts. It was the least we could do for the poor little kid.

But unlike three weeks ago when we went through a similar situation with Collin behind the soccer field, Brady's thoughts were much different. Instead of just wrapping in the pain and confusion of being a wolf, and trying to recite all the current Dallas Cowboys stats to calm himself down like Collin, Brady was thinking in jumbled layered thoughts. They were all mixing and crossing going a million miles and hour. On top of being scared and confused and hurting, there were also these flashing images of colors and pictures and photographs and memories. Like he was on some kind of crazy acid trip trying to figure out the square root of grape soda and the middle guitar cords to stairway to heaven and the memory of being ashamed of a class picture and Jessica Alba naked. Make that Rihanna, no now Megan Fox.

I liked the fucker already.

***You know what do ppl. I introduce you to my man, you introduce me to your thoughts***


	4. Chapter 4, Scent: part I

Alright kiddies, addressing some things first of all. I know this story flows along at the speed of a puddle, but that's kind of the point. I don't want to fabricate any plot twists that couldn't be actually going on during Eclipse and if you can't tell, mostly right now I'm trying to lay down all the immense detail that left me missing. But as you can probably guess, things heat up for my heartthrob after the grad party, as it does for him in the book. So just stick along for the ride.

Secondly and a little oddly, I am really a girl. I got an email from someone actually asking me if I was a guy too embarrassed to admit to writing twilight ff. To answer her questions about my muse, it's just the way I imagined and hoped Jared would act when I was reading. Then I took what little snippets they showed of him in the previews and sort of mixed it all into a polyester blend of what I wanted him to be like and the personalities of a couple of guys I knew my first year of college. So undeniable, this little world I made for him is just my opinion of the only way he could have been realistic. The only side note I was incredibly pleased about, was how in the few lines he had in New Moon, he was remarkably just the way I pictured him. "Yea, well we're faster".. what a cocky little jerk face.

Disclaimer: Dear Stephanie, please excuse my stealing of your brainchild and running rampant with it though the holes you left in the third installment. Allow me to make it up to you by buying you lunch on the quad. Or just possibly not suing me. Thanks.

******************************************************Scent: Part I*************************************************

It was only Tuesday and I was already shit-faced exhausted. The events of the day before had taken an atomic bomb sized terrible turn for the worst, but also a toll on old JJ's hind parts. Not only did crackbaby- brain Brady gain admission to our little Cub Scout troop, but we also caught a whiff of some wandering sack of leech juice taking a fucking walk-about a few miles from our Southern border. The thought is still as depressing as a middle aged hooker. I know what you're thinking. "But Jar-bear, why the long face? These are two very rare and equally stellar events occurring on the old res. and should be celebrated with much frivolity and Kim dreams." Well I'll just tell you gentlemen and Sirs. Like a honeymoon on the rag, why did they have to happen on the same fucking day?

After 10 minutes of just letting Brady stretch out his new furry limbs, we all stood around supportively. The human spectators hardly twitched a muscle as they watched their family member and friend feel out his new wolf body. In fact, in the first 10 minutes, the only noticeable movement was Seth and I spreading out on the lawn to create a protective barrier between the bystanders and little Whitefang. Sam stayed in front, coaxing and comforting him without phasing, trying to make him focus on the timber of his alpha human voice. Leah and Embry were only paces away, but kept out of sight to avoid overwhelming the Casados family. Jake was on his way back, and Quil and Paul were heading towards the outer regions to take Emb and Leah's post's. Even Collin and his vagina finally faded in. Confused as to what was going on, and without a specific directional order from Sam's still missing daddy mind, he too headed towards the Clearwater's like an ashamed puppy. His saunter was a slow head-hung walk, and his tail was firmly between his legs waiting for whatever rolled up newspaper that was going to swat his panty sniffing muzzle.

Things went on like that for an hour; Just standing around, everyone one of us slowly introducing ourselves to his new mega psyche, laying out the story of what was happening to him and the world of vampires and wolf life. After a while, Sam decided to phase and takes him on the "first run", as we had dubbed it. It was really just a wolves' first romp through the woods to learn to use his new speed and senses. But pack tradition also used it as a time for some one on one bonding with our alpha. Planting the seeds of a lifetime of loyalty and having your nuts in a Sam controlled vice grip for the rest of your fucking life. Sam gave us all the order to scatter on our land and phase back in later to give Daddy and Brady some privacy. A simple suggestive thought would have sufficed in this instance, but Sam used a multi toned alpha command to give the kid a taste.

For the entire hour we had been trying to calm and explain things to him, his mind had been woven and running in layers of the craziest bullshit we'd ever encountered. He was listening to all of us, and we could tell there was a slice of his brain focused on the events at hand, but there were always these stray thoughts and pictures. They were constantly surrounding the sane parts with questions and colors. With this kid around, none of us would ever have to do drugs. Not that we were lame ball lickers like that anyway.

I was a little relieved when Sam finally gave us orders to human out. Just from the hour of looking in his head, we all realized there was a glowing center to his thoughts that was just normal Brady. If we concentrated directly on it, all the weird crap numbed into white noise. But if you lost your concentration and let your mind stray, it was suddenly flooded with images of last Fourth of July, and the playmate of the month, and the first 14 decimal places of Pi. It was like trying to recognize and sort through a blazing ice cream headache. It was deff going to take some practice.

After Leah and Embry ran towards opposite ends of the border, I too headed away from the middle of town; taking my position to phase and wander the woods like a lost, naked retard. I caught wind of an errant Paul thought while he was trying to figure out best where Leah was heading while simultaneously hoping she didn't have time to pack clothes.

"You are such a horndog, you leechloving muff diver."

"My my, cornhole calling the pussy an ass, are we?" Without speaking, we both silently felt Sam's presence in our conversation and his about to be annoyed attitude. Paul figured it would be more lucrative to just head in my general area, and put the hunt for Leah cooch on the back burner. He was sadly mistaken if he thought I was gunna give him a reach around as a conciliation for abandoning his endeavor.

"You only wish you were lucky enough to stroke this long piece of hardware."

"Awwww, Pauly-boo… how did you guess? _Of course_ I was just asking myself the quickest way to get crabs."

"**Enough!"** Sam billowed through our brains. Not only forbidding us to continue, but also reminding us about the very confused and slightly scared little puppy now listening in on our big boy conversation. When running next to these pricks at top speeds, and ripping apart some FDA approved vamp cutlet, it's easy to forget how young the little ones are. Not that Collin minded in the least, but per an Emily request Sam tried to keep a PG-13 rating whenever possible.; Which is the biggest hypocritical babble on this side of the beach, considering how many times we've all been witness to a split second slip of what it feels like to be balls deep inside her with her leg swung over his shoulder.

"…………….." and the .7 seconds of blindingly angry silence was the only motivation I needed to be completely consumed on the forest floor. Sorry folks, this story will have to be finished later, post-wolf.

I was closer to Paul then, and decided to phase out to shoot the shit. I wasn't as good as Quil yet, but I had pwned his new, cute little strategy for a quicker de-furification. Only my version wouldn't get me thrown in prison if admitted to Charlie Swan (if he were allowed in the know). Forcing yourself to think about little imprint details was the surest way to calm a doggy's restless body. I thought of Kimmy's face when she was sleeping. I thought about the way her eyelashes flutter when she dreams and how warm and flushed her face and neck get when she's having a _good_ dream. How she rolls away from me when her body registers she's overheating next to me. And how her subconscious mind makes her keep one hand close to the steady beating skin of my chest while she rolls. When I opened my eyes, I was looking at the trees through annoyingly duller human vision, naked, and disappointed that her sleeping form had just been an object of my own creation. I had also decided to forgo the clean pants in the travel baggie around my leg, and tossed the parcel into a shrub to just skip about in the nude for the 20 minutes.

I was through 3 whole versus of Hotel California when I smelled him. Sneaking up on me from behind, no doubt attempting to tea bag me or some other such nonsense only tricked and endured by weaker men. I waited till I could feel the earth shift slightly and the air turned stale to my right and knew the attack would come from the left. I ducked and spun to my right as he lunged forward; eluding his reach but ultimately being over powered by his other hand. I don't know how he did it, but I was twisted and rolled 10 ft away and had my arm pinned behind my back in a matter of seconds.

"HA ha, Say. My. Name. Bitch."

"I hadn't realized Amy had left you this desperate. Don't give her a hard time. If I were her, I'd throw up at the sight of your penis too." I said through different pitches of screams and giggles. Paul let go of his hold and swiped his hands together back and fourth like he was clapping dust off of them.

"A jealous fag would say something like that……. Seeing as how I was having some juicy backdoor play not two hours ago, and you'll have nothing but whacking off to that image for another two days." Every conversation we had ever had inevitably ended not in a victor, but a lazy truce resulting from blow after blow to both egos, and then an apathetic indifference to prolong to fight. Honestly, I would probably tie the guy to the hood of a Cullenmobile if I didn't love the bastard so much.

"Backdoor, huh? Well she would I guess. It amazes me the commitment these girls fabricate from you. The dirty lies they tell themselves as you lovingly suggest plowing them up a wall."

I was chuckling at the memory of Dianna Medina. Man that dame could howl with the best of us. She was two 'Amy's' ago, and by far the most deluded. We both walked on for a few minutes deep in thought. Hell know's what he was thinking about, but I was reminiscing through a memory he once replayed during patrol. Dianna was lying on top of her parent's coffee table on some random morning when they had the house to themselves. She was sweaty and panting, with both legs almost pulled all the way flat to her chest, holding on to the edge of the table behind her head. Paul had his eyes closed, gripping both her ankles, and seconds away from the blue ribbon. He opened his eyes the moment before the plunge, to see her face when he shot out the batter, and that's when he made eye contact with the craziest stalker glare. After letting out a breath in the dumbest porno face she could duplicate, she whispered a slow and intense "I think I love you." I could remember the feeling of my borrowed Paul face contort into the most surprised and disgusted grimace, and then he yanked it out with a rough urgency and came all over her confused face. I could sense the Paul feelings of contentment as he felt he adamantly punished her for being such a stupid lay. The pack was smaller then, and everyone besides me was mostly disappointed with his intimacy choices. I however, almost fell off the cliff I was running along when I saw the story and then burst into such a fit of wolf laughter, that I think I peed a little.

He strode a few paces ahead of me, and then turned to talk to me while walking backwards. "I'm getting worried about Jake. Did you catch a whiff of his gutter mind the whole time during the Brady explosion? Bella this and Bella goddamn that. Besides being completely clouded by that nerdy little piece of ass, his feelings are getting in the way of pack business. It's supposed to be a fucking big day when a guy first changes. All about non-homo brotherhood and all that shit. And every 10 seconds our 2nd in command has to drift back to thoughts of her unprotected little study session back in Forks. Don't get me wrong, the guy is my solid, but well…….I mean,….she's just a chick."

"You don't get it Paul. I mean, maybe if you had more emotion than a lawnmower. But a girl really can be the worst kind of downfall. If you stayed inside one long enough to know what side of the bed she actually sleeps on, you might know these things."

"Cum guzzles!!..... He didn't even give her the "we were made for each other/destiny wants' us to fuck for life and have wolf babies" look. She's just some prudey girl who leads our bro on just enough to give him a permanent bacterial infection of blue balls."

I couldn't disagree with him there. No matter how I felt about Miss Swan, I really did wish he had just imprinted on her and been done with it. Maybe if she was tethered by magic like most of the rest of us, she would come to her senses and stop getting such a hard on for Cullen dick. Not to mention spare us all the pain of feeling second had all the hurt Jacob tried to hide from us as best he could.

"Well, what can you do? He's pussy whipped and I'm pretty sure likes being stuck that way. At least for her." There was more walking in silence. It probably was because any thought we had on any subject was already mulled over to death due to constant mind-linkage. Even before any of us ever mentioned or talked about something going on in our lives, we were collectively already bored with it, because ultimately we had all been present for any forming idea.

Hesitant to appear at all Brokeback Mountainish, we veered away from each other a few yards apart, and walked a parallel path through the woods. Nudity these days, well, shit happens. We had all grown immune to the initial disgust of getting an eye view of the priceless Quileute property. But since Leah, the guys started taking notice for the first time, our proximity to each other when phasing. We hadn't abandoned the predominantly free balling attitude, but just kept notice of how close we were to rubbing tummies when frolicking like this el fresco.

We kept pace like that, occasionally climbing up a tree, or throwing a rock at the back of each others heads. It made me wonder what we use to do with all the free time in our lives. Before the return of Dr. Suck me and his spawns, we must have just layed around and done nothing with our human lives. It's funny how much you can accomplish when you're Halo stats aren't quite as high. And the bonus was that in those days I really only dreamed about what someone like Kimmy's juices tasted like, as apposed to knowing now, firsthand. I absently returned to humming Hotel California, and by the end of the song we were singing to each other the different lines.

Deciding "first run" was probably winding down; I circled back to my bag-o-pants and refastened it around my ankle before going all wet and furry. Paul had beaten me to the punch and we had joined the few phased back wolves into politely eavesdropping in to see how Brady was doing. He had toned down on the hallucinating slideshow as far as we could tell, and mellowed out slightly as we felt his excitement from running at such a fast rate.

I headed back towards my assigned position near the northern border. Everyone else followed suit and were positioning the start of our originally scheduled 1st night patrol. Embry, Jake, and Leah phased out for their time off, and those of us on the job settled back into routine. Running in a wide arc and circling in. Patrol was at least not going to be lonely this evening considering the addition of Brady face and Sam to supervise. One paw after another, I made my way around the reservation, content on doing what we were made to do. Sniffing unnaturally broken branches and disturbed areas of ground, we were undistracted and back in full on search and destroy mode. And then BAM!!! 20 minutes before the end of my shift and it happens.

Out of all the wolves in the fucking pack, did it really have to be Collin? Him and his smug little twat caught a weak but relatively fresh scent wafting in from a few miles south of our border. Almost like a random solar flare just gliding along at its own slow place, it's defiantly vampire. It was male, and less than hours old. Sometimes we would catch lingering smells of traveling vamps close to the area. Most of the time, they would catch onto our scent far enough away to change course and avoid the entire region. In fact, with the exception of dread head and the red haired slut, they had all been smart enough to keep their distance. A few weeks ago one curious George even tried to sneak around in a circle and come investigate from the north. Probably more freaked out by the sudden permeating aroma of the Cullen coven than by us, Dude high tailed it away like a grade-A pussy.

But more importantly, the matter at hand was that we had a fresh target and the little bitch was ours! We all let out a long and waning howl to alert the others and the chilling echoing sound struck through the late night calm. Sam was already strategizing as we all headed towards Collin's position, who was crouched in an ready stance and foaming at the mouth waiting for the order to take off after the bloodsucker. I was more excited than a single mom on welfare check day! After months of going on and on , we actually get the chance to rip a bloodbag to shreds by the hair of his cold ass chiny-chin-chin. That is until I got wind of the single worst idea in Quileute history.

Taking into account Brady's lack of experience, and the idea that La Push still needed to be watched over , Sam had made the decision that the hunting party could spare Brady +2 to stay behind and stick close to home. I don't even need to go on, do I fellow revolted listeners? This tale has become too tragic to repeat. Stuck behind with Leah's whiney ass and the newborn puppy. Not only was being a glorified babysitter the blech of life it sounded like, but I was forced to miss the first good scrap of action in FOR-EVER.

And that's how it all crumbled for the rest of the night. Both being thoroughly annoyed at pacing uselessly over the same worn trails, and drooling over the position's that my brothers who hadn't been left out to dry were currently in. We were so close and could smell the wind getting thicker with his stench the more we closed the gap between us and that pale piece of shit. It was all bitter sweet because the best I got was looking at the excitement through the eyes of everybody else like a filtered sloppy second.

The Vampire wasn't exactly fast, but he kept changing course in unexpected twists and directions. Not like he was baiting a trap or anything, but simply trying to desperately escape the rotten luck of stumbling onto the thundering nightmare that was us. The farther the pack traveled away from La Push, the more sour I became. At first light my stride had slowed to sloth like jog and my eyes kept drooping closed, barely missing logs and snipping sides of trees. Sam told me to head home and get some shut eye since I'd been going longer than anyone else. I was too tired to argue.

After shacking up for a few hours and stuffing my face with the leftover lasagna from the dinner I had missed the night before, I was running at full speed to the cover of the trees behind my house to phase and get the update on our leech situation. To my horror, Paul was the one who had gotten him by his creepy tweed and mothball coat when they cut him off at the Chehalis River. After that, it was just deciding who wanted what parts. Like he was ever going to let me forget how he sliced and diced his own vampuric rack of ribs while I reluctantly slept the morning away.

They had returned a few hours ago and half of them had phased for their off shift and the other half was still circling the forest, high from their morning accomplishment.

Brady was there too. I realized he had taken a nap still wolfed out and had woken earlier than me. He was just as anxious about the chase and even though there was fear, his mind also singed with the slightest bit of jealously that he too didn't get to tag along. Whatever animosity I felt towards him, I guess it really wasn't his fault in the end.

"Sorry man, I know it was the biggest drag having to stay here with me."

"Yea well….yea it was. But just keep your nose clean and listen and learn to what we teach you, and next time well both be there to rip out some worthless vamp's beat less heart." I was gunna give him a chance before I busted his balls.

"Speaking of which, can I ask you something?"

"Yea?"

"Yesterday, …when it happened. Besides EVERYTHING hurting, my ugh…well my balls got super tight. And it's felt like someone hit my groin with tractor trailer ever since."

"Heh, its cause you phased with a full tank. You'll learn after a while how to control your human functions while doggied. Just takes some practice. You might wanna, you know, polish the torpedo a little more than usual; just to avoid this kind of shit."

………"Was that like an alpha command?" I could sense his uncertainty on how that all worked but also a thrill of excitement that he might have an excuse to follow the proposal to the letter.

"Oh my young prodigal son, Big brother has so much to teach you. Especially about the self induced handjobs…….You'll be able to climb a telephone pole one handed by the time I'm through with you." Then Sam's attention seeped through and you could almost feel his big furry wolf head hang and disappointedly nod back and forth, trying to decide exactly when the moment was when he'd gone so terribly wrong.

***Well ppl, ya know, back from vaca. Leave some lovin***


	5. Chapter 5, Scent: part II

Ok Peeps, I have decided to mold together both elements from the books and movies together. Remember, the ultimate goal is having a story that won't contradict anything in the actual Stephanie timeline or storyline.

P.S. I'm really trying to answer every single tidbit or question I had that she just never gave background for. So if you have something you've always wondered about, I'll do my best to believably work it in somehow.

Dear Stephanie,

Don't hate on us for using your works as a muse for a cheaper and slutty knock off version of your vision.

Much obliged,

Fanfiction writers everywhere

*******************************Scent: Part II*****************************

I had been running myself around restless all afternoon trying to cool the jealous energy from watching everyone's version of the events happening earlier this morning. Plus, I had less than two days now till Miss Kimberly returned. The lady just doesn't realize how she holds my life and my heart in her dainty, soft little hands. Hopefully someday I could add holding my dick in her mouth to the list, but today just being on the reservation where I could watch over and protect her would calm me enough. It didn't help that Paul kept inserting these visions in my head, via his own imagination, of Kim falling for these lame ass wedding guests that always strangely looked like a Cullen or himself. Grinding my doggy jaw and huffing through the forest, I shot back images of him holding Amy's hand and walking her down the aisle with a huge pregnant belly. Thoroughly disgusted, we both kept going back and fourth trying to out do the other. Until, as always, anything more interesting happened.

Sooner or later he phased out ready to crash, and I was winding our new and extended northern Forks perimeter right near a certain little cock tease's house. Jacob didn't hide the fact that he always gave his undivided attention to whoever's mind was closest to her place. It was just sad that we all knew it was the best semblance to a girlfriend he had, and it was little more than stalking. Jake was embarrassed and thoughtful for a minute. The guy needed some bad.

The coast was all clear. If you can exclude the ugly Volvo parked out front and the permeating smell of the sugary sweet death that accompanied its driver. Recently we always picked up a trace of someone new and vampy in this area, but after following three false alarms we realized they were always Cullen trails. We couldn't tell them apart from other neck suckers yet, but they always took the same route back to their crypt. And of course I didn't have to use my nose to guess that the air was filled with the probable sexual tension that floats down from her oddly always open window………Excuse me while I barf. Everyone on the planet besides her got the obvious jizz-like taste that fills your mouth when you think about being with a Leech. Well maybe everyone except Embry. If we didn't get the guy to agree to get horizontal soon, we might have come to the conclusion that he is either gay or quite possibly jonesing for vampire pussy. I have never, in my life, truly wanted a guy I spend so much time with to be gay until someone jokingly suggested the other option. We even offered him some leftovers from Paul's past sexcapades, but he just abstained like a little Indian monk. He said it was because he didn't like any of the girls on the res, but I always asked him if it was because he didn't like any of the girls on the res with vaginas. He never saw the blatant humor that spouted from my mouth, but I loved busting the guy's nuts.

I was almost back to the road leading into La push when the new shift started phasing in. Paul, Brady, Embry, and Sam were all coming on to replace the current runners. I always liked to do an extra loop before going home because it took me past Kimmy's house. But since it would be a fruitless venture today, I would just run the normal route to avoid getting a whiff of something that smelled like her, and have to go home with a boner. I was running next to the road, and spotted the tailgate of a truck I recognized. I was going faster than it, but slowed down to get greet its driver. Emily had one elbow leaning out the window of Sam's old bronco, and the other hand was leisurely playing with the radio. She noticed me next to the truck and gave me a little wave and an overdramatic wink. The front seat next to her was full of groceries and I relished in the idea of all the food I would eat from her kitchen for the next week. Then she made the turnoff to the cottage and I veered the other direction towards home.

That is until Sam (who had only phased in moments ago from the front yard of the cottage) announced he had business with the elders and phased back out again without any explanation. I'd heard this "Once upon a time" before, and the happily ever after to this story usually ended with her clawing at the backboard of their bed. I was so close that the sick little bastard inside of me called curiosity made an appearance, but I phased out too before anyone could get where I was going with it. I jogged down the path that Emily's car had taken and steadily snuck up to the edge of the yard. By the time I'd got there the bronco had been lazily parked and the driver door hung wide open. I could plainly see the groceries were still in the front seat, but more importantly, I could smell the fragrance of skin and Emily liquid that was drifting from the open front door. Finally, I heard them. Sneaking closer, I was just hoping that there was so much wolf scent covering this whole area, that my presence would go unnoticed. I'm pretty sure we all did it. We weren't all gay for each other or anything. But when you have such strong ties to people like this, don't be surprised if your bro ever wonders what your face looks like when you shoot a load. This wasn't the first time I'd caught them. Hell, I'd put money on the table to say everyone in the pack has sat in on a Samily session at least once. We couldn't really lie to each other, but if the question never came up you could keep certain things you'd seen out of mind. Once, Paul caught Seth lingering on patrol a little too long around the area where he had a girl in the back of his cousin's Chevy. And I swear, seconds before I came into a wad of tissues in Kimmy's hand that I picked up a quiet Quil sigh from behind a tree.

It was just the side effects of being in a pack. Being in a pack of bored and horny gentlemen like myself, who simply can't be trusted with the gifts we are given. Ever so much closer, I tiptoed like a silent fucking ninja to the back of the truck. Low and behold, my view of the kitchen and its activities was a box seat. She was sitting on the counter between the kitchen and the table; He was standing between her legs. Sam was licking and sucking all over the parts of her breasts not covered by the bra. Her arms were around his shoulders and she stretched her neck so that she was looking at the ceiling. I could smell her alright. That pussy was wet and juicy and ready to have some meat rip it open.

Emily's top was gone and that pesky bra was getting unclasped by Sam's expert blind hands, without breaking his mouth or tongue from its suckling contact with those mama her bra fell from her shoulders and he brought his face up from her body to look at her. It took her a little longer to bring her head down and open her eyes. They were staring at each other and panting like there wasn't enough air.

Without speaking or making any sound, he lunged in and grabbed the hair at the back of her head and they shared a long and rough, passionate kiss. The Kiss grew louder and more urgent and he started making his way down from her mouth, to her jaw, and followed her neck back to her now bare breasts. He sucked that nipple hard into his mouth and she spoke for the first time. Her eyes were closed again as she reached out and held his head to her breast.

In almost a whisper, she delicately sighed "Oh Sam…..Oh Sam…Oh..…" Her words were like fuel on a fire. He kissed his way down to her stomach and then lingered on her belly button as he stuck his tongue out to lick his way back up to her neck. They parted for only seconds before they were kissing again. She reached for his arms and squeezed tightly around his biceps like she was trying to get his attention. But alas, he knew what she wanted without having to be told. He moved in for the zipper of her pants and after he had the fly down, he gave both her ass cheeks a firm squeeze and lifted her up to his body. She wrapped her legs around his waist and now it was her turn to suck all over his neck. He scooted the vase of flowers aside and layed her on the kitchen table.

Grabbing both sides of her jeans, he started to pull them down and he helped shimmy them off the rest off. Next was her panties and he took a lot of care to caress up her legs to get to them. Even slower than her jeans, she lifted one knee and then the other to slip off the last item of clothing between his mouth and her delicious cunt. The air was so thick with Emily's scent; you could have smelled her from Oregon.

There was another moment of calm and loving staring as she lay completely naked before him. She held her hand to his cheek, and he lulled his head into it and closed his eyes for a loving moment. He reached for her hand and dragged it away from his cheek to kiss her palm. But then the fire returned and he leaned over her body to kiss in between her breasts, then her stomach, and then right above her pussy. She gasped and brought her head up to look at the ceiling again. He was just as ready as she was by the way his cut off shorts were sporting wood that could reach across the table. He then bent down and took a long sniff of the honey he was about to eat up. Waiting for her to take a breath, Sam took one ….really…fucking …slow lick right down her wet lips. She shuttered and reached for his hair. One slower lick and he went straight to work, plunging his tongue in and out. You could tell the parts she really liked because he would slow down sometimes and vibrate his tongue on her clit. It was at these moments that she would lean herself up and alternate between staring down at him with her mouth open and squinting her whole face like she was in pain. After a few seconds he would always relent and go back to plunging deep inside her. By the time he was ready to suck her dry, both his hands were wrapped around her thighs to restrain her legs while he was face deep in her pussy. She was panting and moaning and covered in sweat. He really liked seeing her writhe in pleasure by the way he was alternating slow and vibrating licks. Then he finally moved his hands further to her hips to get leverage and swung both legs over his shoulders.

"Sam, Sam please….I can't ….I can't hold out any more. Please, please baby.."

He stuck three fingers in her hard and kept his tongue lapping at her clit. It was the exact moment she let go because my nose was not only flooded with a fresh and thick batch of Emily juice, but her legs started shaking around his head and her mouth hung wide open and quivered.

Her breathing started evening out and she layed spent across the table without the energy to even reach up to him. After sucking every last drop, he stood up and smiled down at her. Not just like he was pleased with himself, but that he was so genuinely happy that she was happy. When she caught her breath she smiled back at him. Before she could say anything he scooped her up bridal style and kissed her scar before giving her another long kiss on her mouth. The kept their lips locked as he made his way up the stairs one step at a time.

It should have made me feel warm and tingly in every single man part that I owned, but it only succeeded in making me miss Kim more. How could she do this to me? I mean, we're young, and sure.. I couldn't provide for her the way she deserved yet…but…but well,…she's my god damn imprint! And if I want to live with her and spend every waking moment with her, than _this_ wolf should be allowed to fucking bulldoze anything that comes between him and that plan to the fiery pits of vamp hell. Or at least be able to slap the shit out of somebody to avoid her going away and leaving me like an unwanted SP-ED kid in a Kmart parking lot.

Four days after the look that changed my life, and around 11 minutes after breaking the secret to her, I casually suggested we have a dinner at Applebee's, then dessert over a slice of wedding cake which I would ravagingly devour off her naked body, following consummating our runaway marriage, _multiple_ times. She'd compromised on the Applebee's bit, but suggested instead Dairy Queen after dinner instead. I held that woman's hand across the booth and realized I would gladly follow through on either itinerary if it made her happy. ……Jesus, and finally little Jared wakes up to look at me with his dumb, mocking bulge. He and lefty-Lucy had become soul mates in the last 6 months. If anyone thought I masturbated too much pre-Kimmy, I would be breaking Guinness world records now. At the rate Kim was going with the introductions to new parts of her yummy bits, Lucy and baby Jar-Jar were going to become life partners. Ha Ha, until Lucy catches him cheating with that slut around the corner, Righty-Rhonda. EwwaaaaAHHHHH! I'M CREATING WB SHOW CHARACTERS OUT OF MY HANDS!!! **KIMMY COME HOME!!!! **Before I had an accident and shot an impressively heavy shipment to the back of Sam's bronco, it was time to skedaddle on home. No Kimmy, but plenty of pork chops and mashed potatoes. I would have to make do with the pork chops.

Johnny greeted me with the fagish normal admiration he always bestowed me.

"Hey Bozo, guess what? You gotta clean the bawthoom bafor dinner."…oh Johnny, how you will _never _know the feel of a woman's embrace.

"Yea, well mom can suck my big fat di…" I stuttered to a stop prematurely due to the eye contact she had made with me from around the hallway corner. I didn't fear her evil sorceress powers, just the embarrassing verbal arsenal she would rain on me in front of old Quil. The information that would certainly make it back to "other" members of his family, and inevitably be played for all the guys in detail. A dude can survive a lot in a warzone, except having all of his buddy's witness him getting panty spanked by his mom with a stainless steel spatula.

I gave Johnny the stink eye all the way to the stairs and scowled even worse at him on my way to the 2nd floor. I am a ruthless, killing animal with the ability to knock a tree over with my own body strength. So you'll have to excuse my irritation when I see myself in a mirror, soft scrubbing a sink.

Old Quil came over sometimes for dinner. He and my Grandpa had been besties since they were kids. They had been in the Marines together and married the same year and all that. If those fang-bags had come back fifty years ago, the old guys prolly would have been pack brothers. Ever since Gramps died, my dad kinda took over his spot next to Quil during games and holidays and stuff.

Quil Sr. and Quil's mom did NOT get along to say the least. Something about Quil's dad and college or something. I'd really never cared enough to ask. So every time Old Quil gets nostalgic or needs to mull over something pack related, he comes over and hangs with my dad instead of chilling with his own son. But you know, if my kid ever married someone like Mrs. Ateara, Id fuck a chainsaw to be around anybody but her too.

The three of us boys didn't have anything in common except being bored to tears listening to my mother go on and on about everything she thinks needs to be talked about during dinner. My Pops was a reserved kind of guy. Never over elaborated or asked a lot of questions. I think it was his natural stability from living with my mom. She was definitely the instigator of chastisement in this house. My dad pretended like he supported her punishments, but I knew he chuckled at my dirty jokes just as much as I did.

The first to go was the mashed potatoes, thanks to Aaron. Little creep always took more than he could eat and after 7 or 8 bites of his full plate, he'd start to swirl and squash his food together out of boredom. Johnny couldn't stand pork chops and started dropping each bite of his under the table into Cannibal's (our dogs) waiting mouth. Mom kept asking old Quil about how his wife and grandsons were doing. Gossip and news she was probably already privy to, but knew Quil loved to yak about it. The old hippie wasn't as lame as I'd made him out to be. In between retelling stories of him and Gramps clearing "those Viet Kong son's of bitches out of their little jungle" as he put it, and telling some of the funniest old man jokes I'd ever heard, I didn't mind having him around most of the time.

Normally after dinner, Aaron went to go play Barbies in his room or whatever the hell he does, and Pops and Quil would take their beer into the T.V. room and watch old football or Dirty Jobs or something equally as man friendly. Johnny worshiped Quil and always wanted him to hear the stories of his day's adventures. (Even though it was normally something as lame as going to the post office with my mom, which he always tried to flourish on by adding excitement and explosions) If I couldn't make up an excuse of why I had to go upstairs fast enough, Quil would always call to me to join them so he could ask about everything up in the pack. All we younger guys knew the older ones were all pretty jealous that it was our job to take on the protective burden instead of them. Even my dad, who would never ask me about it himself, always seemed to pay just a little less attention to the history channel when Quil would make me elaborate about the current going ons. There was never really a lot to tell since we didn't see much action, but I always tried to make it seem important or that we definitely had the upper hand( which we totally do). But I never led on to exactly how exciting most of it is. No reason to tell the 40 year old virgin how great last night's sex was. I filled them in on the old vamp we took out this morning, never ad libing in any jokes at little Quil's expense, like I normally would. And then let them know about the Brady stuff from the Clearwater's yesterday. Of course, these old farts gossiped like women, so it shouldn't have surprised me that they already knew all about it.

"Yea, yea…..Sue gave Miranda a call this morning. Said the kid did it in front of his family. Takes a lot of guts if you ask me. Don't know exactly how I would have handled something like that." Again, he was staring off into space at the end of sentences. Probably over soured at the thought of being born too early for this. "So, you guys are thinking about having the initiation party this soon?"

He was referring to the get together we always threw to welcome whoever had turned wolves' family members into the circle of those who were wolfed out and those who knew. It was decided because of Brady's amazing control over himself that the party should happen sooner rather than later, never knowing what vampire shenanigans' we might have to tend to. It really was encredible how quick Brady adjusted to it all. Besides the LSD shit in his head, it was ridiculously easy for him to stay calm, and even phase in and out on command. Nothing like what we went through with Collin. That little shit spent 5 whole days as dog before he finally had piece of mind enough to come back person shaped. The following week he had three blurps of uncontrollable wolfplosion. Which is why he now slept out in his parents cleaned out utility shed. The funniest occurrence definitely being the first time he tried to whack off after the change. There he was, lying in his now too small bed, stroking himself and thinking about how he was going to fit Jenna Jameson in it with him, and suddenly he was furred out in the middle of his room. Some of the guys were called over because after his whole family figured out what he was doing, he was too embarrassed and upset to change back. Watching the guys try to lead that dope out of his house without breaking any furniture or door frames was like watching a Chia-pet be maneuvered through a doll house. The whole time Collin's mom was trying to shield her favorite crown molding from her oversized horny sun. What a little turd.

"Yup. Sam said we'd have it his place or Sue's day after tomorrow. He's adjusting really well. We figure it'll only take him a little while to be ready for a real patrol."

"Heh, that's good. Would be horrible for that family to have to loose their other boy for very long."

Quil was referring to Brady's older brother. Sam knew him in High school. Came back after he deployed to Afghanistan, 7 months later in a body bag. Now that we knew Brady had the gene, it was really bitter sweet for all of us to think his brother probably would have been one of us, and lost his life fighting the wrong war. Quil quickly leapt into a dramatasized lecture about tactics and honor and the tribe. He was always trying to be helpful, but the man was just so long winded. Where as Billy was an elder that emanated cool, Quil tried a little too hard to be all knowing. Billy just was, Quil obviously had to work at it. Little Quil genetically couldn't help being such a weirdo punk sometimes I guess.

We bantered back and fourth about tribal council stuff for a few more minutes before he exhausted all his input on the matter, and started asking us if we knew the stories behind the tattoos the covered his always concealed arms. Everyone had heard these stories a million times, but we all played clueless as a salute to the old guy. He did have some pretty sick tats that went back to his younger days, but you can hear about the origins of "Lucky Betty" (the pin up style mermaid under his elbow) only so many times, before you can't even pretend to be curious anymore. Impressively, he did do most of them himself. And Besides being the guardian of all the tribe's wolf related documents and artifacts, the tattoos were one of his biggest contributions. He and my grandpa were the first actually. Getting matching Quileute wolves that mirrored the ones most of their fathers had, when they joined up in '64. So when Sam made the change, he asked Old Quil to ink him up in honor of the tribe's history. Every wolf since has carried the symbol of life long brotherhood.. Even Leah, strange as we thought it was when she asked. Something we could all be a part of even after we stopped phasing.

I gradually made my answers more boring as I steadily walked backwards to the kitchen for some ice cream. And who I am kidding, probably two or three more helpings of what was left from dinner. This boys' still growin. Scooping myself a bowl, I snuck up the stairs while they were watching a really intense play of a game they'd turned on.

Alone again in my room, with nothing but a sad few scoops of mint chocolate chip to soothe my aching heart and lonely dick.

I probably had a good hour before Quil left the house, and could easily remedy the time by at least getting to level 2. I had to get up early for morning patrol anyway. The last three days had been eventful, but somehow miraculously normal. Like it should be this way. It amazes me how mundane and ordinary life would be if a person didn't know about any of this. Even most of the people on the reservation went about their lives like any other day. But it's better this way. 99% of everyone else doesn't have the balls or knowhow to handle a world that looks like this; Covered in bloodsuckers and evil nightmares.

When I turned off my Xbox, the channel was just finishing the commercial and continuing with the movie it was playing. The old man was bitching about arthritis and cars and shit going too fast. But the saggy old guy did have a point.

"Get busy living or get busy dying"

"Balls to the wall dude…..balls to the fucking wall." I said, holding my fist to the television as if he was going to reach through the screen and pound me.

As soon as I turned it off though, I immediately regretted it. The sounds were bad enough. But the smell, the smell hanging in the air was worse than any leech or dead body I have ever encountered. Approximately 20 steps away, and behind two closed doors, my parents were plugging and it was sweaty and messy. I was grateful that Aaron and Johnny didn't share my heightened senses. As much as I would love to shove them in a barrel and push them over Niagara Falls, I would never make them bare witness to such mutilating and disgusting mental images first. Pops was most likely on top, and by the sound of it, mom was griping onto the sheets…oh…oh god…I can't take this. I rolled over and tried to hide my head under my pillow. For the first time in my life, I actually thought I could smell death coming for me. He was slow and torturous and tasted like my gag reflux. I bit back bile and the urge to get up drive a power drill through my temple.

Death was in this house alright. And it smelled like my mom getting plowed.

***Come on now readers, tell me what you feel***


	6. Chapter 6, mini chapter: Dirty

So Ppls, I took a short break for finals and work and stuff, and JUST sat down for the first time in Forever. I missed me some Jay Jay. It's been a while, but I've come across some ideas so it prolly won't be long before some new chapters are up. This was just a little one, but it's what the guy was up to at the moment.

StEPHANIE MEYER: You have created a world where men go topless and miraculously never have commitment issues of any kind or cheat. Thank you. So keeps the kindness rolling. Please don't be angry I borrowed one of your men…….You have so many.

*******************************************************Dirty**********************************************************

The Sun was almost setting and I could smell the ocean salt trickling through the brush. The trees swayed back and fourth but not enough to allow a fresh breeze through the thicket. I was lying on my back with my hands behind my head and watching the bright orange sky turn to purple, then from darker shades of blue to black. I wasn't tired or anxious or anything really. For the first time in a long time, I just layed content as the sounds of sleep and nighttime crept into my vicinity, along with a billion summertime fireflies. If I wasn't such a badass, I would say it was beautiful.

She came out of nowhere then. A strange fog flowed in, covering the first few inches of the entire forest floor, and directly in front of me she stepped out of the trees. Her hair was loose and curly and flowing down over her shoulders. She was barefoot and wearing nothing but the simple white cotton dress she had with no straps. Her eyes were dark and smoldering and she was wearing a shiny peach gloss that made her lips pout in the most intoxicating way. She never said a word to me but just walked straight to where I was lying against a tree.

She cocked her head to one side and smiled. Then she offered me one of her hands. I grabbed it to pull myself up and immediately seized her other hand so that our fists were lingering close to my face. One kiss to the hand curled around my own and one kiss to the other. We then dropped both hands and slowly moved in for a kiss. Unlike most of the ones we experienced before, neither of us closed our eyes as we leaned in. The fireflies around us created an almost unbelievable glow, so I could see every facet and sparkle on her face. When our lips touched it was soft and warm and went on forever. Minute by minute, it turned more heated and we were reaching into each others mouths with our tongues between gasps. Her hands had made their way to the sides of my face and jaw, where as mine had slithered around her waist and were kneading her delicious ass through the thin dress. There was no panty line to speak of, and feeling the firm, unbinded flesh in my hands made me kiss her more forcefully and grip harder.

It was really warm outside so I could already feel the slick sweat start to cover her skin through the material. My face and neck were so hot, and every inch of my skin that touched hers was blazing. With a firm tug, I lifted her up so her legs were wrapped around my waist. She was grabbing at my face restlessly and would only kiss me at one angle for a few seconds before pulling back and attacking my mouth at a different angle as if she was never satisfied with the power and intensity of it. With her attention being caught trying to obtain every morsel of my mouth, I was carrying all the weight of her tiny frame in my arms. In her ravenous attempt, she had started to alternate nips and bites at the skin around my lips and jaw between greedy kisses. I was walking subconsciously toward a tree and massaging under her thighs with the same vigor as her ass.

When I could sense the tree was close, I gently nudged her back against it and pinned her there with my body. She startled and pulled away from my face, out of breath. Okay, maybe it wasn't as gentle as I thought. Regardless, her hair was parted to the side and now hung over her face, barely covering her left eye. She was breathing in out so quickly and so loudly that if we weren't doing what we were doing, I would be concerned.

She actually dived in before I did and started back up where we'd left off. Before going to my lips she held my cheek in one hand and grasped the other side of my neck with the other. In one long lick she started at my collar bone and slid her tongue past my Adam's apple, across my chin, and rested it on my bottom lip before sucking it into her mouth. My eyes were rolling now because my whole body had become aware of how her wet tongue felt against my skin. My Dick was filling itself so hard I could start to feel the contours of her opening through my jeans and the flimsy cloth of her dress. It was I who pulled away this time and met her confused eyes before turning her head to the side with my nose and sucking on the skin on her neck.

She was whimpering and gasping and every little sigh went straight to my dick, forcing each heart beat of blood to rush painfully through my shaft. She had brought her hands up to cradle my head to her body and her eyes were closed so tight in painful pleasure, her face had wrinkled in an adorable squint. I had more important things to look at however, and forced myself to pay attention. I was taking the skin on her neck between my teeth and suckling little bits before moving down and taking more bites. I was already on her shoulder, and my sucking had become more powerful as I was soaking in the feel of her soft skin between my lips.

Making my way further down, my lips started to detect the subtle warmth and soft fullness of her breast as it sloped under her dress. The stupid thing had to go and I adjusted her weight to my knee and one of my hands. I used the other to bunch the material at the top center of her dress, and tugged a single rip down the middle. No underwear was wasted anywhere under this outfit and so those big, juicy breasts fell free and round to my gaze. With wolf enhanced speed, I went straight to where I wanted, and attached my mouth around her nipple and sucked in as much of the lowve of her tit as I could. She screamed with a raspy shriek that was followed by a tasty flood of arousal that seeped from her cunt, all over the material of her dress. I could smell it so strong that nothing I could focus on could eject the images of her sweet, succulent pussy from my mind. By this point, my hard on was more than painfully throbbing as it was being rubbed to chaffing by the scratchy tent of my jeans. Another of her arousal filled moans filled the air and……Oh God how I could have cared less about my jeans. Alternating my mouth to the other breast, I now held up her whole body with the strength of my legs, and freed my hands to push against the tree for support and squeeze that other beautiful fleshy jug. I couldn't wait till the day when they'd be full of milk that I could suckle up. But for now, just licking and gnawing on those juicy nipples was sufficient for me to get hard enough to nail a board.

As if she was too impatient to wait any longer, she tore my head away and then reached up for the hand that was pushing on the tree. Our eye contact was enough communication for me to realize what she wanted. Grabbing my hand, she pulled it down past her body and rested it under her pulled up dress, on the thigh at her hip. I gave her one strong squeeze that immediately was rewarded with a throaty moan and her eyes fluttering closed. I was back in a position to lift her and firmly did, so that I was carrying her again. Down to the ground we went, with her still straddled on top of me.

Unlike the faggish fairy atmosphere I had noticed earlier, we were now lying in swampy thick puddles of mud and a light mist had started to pour through the fireflies. She was looking at me with her hands resting on my chest and her dress started to cling all over her body as it became moist from the shower. The tips of her material, along with my back and hands were covered in the mud, and I was getting her creamy skin and dress filthy where I reached up to grab underneath the flimsy wet cloth for her ass cheeks. With a fire in her eyes I had never seen before, she yanked at the top of my pants and flexed to strain the material open. My hands covered hers and in an instant, my pants were being stripped from my body. She was squatting on her legs and resting all her weight on my chest to give me enough room to straggle both pant legs off .My ass and legs were now covered in mud but my dick stood straight up with the force of all the tadpole fuel stuffed in my balls. She had this foreign but crazy hot smirk on her face that I just wanted to jizz all over.

As she settled back down on top of me, I could feel the skin and wetness from her delectable pussy rubbing all over my stomach. It was Heaven. Pure dripping Heaven. My hands started wandering over her butt, and up under the shreds of fabric to caress the silky smooth curve of her back. She kept biting her lip and leaning her head back to expose her long, gorgeous neck. Rustling herself to the edge of my dick, she was trying frantically to move herself on it, but was still resisting in the most annoying way.

Finally, after what seemed like days of that sweet ripe pussy slathering everywhere up and down my body, my dick had had enough. I reached up to caress the side of her face. (Which unfortunately now, had a huge smear of mud across it from my hand.) Oddly, it didn't disturb me. Actually it was pretty hot. Primal even. Kimmy paused for only the shortest of seconds, to bat her lashes once at me and then lean up off my body. I couldn't wait a fucking New York minute more. I grabbed my baby's hips and sunk that cunt down on my shaft like a man who needs to get down to business. It was warm and tight and delicious and bright and fucking the best feeling I've ever had in my life. I'd been inside a few girls, but this…..this was like Christmas morning and beer and safe and ecstasy. I could feel every muscle and tiny twitch of the inside of her body. She was holding on to her dress with clenched fists and couldn't keep her eyes from rolling all the way back to her head. I knew even before we moved, my sweetheart was about to get the deepest hardest fuck of her life.

I couldn't wait. Yanking her dress aside, and leaving a trail of muddy hand prints all over her, I ripped the rest of the dress down the middle to watch those luscious lips swallow me whole. She gyrated a little and I plunged that dick further in, hoping she could feel it in her throat. Back out a little, and then ramming back in. I was holding her hips again for leverage. My cock was bursting at the seams and I wanted her to feel every vein, every muscle, everything one look made me feel for her. How all I wanted to do since that day in class is plug her so hard I rip her open. Back in and out. She started to let these little squeaks out when id hit the wall at the end of her canal. Like it was just so hard and wonderful she couldn't bring herself to be completely silent. She was moving too. Holding now instead, to the sides of my body, desperately trying to get my dick deeper inside. She was covered in shreds of white fabric and caked on mud. She was dazzling, riding me like her life depended on it.

She had that awful fuck me smirk on again but it soon turned into a cute as hell dramatic pout. I wanted her to lick my cum off those big peachy lips. And all she had the nerve to say while I was balls sack deep inside her was…….. "Oh no, I'm all dirty" And as if she simply changed her mind, she immediately stopped moving and became upset instead of ecstatic. She looked me in the eye and pushed off my dick. No need to finish this fairytale sad spectators. I'd chosen this pick-an-ending before. Like my own mind knew there was no reason to continue this sad charade, everything started blurring out the way it always does before Jared ever gets the money shot. Slowly the trees, then the fireflies, and even the last lingering bits of Kim started whisping and disappearing. I only had a few more seconds, just long enough for dirty Kim to give me a cheeky smile and a patronizing little wave.

I was sweaty and tired and miserable and angry and lonely and, damnit! Hard as an advanced calc test. Lying in my shitty bed, all alone in the middle of the night. Whatever crappy sparkly red shoes that can bring a person from wherever they are directly to the top of my cock, better fucking come in her size.

*** I never understood why ppl made such a big deal about reviews, but after seeing the hundreds of you that read, I'm understanding the resentment. So even if you don't like, leave some quotes***


	7. Chapter 7, Homecoming

Attention Readers: I did not die. Things like a computer virus, and Christmas, and school and work always take precedence. But never fear, Jay-Jay is back and I'm starting to fall into my updating swing of things. This next chapter has taken a collective month to get up. But more importantly, I'm already thinking about the sequel. Things are flowing people. Great things.

Disclaimer: I have no idea why anyone would ever sue considering this entire website is based on the idea of creative plagiarism. But I'm all for jumping on the bandwagon. Stephanie, be kind. I only use him for his body. You understand…..

*********************************************Homecoming*********************************************************

Large rock cluster, check. Ant hill, fallen tree, half eaten trail mix cereal bar; Check check check. Tree fungus shaped like Buddy Holly; Awesome, double check. This was the 9th time I'd passed #'s 27-31 on the inventory of 92 landmarks I'd taken note of, while circling her house. Yesterday had been a complete vag. full of wasteful nothing. Two whole patrols of not so much as a cum sniff of bloodsucker, and the most gruesome 120 minutes of monster sitting spawn one and two while my mom was at the doctor. That female was living in some kind of fantasy world. As if I was some tweenage girl she could give 7 dollars to and be expected to watch Spongebob cockface and cut the fucking crust off their pb&j sandwiches'. Absolutely Delusional.

According to the call I got from my lady last night, I was approximately 2 hours and 10 minutes from having her safely back in my arms,( give or take a couple of seconds to an hour.) I really wasn't on patrol, but was way too excited not to be runnin canine. Creepy tumor like notch in a tree, check. Empty birds nest, check. Funny looking purplish bush, check.

"MMMMM………bush"

"Guhh! Paul, shut the fuck up. Don't bother me ..I'm busy"

"Yea, busy being pussy whipped." The few moments I ever felt sorry for him because he didn't have a soul mate to call his own, were severely overshadowed by the significantly more moments like this, when I wanted him to drop the soap and get stuffed like a turkey.

"Oh why don't you and Jake just circle jerk each other already? I can't sit through any more of these patrols with you whining like a little bitch."

"……….!!!!!!" That's it! I didn't have enough respect to answer his unenlightened remark. Instead I was changing course and figuring out that at this speed and elevation I could be on his ass in 1 minute and 45 seconds.

"Oh come off it you meat swallower. You're such an touchy little schoolgirl lately" His annoyance quickly turned into excitement at the thought of an afternoon puppy tussle. "But I guess if you really want a healthy helping of this ass kicking I've got on the table, come and get it taint-stain!"

20 seconds and this fag was getting his hind legs ripped off. I came at him from the side but the quick little fucker was bowed and ready for the charge by the time I got within chomping distance. We jawed and rolled around for 10 minutes or so, taking out a gigantic amount of shrubbery, and splitting a tree. I was bleeding pretty profusely from the ear that he mauled up, but he was definitely favoring his left front paw for the last half of the fight from my badass pummeling. It was a graceful and fucking perfectly executed combat maneuver, if I do say so myself. I would have to practice it for a real fight. And just like our verbal brawls, at some point we both just kind of gave up out of boredom. Also, in the last few minutes, we both realized the attention of the rest of the phased pack was listening in on us and everyone was making bets on who would get in the best licking. I'm afraid Brady was the only one on my cheerleading squad, where as Sam, Embry, and Quil were all convinced I was going to get my balls handed to me. Then to be funny, Embry started putting his own artistic flare to the visions everyone was getting from our scrap, and in his head they were starting to favor slightly more erotic scenarios. That cherry pie has had the last giggle today at my expense. If anything could get me and Paul on the same side again, it was giving us a common enemy. = Jared and Paul vs. …Embry's virginity. Round one:

"Don't even try to pull that fudge packing bullshit with me, not today." His giggles stifled but continued. Paul was almost as annoyed as I was.

"Yea,….If anybody's pushing through the fudge around here Emb, hands down its you and your untouched baby dicklet." Embry's chuckling ceased immediately and there was an awkward silence spreading through everyone's mind. Until, momentarily, Paul remembered his point from earlier and his attitude shifted from angry back to smug. "Besides,…. there's nothing remotely funny about the widdle sympathy vagina growing from the area where Jar's testicles used to be, so give the guy a break huh?." …..Irritating douche.

"Fucking shit you guys!!! I swear to God, I'm so wound up right now I would have no conscious at all about tying any of you spread eagle to the boundary line and letting that big meathead bloodsucker ram you with whatever he's got handy." Seeing that my tone lacked any humor, Daddy felt it was time for a group time-out on the ragging of my pussy whipped-ness.

"Alright, alright you guys. Enough of that. Back to work all of you. Jared, why don't you just head back now, …..you don't want to miss her." Sam was the only person that could understand. I unspokenly appreciated these helping hands when he gave them, even if he was mostly just a lame party pooper all the other times.

I was back to pacing and circling. Any longer and I might accuse Paul's grandma of a nasty string of whorish acts just so he would try and take me down again. At least I would be sidetracked from worrying. And just as all hope seemed gone and I had started to formulate a plan to hunt down every wedding guest in attendance, my wolf vision picked up the headlights of an unmistakable, army green, Jeep Grand Cherokee. This must have been how Joseph felt after months of crossing the desert with a girl that somebody else knocked up and a donkey. A shabby barn would have seemed like a gift from God to me too. So it didn't come as a surprise when I almost jizzed myself at the mere sight of that midsize SUV. She was home. Kimberly was home. And over my dead body would I ever let her leave again.

The car made its way down the road and took an outrageously long time at each and every stop sign. Rolling around the last turn, it slowed at the mailbox for Mr C. to retrieve the three days worth of stuffed in parcels. After finally climbing the driveway, he parked in front of the garage door and turned off the car. I was fighting the urge to run and rip her from the Jeep. That would have been a **bad** idea since I was still a giant wolf because my body was too excited to sit still. I was filled from head to junk with pure adrenaline and could do nothing but watch from the tree line across the street. Annoyingly, the car had been off for over a minute and no one had gotten out. It was the way someone wanted to finish a conversation and everyone else wasn't aloud to get out until it had ended. My hind leg was twitching. Where the hell was she? I would give her just one more minute before I threw our tribe's secret to the wind and ran to her. Then on que, the back door opened and the most beautiful red and mud caked rain boots swung out, closely followed by hottest creature that ever lived. She was wearing a grey oversized cardigan and holding onto her shoulder bag and a frayed, stuffed monkey named Hammy, (which I personally knew to be her traveling companion since birth.) Her hair was in a high, messy bun on top of her head and she was definitely pouting about something. Everyone else was making their way out of the Jeep now too.

"And that's final!...... And don't you going talking to your dad behind my back young lady." Tsk tsk Hannah. Why do you always have to disappoint my baby? Her comments were obviously directed towards Kimby, but Hannah's back was turned away as she carried shopping bags up to her elbows up the front steps. Her older sister Charlotte seemed to be uninterested in the conversation, _and_ physically unable to look up from her phone. Her dad walked to the back of the car and opened the trunk to get the luggage out. Kim stood in the driveway, angry and sulky, watching her mom and sister into the house. Once the front door was closed, she abruptly turned towards her dad and squinted her eyebrows together.

"Just don't botha pumkin. You know your mum." His British accent couldn't hide the fact that he'd said the very thing she didn't want to hear.

"Now, chin up yea? Get your bag?" Still squeezing Hammy, she let her head fall forward and her shoulders slump in defeat. Whatever this was about, she'd just given up the fight. He flung a large duffle back over his shoulder, and dragged two rolling suitcases to the porch after giving her a regrettable pat on the head. Once he was in the house too, she gave her shoulders one last slump and brought the monkey up to her face. Talking with wide eyes to the only one on her side, she said in the most pitiful voice "well, at least _you_ like me Hamms." My gloomy little buttercup. She stuffed him in her purse and then reached for her suitcase. My immediate need to feel her on my fur was distracted by the sight of her trying to bend over and pick up her bag. She was wearing the jeans with the swirls on the pockets. She knows what the swirly pocket jeans do to me. I so rarely get to watch her with my presence unknown; I picked up my paw closest to the yard and shuffled further back into the shadows. She struggled for another minute and then yanked on the bag that probably weighed a metric ton, and let it fall with a thud to the driveway. When she was determined on something, she always bit her tongue out of her mouth in the most adorable way. Fighting with it again, she finally kicked it to its side so she could roll it to the house. She was one a step away from the stairs when she froze in place. She turned her body towards where I was in the trees and raised one eyebrow in an inquisitive smirk. She felt it too. Our pull was stronger than any unhappiness Hannah could ever cause her.

She threw the luggage aside and it awkwardly fell over. As she walked closer to where I was, her frown turned more into a smile. By the time she got to the road, she was almost running and I could tell she knew. She looked left and then right, not for cars but for nosey onlookers, and then almost skipped across the street. She was hesitant for only a moment before she reached up to caress the fur on my neck. This is what home felt like. Her soft little hand touching me, loving me, even when I looked like a monster. This was only the third time she'd ever seen me like this, but there was no shock in her eyes, just warm love. My leg wasn't twitching anymore and calm washed through my veins with every stroke through my hair. My humming purrs started to get loud enough for her to hear, and she smiled even bigger and said "I missed you too."

Finally calm enough to change back, I stepped away from her and she let her hand drop. I closed my eyes and shook my head and by the time Id focused back on to her face, my arms and legs started to tingle and my stomach felt the awful fuzzy popping. Voila! Jared's back to his beefcake of a body. Her smile registered my face and then quickly followed my naked body down to the goods. Her cheeks blushed and she batted her eyelashes in embarrassment. I wasn't the least bit uncomfortable. We were half way to the way I wanted us to be all the time. When we made eye contact again, I had my hands on my hips and she slipped a giggle.

"Oh put your clothes on so I can kiss you already." She tilted her head down and made a visor out of her hand. I guess this wasn't going to be the moment I get acquainted with her nether regions after all. I put on the shirt and cut off khakis with my own defeated slump, but let it go immediately when she tackled me to the ground before I could even zip up my pants. She was the one who kissed me but my tongue made quick advantage. Minutes later, when she was out of breath and my hands had rustled her hair almost all the way out of her bun; she sat up on top of me and dragged her finger along my jaw line.

"So I guess you didn't forget about me." Oh honey, forgetting was never the problem. It was remembering not to rip your clothes off the first time I saw you again.

"Yea.. I guess so, and you're….wait, don't tell me …….Bev-erly…….no no, hmmm…Jaime? She squinted her eyes in a disgusted smile then punched me in my stomach with her little baby strength. "OOOHH YEA! Kimberly! I'd recognize those angry, flexing inner thigh muscles anywhere." She leaned in like she was going to punch me in the gut again and at the last minute reached up and slapped my face. My eyes blinked a couple times in shock. Even though it didn't really hurt I was genuinely surprised. I love when she outsmarts me. "Oops, I meant the most beautiful woman in the world." She leaned back, satisfied, and I moved my hands to rest on top of her legs. She watched her fingertips move across my skin. At first on my face, then across my chest, and down my arms; keeping her eyes on my body parts while she talked to me.

"So anything happen while I was gone?" She didn't know the half of it.

"Dick loads, but nothing worth mentioning….._you_ weren't here." Still not looking me in the face, she smiled the proud way she used to when we first got together. We sat in silence for the next few minutes. Her; just reacquainting herself with my, no doubt, pined after body, and me; content to stare at that gorgeous face and lightly massage her thighs. "Soooo, what was all that pouting for?" I couldn't help reaching up and plucking her glossy bottom lip before she gave me the biggest "like you couldn't guess" look.

"You, duh! What else does mummy ever yell at me for?" First off, I had to be the biggest fan of her occasional Brit-lish accent slips. Second, it was true. Hannah didn't make any qualms about hiding her distaste for me and made vocal her opinions any chance she got. If I ever allow them to meet, our mom's will probably bond talking over all the things they distain about me. But in my defense, I think she would feel this way about anyone who so adamantly sought out her little girl.

"What is she accusing me of this time? Too good looking to be around her? I know I know, it's too much for her. But babe, I can't change my stripes. Just tell her to keep a cold compress around…you know…in case this chiseled jaw just overwhelms her into unconsciousness."

"Ehhww, gross! You know as soon as I told her about the party she'd come up with any reason for me not to go." Oh dear Hannah, why do you always make Operation Screw Your Daughter so intricately difficult for me? I had mentioned the party during our fleeting call yesterday before Hannah figured out that it was me on the other end and suddenly became super concerned with the usage of nighttime cell minutes.

"Ehh, I figured as much. What, afraid you'll be out late?

"I guess, or that we won't have any chaperoning."

"Please. Has she ever met Emily? Besides is not just the kids, it all the parents this time."

"I know, I know, I told her. Billy Black, The Atera's, even Mrs. Abrams (Collin's mom and one of Hannah's besties). But as soon as I talk her into a corner, she plays the whole 'Charlie's graduating' card. Like we need to focus on family time before it's too late. Bullshit .And _as if_ Charlie was even going to spend her first night home with us anyway. Then she pulls all these chores that have to be done today out of her butt. She's grasping, but daddy's not backing me up at all."

"Chores huh? Not exactly how I planned to spend our romantic first day together but ill work with what I've got. Well you know it's not until tonight. You work on her a little, and I can probably do the chores faster you than you anyway." I took my eyes off of her face for the first time and dragged my finger from her chin, past her collar bone, then down her cleavage to just under her tank top. " And, well, with all that extra time we save you…..wait what am I saying?…..screw the party." I took a firm hold of her arms and brought her back down to me. She held both sides of my face and we shared another long passionate kiss. When she parted from me, she gave me two more quick, flirty pecks. Then smiled and held her face and inch above mine.

"Or we could go to the party", she said in a sneaky whisper. I pretended to think it over and then leaned in for another kiss. We both smiled and I mimicked her flirty chipper tone.

"Or we could go to the party." She can talk me into anything when I'm face to face with her breasts. Sitting up, she caressed my cheek one last time before kind of giggling and pushing off me to stand up. She grabbed my hand with both of hers and planted her feet to help me up. It must have looked like a toddler trying to pull a horse out of quicksand. As I got to my feet, I thought about how grateful I was that she tackled me into a dryish patch of ivy instead of soggy moss covered everything else. (After the biggest let down of a wet dream I'd ever had a few days ago, I vowed never to be _dirty_ in front of my princess ever again.)We walked hand in hand across the street and picked up the forgotten suitcase. When we made it through the front door, we found the other two pieces of rolling luggage still sitting there. Obviously belonging to the women; too lazy to unpack.

She carried hers up the stairs and I made my way to the family room where someone was watching T.V. Charlotte was flipping through a magazine, painting her toenails, and watching one of those shows where they follow around whiney kids in California.

"Soo, Charlie, how are things?" I always feigned interest but she knew better. She cared just as much as I didn't.

"Oh, …ya know….things are good" It was the little dance we did. She was perfectly content to just live in her tiny, pin prick world, but it didn't bother me any, so good riddance. Charlie was a year older than me and two older than Kim. Because she technically had no real ties to the tribe, she couldn't go to the res school. It suited her just fine though. We didn't even have a basketball team for her to cheer for anyway. She had finished Forks High School a semester early and had already been accepted to the University of Wyoming. She had spent the last few months working as a hostess at the lodge…..and texting. Her almost red hair and pale skin resembled nothing of my mocha angel, but they weren't physically related anyway. Charlie just couldn't hold a candle. Her phone had alerted her twice since we'd spoken to each other. What a girl. And then like a breeze from Heaven, Kimmy came barreling down the stairs and jumped on top of me to share the oversized chair and ottoman. We shared one more sappy, wonderful kiss before she settled in next to me. Charlie looked up from painting her big toe, rolled her eyes, and then got another text.

"Oh, oh , oh …finally something in this town!" Kimmy was interested enough to ask, I continued to just wonder what color underwear she was wearing.

"Oh yea, what? A new stop light?" Alright, so she couldn't be this gorgeous AND be as funny as I am. I think I lucked out anyway.

"Pfffff, try a party. Like a REAL party."

"What is this time? Classy kegs on the beach? A raver at Andy Riggins lake house?"

"HA, try an actual, formal party at ….get this……….Dr. Cullen's house." And just like that……I'd abandoned the color game. Kim rustled next to me, uncomfortable too.

"Umm, the Cullen's huh? Why..why would you want to go there? Probably gunna be really stuffy and uptight." Her attempt to try and deglamourize the occasion was in vain.

"Umm, who wouldn't want to go? Hello….first off, it's a real party, period. Secondly, it's Dr. Cullen's house!" Apparently she wasn't going to be swayed out of going. "Shelby Brandon went up there once, delivering flowers from the shop. She actually got inside the doorway. Said the thing had like 4 stories and it was all sleek and decorated and stuff. Like one of those houses on T.V. And they're like rich for real. They'll probably have a caterer or something fancy like that. I mean, anybody who's anybody in our class is going to be there."

"You were actually invited?"

"Well, not technically. But I have on good authority that Emily is going to break up with Alex before we walk on Monday. Which means he'll probably ask Mallory who was already invited. Which just leaves Tyler Crowley with out a date **AND** a plus-one invitation. I might be willing to spare him the embarrassment of arriving stag." I don't know what was more painful: Not being able to tell her the real reason why she wouldn't want to go, or just listening to her ramble about this stupid shit in the first place. "Thank God I got those new heels."

"Tyler huh? Is Matt gunna be ok with this?" Ohh, and my lady was sly and three steps ahead. Her dumb jock, basketball star boyfriend was a year older. And was probably face down in a toilet as we speak, waiting for his still-in-high school girlfriend (whom I'm sure he's been 100% faithful to) to join him at the University of Wyoming.

"It's not like I'm gunna sleep with the guy. Besides, Emmett will probably be back for his sibling's graduation party. And what better place to corner him without "Rosalie Cullen" attached at the fucking hip?" She said Slutty McVamp's name with a snooty and disgusted, high pitched voice. Kim told me once that her sister had kind of had a thing for that bloodsucker and found the blonde bitch annoying as hell because of it. Charlotte was jealous, and I, well I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

"You don't know that he's going to be there. Charlie, seriously, its sounds really lame." My poor baby, she'd already lost this fight and she didn't know it.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say a certain someone is jealous they're not going."

"Ugghh, whatever. Just stay where there are lots of people. Don't go anywhere by yourself, ok?"

"Ooookaaay. Awkward much?" Her naivety had just hit my boiling point. I had to intervene.

"Listen, Charlotte. I know you don't understand, but just trust me ok? Don't……It would be best if…..oh hell, it's just a bad idea to go anywhere near the Cullen place." She looked at us both and then rolled her eyes again.

"Hey, just because you're not getting any doesn't mean I have to sit at home and listen to Kim whine all week." I'm willing to take a lot, but no one smites my lady.

"You know what. I hope you have a great time. Make sure you wear something that shows off your nec…." Kimmy punched me in the arm and I only felt half guilty.

Charlotte squinted her eyes at me annoyed, but held in her rebuttal due to the new person walking into the room. Hannah had her reading glasses on, holding a cookbook and pointing to a casserole recipe. She started talking to the girls without lifting her head from the page.

"So it says it only takes 2 hours but I'm totally willing to Taco Bell this…" and then her eyes met mine. I had a huge smile on my face, she did not. "Oh, _you're_ here."

"Hello Mrs. Connweller!" I declared in a cocky, excited exclamation. "I hope you had a wonderful trip!"

"………………….Yea."

The rest of the afternoon went on about that smoothly. A few minutes of Kimmy and her mom arguing back and forth, but ultimately Hannah gave in after Charlie said she would be spending the evening in Port Angeles anyway, and Mr.C. finally came to his daughter's defense. I did have to clean a lot of baseboards, and Kimberly was under strict orders to stay and leave with the Abrams, but it was all worth it if I could spend time with her. She walked me to the door and we said our goodbyes so she could get ready. I stood on the top step and we held hands and touched foreheads. I would be seeing her in a few hours, but it was still hard to let go.

"Ok, go do doggy things. After I shower and get dressed I'll call your house."

"So what your saying is, you would very much like it if I joined you in the shower?" She shook her head no, but kissed me anyway.

"What I'm saying is, if you get out of here and let me get ready, I might forget to put panties on under my dress." DONE. One more kiss and I was out of her yard. I could have furploded and got home a lot faster, but a jog would do me good. After her latest comment, the visions running through my head did not need an audience in the form of my pack brothers. Besides, sometimes it felt good to feel ground pounding under your feet and wind on your face. I passed the bait shop and only had 3 miles to go. The quiet was nice too. When your so use to a thousand voices in your head, nothing can be a little refreshing. Kimmy was home, partying was to be had, life was good.

Pussywhipped? You bet your ass!

*** I know this one was long winded, but there's so much that needs to be said about Jared and Kim. If we had gotten to know more than the three line introduction their relationship was given in the books, we all might not have found her character so dull.**

**As always, if you people don't start commenting about anything, I swear I will never wrap this story up! **


	8. Chapter 8, Girls

Hello readers, Welcome to my first flashback. I had started this story with the gumption that I would take people's opinions and feedback and try to incorporate it into my style. However, no one really ever says anything about it. So …the result: I'm just going to do it my way. I already have the next one written and yes, **lemons** will be had. But I am holding it hostage unless more of you review. Sooo many people whore out my man and leave me with nothing. My decision will follow. Do the right thing people.

Everything always belongs to SM except the sexual tension between me and my native book boyfriend. I'm afraid that's all mine.

***************************************************Girls**************************************************************

~4 weeks earlier~

It was technically not just little Seth's coming out party, but we really didn't honor the fact that Leah had gone all hairy just two days before Seth did. I guess she was sort of embarrassed, so nobody put up a fuss. Most of the parents were hanging in the kitchen, dining room, and on the front porch. The littlen's were lollygagging in the front yard with a wiffleball. And Jenn fucking Bunnell was on her knees in the woods, 500 paces from the house, and she was just plain…..gagging. Paul has a strict policy of sucking on an utter, only as long as the milk is free. So when a slut starts making demands (such as asking to maybe meet your friends after swallowing a load of cum) I'm afraid the cow is put back out to pasture. Paul zipped up and helped her stand before he told her she wasn't invited and that she'd have to find her own way home. OH MY GOD! I idolize that cocky bitch! She slapped him good and hard on his baby face right cheek, called him a few choice words, and then huffed off towards the main road (half expecting him to follow and apologize). But then _that_ is exactly why Jenn was merely a bronze medalist in the Paul Olympics. Stamina, but no discipline, ..no heart. And certainly not enough smarts to realize their tango for two was never going to make it past a back seat. So as she followed the road back to town, half crying, Paul had already deleted her from his spank bank and was focused on his new target; my mom's chicken and potato chip casserole.

Embry, Jake and I were in Emily's tiny little sitting area, trying to hook up my xbox to the ancient television that we weren't even sure had all the right plugs. Jake was mostly just brooding in a chair, overly pissy, and unenthusiastic about anything. (The norm these past two weeks.) This party was Kimless as so many events were. Since Collin hadn't joined us yet, I didn't have Mrs. Abrams as a buffer. So Kim was never allowed ANYWHERE with me if Hannah wasn't. Nobody was really in the best of moods seeing as we had so recently fairwelled Harry Clearwater. It wasn't a party, but more a gathering of close friends. My parents, Quil's Grandparents, and Billy Black were all in a pseudo circle in Emily's dining room chatting up Sue and Seth.

Mrs. Uley was wrapped in an afghan and propped up in a rocking chair, sitting in between Leah and Mrs. Ateara. Leah was holding one of her hands and staring off into space. On her other side, Mrs. Ataera was trying to feed her a drink through a straw. A while back, Mrs. Uley had a stroke and was almost a vegetable now. She had to be put in a nursing home because Sam couldn't be there to take care of her all the time. With medical bills and stuff, Sam had to sell their house. Leaving Sam and his fiancé, (who moved to the res to be with him, ouch!), homeless like unwanted puppies. That's when old Quil stepped in and signed over his hunting cabin to Emily. Said no woman should ever be without something to call her own. It was in pretty shabby shape at first, and didn't have a second floor yet or running water in the kitchen. Happily though, after generous donations by our families (and a construction crew made up of the strongest bunch of guys on the res who worked cheap), Emily made it into a home. The three women sat in silence on the porch as Sam brought his mother a piece of chopped up corn from the grill. Leah let her long, flowing hair fall into her face as she stared off into the woods, and then gripped Mrs. Uley's hand tighter.

Ms. Christine(Embry's mom) couldn't make it to our shindig. Surprise, surprise. She always said she could never get anyone to cover her shift at the diner or they were just too busy to ask off. But since Embry turned out all fanged and fuzzy. Well,…..well we knew why she never came around. It was decided that Paul's grandma and older cousin were best left in the dark, but his 7 year old cousin Betsy and her 6 year old brother Nicky were playing out front with the rest of the kids. Emily was in the kitchen, taking yet another pie out of the oven. Her sister was standing next to her, mixing a pitcher of lemonade. Paul finally made his way in, grabbing 2 big rice crispy treats as he passed the table, and clutching what better be the fucking thing he wasn't suppose to forget to pick up.

"So, you got it?" nosey 'lil Embry beat me to the punch.

"Of course I got it, you….." Paul paused for a moment, realizing the current company. "Yea, I got it."

"Sweet."

"Great. Then what are we fu…fooling around with this for? Come on, pop it in." So I was excited? We all were. The res wasn't very self sustaining. Most everything had to be purchased or processed in Forks or the city. But we did have one fried chicken lunch shack. Owned, run, and chef'd by one Mr. Wieblow; An old, ex-fisherman with arthritis and three cats. At said shack you could enjoy a burnt chicken lunch, buy an assortment of used fishing gear or auto accessories, or choose from a small section of the only place to rent movies within Quileute borders. It was mostly just a section of a wall filled with VHS' and DVD's he picked up at garage sales and thrift stores. But there was one singular jewel we kept him in business with. He didn't even have a whole season. Just one DVD of one season. But there wasn't a get together in the last year we didn't celebrate by a group screening of this whipped creamed topped masterpiece. Embry plopped it in, and Paul settled next to me on the couch. Once the menu music came on, Seth stopped mid sentence with Old Quil, and ran over to the floor next to Jake's chair. Emily heard the music too and looked around the corner from the kitchen.

"Owwwhh. Come on guys. Really? Can't we have just one. Special. Day. Without _her_?" at this point, even Sam had heard the melody and walked in the house to stand behind Jake's chair. He nodded to the parents and then pouted his lip at his lady.

"Sweetie, ………." He batted his eyelashes and quivered his lip. Emily crossed her arms and shook her head back in forth but with a defeated smile.

"Ugh, Fine! But only ONE episode. We have more _important_ things to do today." Gesturing her head towards Seth and walking back into the kitchen.

And now….there would be no more distractions between us on our scrumptious, Vamp-steaking Buffy. Spunky, with a touch of innocent. She was born to anilate all vampires from the Earth and ridiculously hot….for a white girl. How could the pack not drool all over our dog bowls? Picking our favorite, we all got ready for our ass kicking princess of the graveyard, to use a broken piece of bench to dust an entire coven. If only we could find a girl like this for Embry. If only we could find any girl for Embry. The episode played on and there was just a teaspoon full of sorrow in the air. Harry had been the only old guy who watched it religiously with us. He sort of had a thing for Eliza Duschku.

We were so wrapped up in other conversations and questions from the parents that we hadn't realized the one nauseous scene had snuck up on us. We usually are ready for the part when the Buff has a touching moment with her loser vamp boyfriend. Besides everyone else being totally grossed out, Jake was just a touch sensitive about it. We all turned our heads back to the screen at the exact moment to see her caress his cheek and lean in for a kiss. Seth couldn't fumble the fast forward of the controller quick enough, so Embry just leaned in and turned off the T.V. Everyone in the room sat in awkward silence and we looked at Jake. He was looking at the floor with his jaw clenched and had squeezed his empty can of soda into scrap metal. Mr. Ateara's normally terrible timing was forever forgiven for his first saving entrance.  
"Hey……everybody? So, Burgers are done." He had brought the tray full of meat and veggies in from the grill and was looking at everyone, confused as to what he'd missed. Mrs. Aterea tried terribly to move the party along in conversation.

"Oh, ….wonderful…lets just uh, lets just get the table situated. Where is that boy?" Pitiful, but everyone else followed suit and started talking and shuffling around. Everyone except Jake. Billy wheeled over to his son, patted Jake's leg, and brought zombie boy out of his angry daydream.

"Oh yea,…I think, ……I think I better get started on my shift." He dismissed all of us without another word and ran out, darting for the tree line. For the first time, we couldn't rag on his dramatic resentment. Two weeks ago, his "almost" girlfriend disappeared for three days and brought back the whole fucking Cullen clan with her. They were back to stay and the stench they soiled the land with was almost as grotesque as the idea that Bella had climbed back on top of that cold corpse cock. Jake had been droning around like a spanked little bitch ever since. We would give him one more week to wallow before starting to audition replacements. Other fish in the Sea, right? And with wolf junk like ours, girls would be throwing themselves on the fucking hook.

Emily and Wendy called the kids in to wash their hands. We would have to finish Miss Buffy later. Me and the guys started lining the card tables together and unfolding all the chairs. We were creating one super-table that took up all of Emily's house. Settling in to our places, Billy rolled to the end, Sue at his left and Old Quil to his right. Uncomfortably, Leah sat next to her mom and Sam sat directly across, after carrying his mom inside, still in her rocking chair. Even though Mrs. Uley now had the brain function of a toddler, she still always preferred to be near Leah, almost like a favorite babysitter. She sat at the middle of the table with no place setting, staring into a corner of the ceiling, and fidgeting on Leah's leg, looking for her hand. With the rest of us shuffling in, the only placement of note was the comical positions Mrs. Ateara and Old Quil had taken at the absolute farthest possible sides of the table. I didn't care, as long as I didn't have to sit next to Johnny. People were starting to calm and take their places when Quil jogged in the door, still in the process of pulling his shirt over his head.

"Hey…..Jake said lunch was ready." Since the return of Doctor Leech's gang, we always had at least one wolf on patrol. During the party, we were taking 1 hour shifts. Since Jake had just started, I would at least get to finish lunch before I had to take my turn. He was out of breath and reaching for a plate when his Grandma Miranda spoke to him.

"Honey, where are your shoes?" Everyone on our end of the table looked at his bare feet as he made a hitch hiker thumb and pointed behind him.

"In the yard, I didn't want Paul to eat my cheeseburger." Paul already had his cheeks stuffed with macaroni like a squirrel, and suddenly looked at him, offended.

" faaawwwuk yoooowwee" He managed to mumble out with one eye shut, chewing in determination.

"Ha, Jesus I was just joki……………………………………………….." But he didn't finish his thought. He had been laughing with us but was now stuck in his current position like a statue. Jaw hanging wide open like big gay guppy, wide eyed and unblinking, holding the ladle of potato salad upside down and letting it splatter onto the table cloth. One by one, we all realized he'd stopped talking and started looking in the direction he was to see whatever spectacle had him stupefied. The silence spread down the table until Sue was the last one jabbering. She realized everyone was looking over her head and spun around too. Johnny had made it to the table already from the upstairs bathroom. Betsy and Aaron were running down the stairs in front of Emily, who was holding her 4 year old niece Violet, on her hip. Her sister held her other niece and they looked only at each other as they finished their conversation down the stairs.

"I know Daddy always said to put sulfur in the ground for blue, but I asked the man at Monroe's and he said I should really try aluminum if I want all the purple out…."

Emily stopped mid sentence like the rest of us today. She looked at Sam with her eyebrows furrowed and then looked at the rest of us trying to make sense. She was alarmed as she followed our gaze behind her to her sister. We all started looking back and forth from Quil to Wendy. Quil to Wendy. Emily gasped and Mrs. Ateara covered her mouth. Wendy, finally meeting our gaze, looked the most confused of all. She was searching each of our faces frantically trying to understand what was going on. The Silence was broken by Mrs. Uley childishly giggling and clapping her hands as if someone had brought a puppy into the room. And as if everything clicked for everyone at once, we all looked back at that stupid dopey fag with understanding. He hadn't moved and was still holding his dripping ladle, upside down in the air.

An older woman! It was sooo Quil. I had to hand it to the guy, he could do worse. But something was wrong. We all started to concern ourselves less with Quil's expression, and more with Wendy's. She wasn't glowing or even happy. She still had a slightly disgusted confused face. She wasn't lingering on Quil's with understanding. She just kept looking at all of us like we all had three eyes. And that's when she felt the weight in her arms shift. Looking down even more confused, the little girl on her hip was desperately reaching out with both hands toward the crowd of people. Well actually not. Just to Quil.

Wendy did a double take and realized it was the baby girl in her arms that held his undivided attention. All the women in the room gasped this time. There was the ringing sound of two utensils dropping to plates and the scooting of a chair as Sam abruptly stood up and looked at the little girl. Seth was the first to speak with an annunciated "Oh. My. God." It was quickly followed by more of Emily gasping and Embry mouthing ". Shit." I had to bring my hands to my head like I was biting my nails. Why? To hide the boner sized smile on my face and to stop myself from giggling. My feet were practically tapping they were so excited. This was going to be. The greatest thing. That ever happened to me.

The entire table had their mouth's open in shock. Well everyone except Sam, who was focusing on Emily, her sister, and her niece. He hadn't once looked at our side of the room. The little girl with two pigtail braids kept struggling to get out of mother's arms. I wish I had popcorn! She finally squealed out "Momma I want! I want!" This was the final grain of sand. Grandma Miranda started blubbering and put her hand over her heart. The gasps and murmurs multiplied. Wendy tried in vain to hold her daughter's head, protectively to her face. With a horrified tear, she whimpered "Oh…..oh, Claire."

For the first time in 3 minutes, Quil moved. Like a light switch had gone on. Like the first morning rays of sun had appeared. Like he'd just figured out the answers to the Universe. Quil dropped the ladle and stood up straighter. He adjusted his shoulders like a weight had just been lifted. He took a deep breath and then smiled.

"……..Claire."

At that exact moment Sam tensed, locked his jaw, looked at Quil, …and _growled_. And also for the first time in 3 minutes, Quil looked away from Baby Claire and looked straight at Sam. The two guys stared at each other. One in extreme fear, the other in extreme anger. I was a dick length close to jumping up and down and giggling and then squealing like a girl at a Jonas brothers' concert. Somebody was about to die, and I had a front row seat. All the family members started backing away in fear of some wolf action about to explode inside the house. Everyone was ready to watch whatever this shit was, about to detonate. Everyone….except the bain of my existence. Everyone except my cock block since birth. My nagger, my pincher, the one and only person that ruins everything good and funny as shit in this world.

The rest of the house was just awkwardly waiting for Sam to fur out and drag Quil into the yard by his teeth. Everyone…except _my mom_. She stood her ground neutrally in the middle of the table. This was the breath before the storm. And my mother pulled the Hail Mary. She grabbed for the closest tray she could get her hands on and tried to spare Quil's life.

"So,……Does anybody want a _peanut butter ball_?"

* * *

I popped one more peanut butter ball in my mouth and chuckled at the memory. Mom had just brought out one more batch, and had already packed all the other potlucks into Tupperware containers. The party was in three hours at the Clearwater's. I hadn't showered yet, but there was shit to be done. Pops asked me to put in the new mailbox and I didn't put up a fight about it. He was the only one in the family that didn't use me for hulk-like strength on a daily basis. Old age was sneaking up on the man, so I guess I could lend a hand when asked.

I reached for the last ball in the line I'd eaten off the tray. And per usual, the bitch had perfect timing.

"Jared Kusinut Tinsel! If you have eaten _all_ of my butterballs, I'm going to beat your ass with a wooden spoon just like I did when you were little!" She had curlers in her hair and only one eye eyeline'd and mascara'd. She looked like a swamp monster.

"Cool it lady. There's like a billion more already packed." She was walking to the drawer with the spoon when the kitchen phone rang. Saved by the bell. She kept her angry eyes on me as she said hello into the phone.

"Oh hey, yea I was gunna call you. Do you think you can pick up…..No, I have to…….Well can't you tell them…Danny I don't have time for this…..alright alright I'll do it……Ugh, yea I love you too…And Danny not a minute after…..yea, yea..bye sweetie." I probably could down one more ball before my whipping. "Your father has a problem at work and proves useless to me yet again. So I would like to thank you for volunteering to pick up some stuff at Billy's." I raised both my hands up in a question with my mouth puffed out and full of peanut butter balls. She rolled her eyes. " Billy called while you were on you were on you playbox. His business in Port Angeles is taking longer than he thought, and he won't be able to swing back by his house in time to pick up the stuff he made for tonight."

Still chewing the wad of peanut butter "And Jake can't take it because?"

" _Because_ his carburetor is busted. Besides, Billy said he was probably sleeping after his shift last night. And you've seen him lately. It would be nice to let him sleep." Before she even finished her thoughts I was walking towards the staircase. "He also said he put the song book on the kitchen counter." I was halfway up the staircase at this point.

"Yes, yes…these sound like issues for you." She walked to the bottom of the stairs and folded her arms and lifted one eyebrow with a smirk.

"It's either go to Billy's or pick your brother's up from Karate." I froze on the step I was on and didn't turn around.

"Where are the keys?"

I pulled into Jake's driveway and parked the Nissan. Billy's truck was gone and none of the lights were on inside the house. But sure enough, both platters were sitting in the fridge and the song book sat on the kitchen table. I scooped everything up and placed it all in the passenger seat. I was about to get back in the car when I heard a really loud groan and the sound of metal being kicked coming from the garage. As I walked to the door, I spun the car keys around my finger. When I came around the corner, I saw Jake sitting on a turned over bucket, holding something tiny close to his face and looking particularly frustrated. I realized he was sitting among a sea of wood shavings and small, scattered blocks. Groaning loudly again, and crushing whatever he was holding in his fist to dust, he saw me leaning in the doorway.

"Oh, hey man."

"Cum shot for your thoughts?"

"Ehhh, just frustrated. I think my hands are too big."

"Considering I've seen your shlong, I know that is definitely not the case." He laughed and picked up a chunk of wood and threw it at me. I dodged it and walked over to him. Cleaning off a box of old magazines I sat next to him as he picked up a new little block of wood.

"So are you……." I picked up a similar chunk of tiny wood from the floor. "Making furniture for your dollhouse, are we?" He laughed again and punched my arm.

"Nope, a life-size replica of _your_ penis." Ha, he got me. I laughed too.

"But seriously."

"Ugh, just trying to make a woodcarving that doesn't look like shit. Billy's really good at it ya know? And I've discovered it's not genetic." I dropped the block in my hand and picked up another that had been half widdle'd and thrown. It had legs and a butt sticking out of the still cubed portion.

"Your carving animals…..that are drowning?"

"Heh, no. That one looked too much like Paul." It took me a minute.

"You're making a wolf carving….of yourself?"

"Trying."

"Did some creepy medicine man vision in your dreams tell you to do this? Your dad said you were sleeping." He adjusted for a minute, and then continued chipping away without looking at me."

"Oh, ugh…. yea. I got a call. And umm, I just wanted to get this finished before tonight." His uncomfortable weirdoness got my wheels a-turning.

"……..Your making this for her, aren't you?" He shifted, uncomfortable, but didn't look at me. I shook my head at him.

"Jake……"

"She, she wants to come over tomorrow after finals. And …..and Charlie called a few days ago and said her mom couldn't make it to graduation. So he asked me and my dad to use the tickets as a surprise." He was stumbling fast through his words, like he trying to give me reasons not to yell at him. "My dad was gunna pick her up a bracelet on his way home today. I thought I would…………..well, I just wanted it to be done by tomorrow." I felt bad for what I was about to say, but somebody had to say it.

"Jake……this is beyond pathetic. She …..well,……dude, her feelings are clear." He finally gave up the focused widdeling charade and dropped his shoulders.

"I just,.. I've decided I'm just gunna tell her how I feel. Straight out. I'm gunna look her in the face tomorrow, and I'm gunna tell her how it is. If she….well she won't be able to say I never said it." He brought the Swiss army knife and block back to his face. This talk was making me feel sick to my stomach too. I didn't like the feeling of any of my brothers being in pain. Except maybe Paul on occasion. And definitely Quil.

"You think you love her?" he looked at me offended and then looked back at his wood chunk as he spoke.

"I do love her." Oh, Jake.

"You know it's not really that simple, man. Just because you say it out loud…. Well, girls are fickle. And……" I didn't really know how to not sound like a jerk with this.

"I'd believe it more from someone who didn't have a girlfriend proud to be their soul mate." He was going to get annoyed and not take me seriously if I didn't say it right.

"That's just it, Jake. You didn't imprint on her. She doesn't have that connection at the end of the day. She might ….well if she doesn't pick you, well…how is that gunna make anything better?" I think I was just trying to prevent him from embarrassing himself.

"I just, when I look at her I feel something. Not what you feel when you see Kim, I know. But something deep in my stomach. She's right, Jared. And I just ….I won't be able to call myself a man if I don't do this." There was no talking him out of this obviously, so I switched to sensible and supportive.

"Ok man, I get it. Just be careful. Don't take on any Cullen's without calling me and the guys." I patted him on his back and got up from my box. As I walked towards the door I noticed a few legs of a busted up cherry wood coffee table sitting in a pile of trash.

"You know, this really looks more like you. The color has that girlish glow." He looked up and laughed again.

"Oh, I didn't think about that."

"Sure." I started walking backwards out of the garage and started spinning my keys around my finger again. "Oh and Jake, could you do me a favor and watch out for Kimmy since your gunna be at graduation anyway. I don't think there's anyway I'm gunna be able to get her out of going to that. I'd feel better if one of us was in the room, with the Cullen's, ya know?"

"Yea, sure man. Cya tonight"

"Thanks, cya." I turned around and walked out of the garage. But came back and stuck my head into the door way.

"And about calling yourself a man. Well, no one does that anyway, kid. I wouldn't worry about defending a reputation or anything." He put some aim into chucking the block in his hands right at my head.

"DICK!"

*** read above message yall, or no yummy Jared filling.***


	9. Chapter 9, Party

Attention my readers: welcome to the longest chapter in fanfiction history. I have re-story boarded this fic, so things have been switched around and added. But ultimately I think it is for the better. If you bellyache about how long it is, then don't read it! I could have shortened it in numerous places, but decided not to. This is how things went down for the wolves; don't blame me if it's intricate. But I will deff update soon, no more of this almost a month business. Thanks for all of you that reviewed. It really motivates me to get busy with the love of my literary life.

Disclaimer: I steal candy. I steal glances. I steal hearts. But mostly I steal characters, settings, and storylines from one Ms. Stephanie Meyer. Don't hate. If you're reading this. you steal my man for however brief a time. So Steph, thank you. I promise to keep him safe. And sometimes naked.

****************************************************Party************************************************************

Let me be the first to say, before anyone else in my pack comments about it, (In _MY_ story by the way) that little Natalie Casados was… fucking smokin! How had we never noticed before? Now of course, as far as I was concerned, she would always come in 2nd place, but there was no denying that lil sqwa was a No.3 special just begging to get bit into. The girl was barely 14, and already had a rack the size of Texas. A point at which Seth, Paul, and Jake (the only other wolves already here besides her brother) were all very, Very aware of. The Casados family had arrived at the Clearwater's a few minutes ago. Brady immediately joined the football game we'd started in the back yard, and his parents settled around the buffet table and started talking up the rest of the old folks. Paul's lil cousins and my brothers were playing on the old trampoline cleaned off for the occasion. Whitney and Olivia, both clutching identical dolls and were obviously still in the stage where they dressed the same, ran to the trampoline with the other kids. Which just left Jr. bacon Mchottie with no way to defend herself from a pack of hungry wolves.

She walked slowly and twirled a strand of hair around her finger. She wore big black sunglasses, a sundress, and a buttoned up short sleeved sweater. Even with most of her body hidden, it would be obvious to anyone not imprinted that she was completely tap-able. She seemed utterly uninterested in us and just made her way over to the other kids. You could tell we all snuck a peek at different times, but it wasn't until she took her sweater off and jumped on with Aaron and Nicky that football became old news. One by one, we all took notice of the new development, stopped running after the ball, and stood motionless watching the show. Brady was still running his little heart out, and hadn't noticed till the goal line clothes basket that everyone had stopped chasing him. He ran over to Jake, confused as to what had stopped the game.

"Hey, I think I scored a touchdown for us." Jake didn't turn his head away from the trampoline to reply.

"Oh um, …..I'm not hungry."

"_What_?" He followed our stares across the yard and then threw his head back and groaned. Up and down. Up and down. The recoil alone was enough to take a knee and thank the good Lord. From the corner of my eye, I saw Seth take his backwards cap off and clutch it to his chest out of respect. I half felt the urge to put my hand over my heart like the Pledge of Allegiance. If anyone ever asked what we're fighting for, we were watching them jiggle under a sundress.

We must have all been standing with our mouths open like that for a few minutes because I heard Billy chuckle really loudly and saw Mrs. Casados hurriedly run over to the trampoline. The Uley's and the Ateara clan popped around the side of the house just in time to bring us all out of our trance. But thanks to Brady's embarrassed mom, the show was over anyway.

Emily was juggling a large covered dish and holding one of 's hands. Sam was supporting most of her weight and they all walked slowly towards the table. They were followed by Old Quil who escorted Miss Miranda and her oxygen tank. After that it was the Ateara's, carrying a huge cooler between them. Finally, Mary Poppins waddled his way into the yard. Little Claire was dead weight, asleep on his shoulder, and he was walking slower than turtle cum trying not to jostle her. He had a huge babysitter bag over his shoulder and a little pair of ……..no they can't be……..oh yes, yes they are. How am I not supposed to point out his lesbianism's when he parades them around like a neon sign? Quil was holding a little pair of foamy green bloomers, which anyone could see matched that of the frogs on Claire's dress. She was probably either going commando underneath it or just slumming in the pull-up pants. I think it was less depressing when he just didn't have a girlfriend. Even though we couldn't see it, he was probably growing a clitoris as we speak. And the first time he ever mentions anything remotely resembling potty training, we're just going to put him out of his misery and drown him in the ocean.

Leah had appeared for the first time as Sam handed over his prematurely old mother. The two women sat inside the screened in porch for the remainder of the evening. Probably as far away from everyone as Leah could get. After convincing Quil in not so many words, that he had neither breasts nor an umbilical cord, Emily took Claire away and the teams were even for some decent plays.

It was right around the time that Sue plugged in all the paper lanterns that I heard the most beautiful noise in the entire world. I could hear her laughing. Fuck football. I walked towards Mr. Abrams and the few of his children that had made it around the house. Mrs. Abrams took the rear, but more importantly, next to her was my angel. She was carrying two stacked casserole dishes covered in tin foil, and she looked like cotton covered sex. She'd pulled her hair up into a high ponytail and wore the floor length, light blue beach dress I'd once christened under Masom's Bridge. Every time she looked at me, it knocked the wind right out of my lungs. This was no exception.

We all introduced ourselves to the Casados family, and every wolf besides me, Sam, and Quil, made sure to personally extend a hand to miss Natalie. Everyone listened intently as Billy started the ritual songs. Some of the newer members didn't speak Quileute, but the power and beauty of his words weighed just fine without translation. Brady was brought in front of everyone and recited the ancient incantations. When the final pat on the shoulder from Sam signified the formal acceptance into the pack, us guys howled and everyone clapped and whistled.

You could tell Brady was getting excited because his eyes started darting back and forth and he couldn't keep his hands still. Mrs. Casados reached for her bag and handed Bray-bray his pills. Brady suffered from the biggest case of ADHD, and we'd figured out that when he turned all wolf his body burned off the meds, forcing us all to suffer with him. We figured if the PCP slideshows were the only problem, he really didn't need them. But when human, Mrs. C. made him take like an 8 pill dosage. All things considered, that fucked up little geek was an ok guy, and was gunna make a bangin wolf. And since now he was our little brother, business is business. Operation _Lady for Brady_ started formulating in my head. We were **NOT** going to let this kid fall through the cracks as we had allowed Embry to. If nothing else, being in this pack meant that some day soon, baby Brady was getting his brains fucked out. It's what family does for each other.

After night time had fallen, Seth stayed long enough to get a quick bite of everything, before he left his hat with his mom and ran off to start his shift. I spent the next 25 minutes sitting on a wicker loveseat, eating barbeque, and inspecting her dress for panty lines. As everyone finished dinner, activities started up again at various locations on the lawn. Sue and the Bittys had retreated inside to the kitchen. Where as the old dudes were poking around the fire pit, beer in hand. Old Quil was sitting in a lawn chair made of drift wood, and reading to a very concerned Claire, who was clutching the book in his lap. At two I probably would have been worried about the kids in the story too. However was that fucking cat in the hat going to undo his latest pickle? Quil sat next to them on a rock, watching over both of them like a fascinated douchebag. He was holding a half emptied sippycup and had nothing left but the memory of his pride. Jake wasn't far away. But the kid had dozed off after eating and was probably dreaming about taking a Louisville slugger to the hood of a Volvo, judging by the excited little twitch in his face.

Since Collin was around now, the football game was back and bigger than ever. Complete with assigned positions and Collin tackling everyone, including his own team mates………I hope that little prick gets ball cancer. I sat out and delightedly watched Kimby and Emily running around the yard with the wolf cubs. One of the twins, I don't really know or care which one, had a sash covering her eyes and was being spun around in circle. When she was set loose, my princess ran behind the tree with Aaron and some of the Abrams' kids, giggling like one of them. A small part of my mind fast-forwarded to when this would be our children. Kimby, just as beautiful and loving with them. The only difference in the future would be her, hopefully larger cup size, and she would be holding hands with a little boy related to me that isn't quite so fucking feminine. Aaron loved her. She always played with him and listened to his secrets. I live under the assumption the little dude is autistic, but Kim has too much kindness in her heart and can't help loving everything. The blindfolded twin flailed her arms like a zombie in Aaron's general direction, and he hid behind Kim and gripped around her waist. His face was awful close to an ass cheek and his little hand was touching a place on her thigh I would never let any other man touch and live to tell the tale. I squinted one eye and scowled a little. Maybe this little punk wasn't as dumb as I gave him credit.

I took notice of my father for the first time. He was standing across the lawn, nursing his probably second or third Budweiser. He was listening to Mr. Abrams go into detail about his latest fly fishing adventure, but he also had one eye on the kids playing in the yard. A half smile hinted in his lips and it occurred to me that we were probably thinking about the same sorts of things. AWK-WARD!!!! My dreams of my imaginary family came to a screeching stop. Besides, I would never allow _my_ boys to be so pussied. Sorry Pops, but they're had to have been SOMETHING that could have been done to prevent your youngest from becoming such ass munchers.

Embry showed up a few minutes later, bathed after his shift switch with Seth by the looks of it.

"Hey, my mom sent these pineapple upside down cakes. Somebody called out today, so she has to cover two shifts. She says she's real sorry she couldn't make it." Yea, whatever Emby-face. He always looked super embarrassed when he told us her bullshit. We all knew they were lies. And he knew that we knew, but nobody called him out on it. We had enough shitty drama in this pack as it was.

Speaking of drama, Leah had come out of her cave and was organizing the cooler. She was squatting and bent over, pulling all the soda cans to the top of the ice. Paul saw his opportunity and ran to her. When she reached to the bottom, he bent over and whispered something about his tongue and her thong into her ear. She whipped up and turned around, startled, but he was just as fast. They were standing a few feet apart and looking at each other, and Paul just had to push the line. He winked and made little mocking kisses at her. She huffed, scrunched her face, and then pushed on his chest, making him stumble backwards. You could tell he was a little embarrassed that she'd surprised him and started Pauling-out.

"Damnit woman. Calm the fuck down why don't you." They were whispering too softly for the cluster of regular people to hear, but no matter where the wolves were in the yard, we caught every word. "Come, on Leelou. Stop denying this. (Pointing back and forth between them) I might even be able to take that stick out of your ass. And while I'm there…." He leaned in again, and tried to wind his arms around her.

She huffed more enraged than I've ever seen her, and you could hear the crack bounce through the forest when she slapped him. Even people with normal senses stopped and looked at them. Still though, we were the only ones that could hear.

"Fucking ……bitch" He said through mumbles as he held his jaw. She just stood there eyes a blaze, her chest heaving up and down with her upset breaths. Paul glanced around and his eyes singed with disgust when he realized he'd just been shamed by a girl. He leaned in closer this time, just so that his mouth was level to her ear. His tone turned taunting…..cruel even.

"You know, you probably need a good fuck. I bet that's what's got your panties in such a twist. Do you even remember the last time someone slipped it you soo hard you….( he lowered his voice to an even quieter whisper)…screamed?" Her resolve faltered for only a moment, but it was enough. He'd really struck a nerve. For the tiniest second, she looked like she was about to cry. Quickly though, she sniffled it back when noticing Embry and Brady standing a few feet behind Paul, with nothing but pity in their eyes. Angry Leah was back, and turned around to high tail it back inside the house.

Sam was staring straight at her. Normally they avoided eye contact at all costs, but this ….the pain in _his_ eyes…..they were tortured. She remembered the last time somebody made her scream all right. And apparently so did Sam. Whatever thick skin she had just grown, peeled away. She looked away from him and speed walked to the porch so she wouldn't have an audience for whatever emotional response her body was about to produce. Sam watched her walk away and Emily weaved her hand into his. Not reminding him that she was there, but telling him she understood.

And since it wouldn't have the gonads to be called a party without Sam wanting to kill somebody, Paul volunteered for the first time in pack history to start his shift early. With the look Sam was giving him, Paul almost didn't even make it to the tree line before we saw him fur out and tuck his tail between his legs. Hopefully that jizz junkie was contemplating how he was going to run 2nd swing shift for the next three weeks missing one of his paws. A sad chapter had just been closed in our family. This would be, no doubt, the last time Paul tried to go spelunking in Leah's cave.

It goes without saying the mood had been killed for everyone and not long after, people started departing. Brady rolled up his sleeve and prepared himself with mixed enthusiasm, to follow old Quil into the house. He was excited to get branded as a brother, but a little apprehensive of the needles. Were this another life, and if I wasn't such a complete badass, I might be inclined to say that I too felt a little performance anxiety when faced with that pulp fiction sized bastard. Speaking totally hypothetically of course.

Jake was quick to go too, after Billy mentioned he'd brought a used carburetor from his trip to town. Prolly had to scramble home to fix the Volkswagen and finish carving out his little mini-me before his shift tonight. No doubt, all in the name of his "not-a-date" with Princess Leech blower tomorrow. Fucking depressing.

Then, as if there weren't enough negative vibes, I got the feeling the Abrams were about to depart. I took Kimmy to the side and started kissing her cheek and whispering things into her ear. She was smiling and laughing along with me, until I asked if she wanted some company tonight. I was half joking like I always do, but she stiffened and stopped smiling.

"Oh you want me to come sooner? I guess if Hannah doesn't mind." She was really not laughing. Awkwardly, she said goodbye and then ran off to Collin's van without another word. If I weren't such a stud, I could swear I just got the brush off. I started to follow her but was quickly corralled in by my mom and Mrs. Casados. By the time I'd made it around the house with my arms full of leftovers, The Abrams van was gone. I didn't like her upset. I'd have to stop by tomorrow morning and see what was going on. My entire family helped the Casados carry stuff the two blocks back to their house. The only extra edition was Embry. A few paces behind, carrying a platter and surrounded by all the Casados girls. Chatting them up like big gay slumber party. Even they picked up on his lady fabulous tendencies. There really was no hope for him. A few more months, and the dude will probably be menstruating.

After an episode of Nip/Tuck and a little Halo, I just layed in my bed and thought things over. It was only 11:00, and I didn't really find it pathetic I was already in bed. My baby was upset about something. And I made her uncomfortable. That knowledge was swirling in my stomach like old vomit. I picked up the phone a half dozen times, but always talked myself out of it. Whatever was going on with her, I didn't want to possibly make it worse.

Depressed and Lonely. I was even too disgusted with myself to masturbate.

"Clink." What the Fu… "Clink, clink". It was coming from the window. "Clank" I ran to the window and drew it open. "Smack" was the sound the next little pebble made as it hit me in the forehead.

"Oh good, you're here!" Kimby whispered and then covered her mouth with her hands in anxious surprise. I made a dramatic scene of pretending to look around to make sure it was my window.

"Were you expecting someone else?"

"SHHHHH!"

"Why are we whis-per-ing?" She looked as though this thought had just occurred to her, but then shook it off and kept going.

"Come down and get me?" I pointed to the lattice work next to my window, and then smirked patronizingly as if to say 'what are you waiting for'? She looked disgusted and then fake smiled. Without talking, she pointed to her clunky red rain boots and flicked me off with her other hand. I am in love with this woman. I smiled and then stepped back a bit to get a running start. I landed on both feet, close enough to her that I could hear her heart jump. She brought her hands down from her face and smiled back at me. Our embrace was quick but desperate. It had been nearly 2 hours and 40 minutes since I'd last touched her. It was painful. We started rocking back and forth during our hug, and I couldn't help kissing into her hair. I could feel her fidgeting slightly and pull away.

I raised my eyebrow like I'd caught her hand in the cookie jar.

"So what's all this secret mission rendezvous business about?" She looked away from me and bit her lip. This evasive and secretive Kim was turning me on. She hadn't acted this way around me since the first week of us. It reminded me of simpler times when I use to be able to get away with stuff with her. "How did you even get here?"

"Oh…….I um, parked around the corner. Listen..I …I ..Well let's just talk inside, ok?"

"Ooookay?" I grabbed her up and swung her around to my shoulder. Holding on around my neck, we started climbing up the side of the house. The lattice wasn't meant to support this kind of weight. It started making buckling and cracking noises half way up the house. She was worried and clutched my neck tighter.  
"Is it going to break?" I pretended to look serious and shook the lattice.

"I don't know" I said, still pretending to be nervous. "How much did you eat at the party?" She loosened her arms and smacked me in the back of the head. I let her shimmy off my back and ease into the window. I followed her in, but my landing made a much louder thud then hers. We both froze and looked toward the light creeping in under the door. A whole minute passed, and we figured we were safe. It was a conundrum. Kimmy never felt comfortable coming up to my room alone with me, so I really don't know how my parents would feel about it. But I wasn't going to chance them possibly making her leave. So I played along with the whisper game.

"So are you gunna tell me what this is about. Nothing's wrong is it?" I was genuinely concerned for her. As if she momentarily forgot, she frowned again and walked over to my dresser, inspecting my things.

"Kim?" She picked up a chewed dinosaur and turned back to face me.

"Ok……..I …..well, I wanna say something and, well….Oh Shite." Mimicking the perfect way her father says it when Manchester scores a goal. She looked down at the dinosaur again and fiddled with it. She was nervous, like _really_ nervous. If I wasn't so concerned I would say it was adorable.

"Baby, should I be worried?" She rolled her eyes and then put down the dinosaur.

"Ok…..( she puffed up her cheeks and then blew them out, frustrated.)…ok….so we, we're all out for Katie's bachelorette party. And then they get me to take these little clear cups of drinks. And well, by the third of fourth one I felt really fuzzy and warm and dizzy and then. Well then, we all got to talking….." She was turning red and wasn't looking me in the eye. I sat on my bed. I didn't like where this was going. "So My cousin's started asking me all these questions because Charlie told them about us. And well…they asked all these (gulp) questions. Ya know,….about you and me. I told them we hadn't done it yet. And that well….well I told them everything we hadn't done." By this time she was completely looking down at the floor and ringing her hands. "They were all really shocked, and then my cousin Jenny, well she said…." She looked up at me almost in tears and then looked back at the floor. "Well she said that there's no way you would stay with me if it we weren't doing it. She said all girls do it, and that if I didn't you'd probably get it from someone else." She looked back at me and then back to the floor "If you already haven't…."

I couldn't even change my facial expression. I was in such a state of shock I couldn't knock myself out of it. These lunatic things she was saying were so completely off base, I didn't even know where to start.

"Kimb…"

"No let me finish." She'd gotten a second wind but still was avoiding my face.

"I told her it wasn't like that with us, that it was more, ya know special. And that she didn't understand. But she sort of laughed at me and said I was naive." I was starting to boil in my own blood. "I'm pretty sure I was drunk and so was everyone else. And she didn't mean anything by it. So when I woke up the next day I wasn't that upset….at first. But it's just been eating away at me." Yup, blood boiling over.

She paused, overwhelmed with nerves. "I know I probably sound really paranoid. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. Ughh, and I swore I could do this" she was talking more to herself now then to me. This was ludicrous. I finally started to formulate a face. But it was angry, ridiculously angry.

"That is……….that is.."

"No wait!" I could tell she was mentally yelling at herself. "I know… I know you'd do anything for me, and that we're meant to be together. And I'm not really…well shit, I probably won't be very good at it. But I just want to be clear……………I love you, and I don't want you to get it from anyone else. So if that's what it takes, I'm ready." She put on a bullshit confident face and took off the huge granny sweater to reveal a silky pink camisole and tiny little night shorts. Whatever I was about to say…..fucking out the window as my jaw hit the floor. A million things were running through my head at this point. I wanted to yell at her. But I also wanted to hold her, to sooth her, to tell her everything she said was wrong. And then I wanted to touch her entire body. And lick the little part of her belly peeking out underneath her top. I know there was a priority order I should categorize these things into. But fuck if I was too shocked to decide. Eventually though, chivalry wins in the end. Sometimes I wish that little angel on my shoulder would keep his mouth shut.

"Baby I….." She walked over to me and reached for the bottom of her top. Her nerves were shining through. This was wrong. And I wasn't going to wrong my girl. No matter how much I might think her skin tastes like ice cream. I stopped her hands and held them.

"Baby,….. that couldn't be farther from the truth. First of all, your slutty cousin is full of shit. Secondly, you _are_ my everything, and she doesn't understand. The only thing I want to do is make sure you're happy. Look at me." She slowly pulled her eyes from the floor. "Because the only thing I need…..is you. And all the physical stuff. I never want to do anything with anyone else ever again. Since that first time I looked at you, you were my world." I brought her to me and hugged her. "And well if you want to wait, then we are just going to wait. Even if it means forever." She sighed and I knew she finally believed me. We didn't move from our embrace. I just had to let her know she was the only thing in the world I ever needed to be happy. I hugged her so tight, I was afraid it might cut off her air supply. She relaxed into my arms and layed her head on my shoulder.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Swear on Harry Clearwater?"

"Swear on Harry Clearwater." We hugged in silence for a few minutes. But I wasn't in any hurry to let go. When she finally pulled away, we shared a quick chaste kiss. Then I kissed her forehead again. This time, when she pulled back, there was a wicked gleam in her eye. I was just so happy she wasn't sad anymore, I smiled at her. "What?"

She lunged in for another kiss, and I was more than happy to oblige. But this kiss turned frenzied. Heated. And in a matter of seconds she was putting everything she had into it and pushing me back towards the bed a little. She was incredibly eager considering what I'd just convinced her of. She pushed harder. She definitely wanted me to fall back on the bed. The taste of her lips almost outweighed my guilty conscious. Almost.

"Sweetie, Kim , what, what are you doing?" She looked nervous again but arched her eyebrow. She leaned in, and the kiss was slower this time, but just as passionate. She moaned into it and reached for the back of my head. Screw my bastard conscious. I leaned a little farther back into the bed, sort of taking her with me in the kiss. But before her feet came off the floor she pulled back. These decision changes were making my testicles throb. Without breaking eye contact, she slowly dropped to her knees. Before I could adjust the eyes that were popping out of my head, she put both hands on my zipper. Alarms were going off in fucking outer space. Looking in her eyes as she started to unzip my pants, realization hit me like a nuclear bomb. Dinner was gunna go a little differently tonight, and a hand job was soooooooo not on the menu.

"Kim, Kim ,….Kimby" I took hold of both her hands. She bit her lip again. She wasn't embarrassed this time, but almost apologetic. Like she didn't know the correct steps in this particular protocol. " Baby I …" I cupped her flushing cheek in my other hand. "All that shit I just said….I really meant it." She tilted her head and her eyes sparkled with a genuine smile.

"I know…………that's why I want to."

"Really, we don't have to do anything. I love you so much it…" OH MY GOD. HAND ON MY ON MY DICK. The feeling was super intensed like it had never been before. My dick knew. Little Jared fucking knew that something special was coming for desert. No pudding for you tonight my friend. Tonight we dine on crème Brule that tastes like the back of her throat. I only have so much control in the first place when it comes to her. I couldn't even stop her if I tried. She unleashed the beast, and I was already so hard it bounced out of my pants. She leaned forward and like the last nail in the coffin of my self discipline, she stuck her tongue out and licked the tip.

"_Oh shit_." I had to lean my head back and close my eyes. If I saw her do that again, I would immediately spurt a half gallon of the saltiest juice I had, right in her beautiful face. Something my body had been holding back for a special occasion. When I looked back down at her she was still holding my dick, waiting to say something.

"I don't, I don't……. I want you to help me. Just tell me what to do." Before I could answer she bent down again and sucked the head back into her mouth. It was harsh, but wonderful. She took a few minutes and just worked on the head. Every once in while looking up at me to make sure she was doing it right. Besides the few escaped moans though my hanging open mouth, I couldn't say a thing. She stopped her menstruations and looked up at me. "Umm, how much of it am I suppose to put in my mouth?" Jigga-what? Nomatter how much I talked shit to everyone else, I'd never realized till this moment how much I shielded her from the dirty stuff. She knew so little about the naughty things in life. I really didn't know how to respond.

"Well..ummm…well you see.." I brought my hand up and started rubbing the back of my neck. "It's really more what your comfortable with, don't……well don't do anything you don't want to." She looked puzzled and then just the tiniest bit upset.

"Well how much did _they_ put in?" She had to bring _them_ up at a time like this. Yes, I'd gotten head before. And yes, to my absolute horror, Kimmy found out about it. Fuck Paul and his smug twatty mouth. "Baby, this is completely different. I told you, my life before you….shit. Everything you do is…..you're perfect." She took this in strife and leaned forward. As soon as I felt those luscious lips touch my skin, I had to lean my head back again. This time, she lapped at me with her tongue, to ease my dick more into her mouth. It was all wet and warm. Her mouth was soft, silky even. This was gunna be quick.

Relaxing her jaw, she started swallowing me back inch by inch. There was no bobbing motion. She was just slowly taking me in, seeing how far she could go. With each fucking New York minute I was getting deeper in her mouth. I told myself I wouldn't look, but I _had_ to. She was gripping my thigh with one hand and holding the base with the other. Her hair was flipped behind her shoulders, and all I could see was the skin of her neck and chest. Her lashes were closed over her hollowed, beautiful cheeks. And the little bit of my dick left out her mouth was glistening with the wetness she was slathering it with. NOPE, nope that's enough looking. Back to closing my eyes and pretending I wasn't a whisper away from cumming hard into her mouth. And then, she was the end of me. I could tell she was breathing through her nose to try and calm her gag reflex but by god, my dick encountered the hot, sweet softness of her throat.

"OH , oh …oh Kim, please.." She blinked a couple of times then slowly took me out. Coughing a little at the end. She wouldn't look at me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know…"

"Woah, woah, woah. Sweetheart. You were, that was,….. I just didn't want to do it your mouth."

"Oh." She didn't look troubled anymore. She was determined for half a breath and then leaned in again, going to right to work. I wasn't prepared this time. She took my dick as far back into her mouth as was comfortable and then started to bob her head.

"Oh my (breath) fucking (breath) guha-god!" She was speeding up. It felt glorious. In and out. Hot and wet. Going faster and faster I started to feel the graze of her teeth when slipping out. I lightly stroked the back of her head.

"Just a little slower baby, longer." She complied, slowing down the muscles in her mouth. She started working her tongue again. Licking the bottom of my shaft, almost rolling her tongue as my tip slipped out. Each time she'd take it back in, she'd use a little teeth. I stopped giving her vocal commands, realizing she could figure out what felt good by my obscene moaning. This was building. Thinking about her doing this. Seeing her lips swollen around my cock . Imagining doing this to her perfect soaking pussy.

"Oh ……Oh god….yea……..oh yea." She sped up ever so slightly. Every time my dick was pushed into the hilt, she started swallowing. Engulfing it with her tight mouth. "Oh, baby…I'm not ….I'm almost" I was trying to warn her but she started sucking harder. I couldn't hold back anymore. I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes. Reaching out, I grabbed her hair at her scalp. Not pulling, but firmly tugging. I had to tell her, this was it. She reached up with her free hand and started stroking my balls.

"Kim……Kim…..Oh Kim." Faster still. In her mouth. Deeper and deeper in her mouth. "That's it baby. Oh yea." She was sucking me so hard I didn't even smell it coming. A wafting beautiful onslaught of Kimby's scent permeating the air. It was hot and delicious. Just knowing what she was doing was making her cunt so wet. And then, she looked up at me and took me all the way to the back of her throat. DING! My hands in her hair were shaking as I exploded in her mouth. One long spurt I could feel shooting down my shaft. A second spurt. It was blinding red behind my eyelids. And a third and fourth spurt making my knees wobbly and my dick tingle. After stilling for a few moments and catching my breath, I looked back down at her. She wasn't moving. I could tell she didn't know if I was done. Between exhausted breaths I nodded. She, very carefully, slid me out of her mouth. If I'd had anything left, I would have jizzed again at the feeling. When the head popped out a little bit of my cum dribbled out on her bottom lip. Her cheeks were puffy like she was holding her breath. So when she quickly sprung up and ran to the bathroom across the hall, I knew she was just spitting out and not to be concerned.

My whole body was tickly like it was asleep. I fell back into the bed and covered my eyes with my arm. The light in the room was even too much. That was…..the most incredible thing…..I've ever felt. She came back in, much more concerned about the noise of her steps now that she wasn't in a hurry. Without picking my head off the bed, I waved her over. She snuggled next to me and layed her head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and just starred at my ceiling, practically fucking glowing from what just happened. She giggled.

"So …I guess it was ok?" she was fishing for affection from her job well done.

"That was….that was….you're amazing." We hugged a little tighter for a minute and I kissed her forehead. She _was_ perfect.

We layed there holding each other for a few minutes and I didn't want her to leave when she finally let go and started getting up. We kissed a few more times as I tried to finagle her back into bed. But after saying I love you for the hundredth time, I picked my sweet lady up and leaped out the window to her automobile.

When I woke up the next morning, it was really early. Like insanely early. The time of morning where you can only see sunrise in the distance and the sky was still mostly black. Dew on the grass and birds chirping and all that shit. Yuck. I must be too excited to sleep in my post orgasmic glow. My feet were already bouncing at the end of the bed. I jumped out and headed down stairs to the kitchen. Pops was sitting at the table drinking coffee, with his tie loosely hanging over his shoulders. I hadn't been up early enough to see him go to work in forever. I headed for the pantry for some cereal. He was mulling over the funnies and had both his sleeves rolled up. You can take the blue collar _off_ the man, but you can't take it out…, well you get it. He said his hello without looking up from the paper.

"Jared"

"Dad" We both sat in the room for a few minutes doing our own thing. After putting his mug in the sink, he looked at me and held in his breathe like he wanted to say something. I looked at him and waited. After a moment, he just shook his head and chuckled, and then patted my shoulder. This was my dad, a man of very few words. He started rolling up his sleeves as he assembled his briefcase and work stuff.

"I left the bucket and scraper outside….And I think the gloves are still in the laundry room." Wait what? He was talking gibberish.

"Oh, and I put the ladder up against the house already. It should only take you a couple of hours; the gutters aren't really that full." I didn't like what he was implying. Normally he had me do stuff he physically couldn't, but this was straight bitch work. He was finishing his tie at this point. "Also, I'm thinking about taking your mother to dinner tonight, and it would be nice if you watched your brothers while we're out." A man won't stand to be treated this way.

"Dad, I have patrol later. And I'm probably going back to bed..."

"Jared, don't make me ask you again." He wasn't hard a man, but when my dad meant it, you didn't fuck with him."

"Uggh ok, fine whatever….but I'm not watching Fisting Nemo again." He put on his jacket and then headed for the door. He smiled a little to himself and then turned to me again.

"And umm, you don't have to put the latter away when you're done. You can just leave it where it is. I might…( again he chuckled) well I might need it later."

He was acting a little weird. I took a bite of my cereal.

"Ok, bye dad" He was midway out the door before he paused and looked back at me.

"Oh and Jared…..the next time she leaves muddy footprints in the hallway, I'm waking your ass up and making you clean it yourself." The door slammed closed at the same time the milk in my mouth was spit across the table and I gagged on my spoon.

Outside, sure enough the bucket and scrapper were waiting for me. But the ladder wasn't next to the kitchen like I thought it would be. I made it almost all the way around the house and when I saw it, I chuckled too. Our sturdy steel ladder was propped up next to my window in the place of the flimsy, half destroyed lattice work.

My dad was my fucking hero.

***Oh ppl, it was awkward, and embarrassing, and everything they never mention in the movies. And if any of you say your first time wasn't exactly like it, you are lying through your teeth. But mostly, please review. I really don't want to hold the next one hostage. ***


	10. Chapter 10, The Guys

So my ppl, this chapter flowed out in about 45 min. I wish I could sit around and listen to guys talk to each other the way they do when girls aren't around. It would be like a Christmas present.

*Not related in any way sidenote: I've actually only seen New Moon twice. The second time really recently. The word for today is product placement. When you already know the story, you can pay attention to the smaller things in the movie. You know, like how the frame is set up when Edward first walks to Bella, so that the Volvo is basically the co- star. And that we all have to be informed that vampires only fly Virgin. But the funniest one was actually in front of the movie theatre. The trash can behind Jake and Mike has a Burger King bag sitting awkwardly on top, so that the logo is front and center. When Bella comes and the frame switches angels to their backs, the bag has moved to the other side of the trashcan, but is still facing the camera, displaying those golden buns with pride. The camera switches back and forth a few times but always has that carefully placed garbage where everyone can see. It's like a magic bag. Here's to embedded commercialism. (I don't find anything wrong with this, I just thought fanfic readers would be the only one's who would get a kick out of it.) Without any more delays….

*****************************************************The Guys********************************************************

"Ugggh, dude, that's disgusting."

"I'm serious, it works every time."

Now normally, I'm all for the raunchy sexual stuff. For humorous reasons, the weirder the shit the better. But when it comes to Paul, the fact that he actually practiced the sick shit normally reserved only for porno's, made it all real enough to be revolting. Brady piped in from behind us.

"And it actually……tastes good?" Paul twisted backwards and ruffled Brady's hair.

"Like a titty cream sundae, my man." There was something cute about Brady's innocence. It was a polar opposite reaction to the natural aversion we felt toward meat head Collin from day one. You just wanted to coddle him and his naive little ass. Take him by the hand and lead him out of Candyland. Introducing him to the disgusting real world, one cooch at a time.

"But she really let you, ya know, put that …that in her? Who knew we had such freaky pownany on the res? Brady was dumbfounded. While Quil just kept looking at Paul, disgusted. We were walking along the side of the road at the cliffs, still dripping wet from our morning cliff diving swim. Paul turned back toward Brady again, and shook his hair out at him. It was a friendly gesture. Brady's lack of knowledge was almost refreshing in our lives. A world without death and carnage. A world without vampires.

"Well you see kid, once you get a girl that will let you use all the holes, well that's when life really starts." Brady's eyes got really big and he looked at the road, deep in thought. It was like he was just given the most powerful secret, and he was internally arguing with himself to use it for good or evil. Paul and I saw his facial expression, looked at each other and chuckled, and then turned back around. Quil, walking behind us next to Brady, finally groaned.

"Oh would you put a can in it. Girls don't like any of that stuff, you know. She's just afraid you'll find someone else that will let you do it if she says no."

"I beg to differ, you celibate cum stain. Last night she asked to me to, no more like _begged_ me to do it."

"Yea, sure. Just wait till you want to get with a girl that doesn't have spring loaded legs. You're gunna be so fucked."

I finally had to take a stance. "Shut the hell up, Ateara. It's not like they love each other. If she's too stupid to realize this isn't for the long haul. Well then she probably deserves to be raked over the coals a little. I'm tired of you sucking off your high horse these days." Quil shook his head at me, disappointed.

"And you of all people. I can't believe you go along with his horse shit. Would you like people to think Kim did that sort of crap?" After he dropped her name, but before he finished his sentence, I was already winding back to knock his fucking teeth out.

"Don't you _ever_ bring her up when we're talking about shit like this. Amy's just a slutty tramp. You know better than to compare them. And the next time, I _will _break your face." Quil just stared at me with a little smile.

"My poin-t" He annunciated the "t" at the end of the word just daring me to slap the shit out of him. After my last comment however, Paul seemed to take just the slightest bit of offense. I mean, she was a slutty tramp, but I shouldn't have ball sacked the fact that he didn't have something like the rest of us.

"Oh get over it marker dick. You know Amy's got two, maybe three more good weeks left before you leave her in a box by the road." He shrugged and acted bored with our talking. He knew I was right, but I think deep down he was jealous…not of imprinting…just of people having things that he didn't. I was gunna have to change battle tactics to avoid any more friendly fire. My smile widened at deciding my new angle. I turned back and looked at Quil.

"So Anyways, you're awful high and mighty for someone who's tapped a mountain lion." Quil, realizing where I was going with this, adjusted the towel around his shoulders and cleared his throat.

Paul, catching on, smiled too. "Oh yea! You sly motherfucker!"

"That has nothing to do with this." He said matter-o-factly, trying to avoid this conversation.

"Has to do with what?" Brady asked, not catching on.

"Well you see Brady, Quil here had a little …_encounter_ before going all bitch for Claire-bear."

"Ok, HA HA. Let's just drop this." Quil was getting so uncomfortable. This was great.

"Yup, it was a chilling spring night…" I started out, setting the tone like the beginning of a fairytale "And young squire Ateara here, was hunting his realm for beaver. Now most men would have settled for small game, easy targets. The inexperienced and …_young_" I rolled the last word and then laughed along with Paul. Brady was scratching his head not exactly knowing where the bullshit stopped and the facts began. Quil just looked out at the water, embarrassed and pursing his lips. "So then, we approach a heard of outsiders bonfire'ing on the beach. The rest of us _men_, take care of the few suspected drug pushers, where as Sir Lickalot can't be ripped away from his personal mission. Maidens to the left and maidens to the right, almost throwing each one to the side in search of that one…perfect……labia." Paul was clutching his sides in laughter and Quil was clenching his towel, about to explode. "And finally, like the sun rising over a new day, his Holy Grail appears to him. Smelling of Patchouli and drugstore perfume.

"Just shut the fuck up." Oh, this was too much fun. How I had forgotten what telling funny news was like to someone who didn't know.

"Quil, Quil, Quil. Young Sir Nevertouchedonebefore deserves to know the lore of fallen knights before him. As if to warn him that there are other evil things in the world wanting to eat him alive. Not just lifeless bloodbags." I even had to giggle for a moment.

"Now, this maiden was not like others of her kind you see. Sure, she looked rode hard and put away sweaty, and her breath did taste of menthol lights, but there was just something…special about this one." Paul just kept giggling away, and Brady was so perturbed that he didn't get the joke. "She hooked the hand not holding a plastic red beer cup, around this valiant knight. And the rest…well the rest is just a happily ever after. Becoming a man, in a bush at First Beach." Paul couldn't hold back anymore.

"So so so. A couple days after right, we're up At Mr. Wieblow's. And this crazy bitch bursts in with a baby, screaming about cheese crackers or something and low and behold its." But I had to finish his sentence.

"It's his Guinevere!"

"Yea, yea. But the best part is….Her TWO other kids come in after her. This broad is at least 30, and HAS THREE KIDS!!!!" Brady's eyes got big again and turned to Quil who couldn't bring himself to look at any of us. Paul tauntingly got right up in his face. "Quil totally did a mom!" Paul stuck his hand in the air like he was waiting for Quil to high-five him. After a few moments of silence, waiting for Quil's reaction.

"…………You guys can just go to Hell." All three of us laughed this time. Man I love that story. Then I rested my hand on his shoulder and looked him seriously in the eye. I did my best to reproduce the accent of the old ghost guy in the Grail room at the end of Indiana Jones.

"You choose….._wisely_" He smacked my hand away and the huffed off ahead of us. But we weren't through with him yet. "So sweet cheeks, what is it we use to call you again?" from behind we could see him shutter for a minute and then walk on like he didn't hear me. Paul couldn't resist playing along.

"Oh riiiight. What waaas it?" Quil was still trying to out walk us, but we could hear him grinding his teeth.

"Humm, let me see." I was tapping my chin to make of show of it for Brady. Paul pretended to ponder too.

"Bubby, ……..Baxter?" I waited a few seconds to let Quil's skin tingle in anticipation.

"…..Barney?" Quil threw his arms in the air and then turned to yell at us.

" BULLWINKLE ok? Bullwinkle. Bullwinkle. Bullwinkle. Funny funny for everyone. Now let's stop talking about this." We stifled our giggles to look at Brady's expression. He still looked confused. Quil rolled his eyes and huffed.

"Bullwinkle….ya know, like a moose………..what _cougars_ eat." We waited anxiously for Brady to comment.

"…………I don't get it." Paul almost fell on the ground and I had to bend over and rest my arms on my knees we were laughing so hard. Quil groaned again and took the towel from around his shoulders and snapped it at Paul like we were in a locker room. Paul, back in his playful mood, jumped up and took his ninja stance, ready to fight. While Bullwinkle and Ron Jeremy wrestled in the road behind us, I kept walking and put my arm over Bray Bray's shoulders.

"See, I know it seems like all we do is bust balls around here, but we're a family. I would take a bullet for these guys. Well, most of um. And one day soon, after they've dropped, we're gunna bust your balls too." Brady smiled at the joke, but looked uneasy. I just chuckled and patted his shoulder. "Welcome to the pack, Bradykins."

We winded the bend to Jake's house a few minutes later. Billy had just pulled up and Sam got out of the passenger seat of the truck. Brady and I were climbing all over his fence, doing flips off it, and Quil and Paul were still in the middle of karate chopping each other.

"Professor Xavier!"

"Hey boys."

"You R lookin buff today. What have your old bone been up to?"

"The usual, ice hockey, soccer, yoga, ya know…for the ladies." Ha, that old cripple was alright. Sam wheeled him into the house. We automatically grabbed for the bags in the bed of the truck and brought them inside.

"So where's that daughter of yours?" Sam answered.

"Still on patrol, I told him he could rest up. Said he'd rather be workin." Paul commented this time.

"Still? He was making the rounds when I got off at 6 this morning."

"Yea well, he's kind of wound up, I think he needs to run it off." Speaking of which, this definitely needed to be mauled over.

"So he really kissed her huh? Well, at least he finally grew some balls." Yesterday, our little alpha Jr. took the plunge and liplocked Miss Bellettlejuice. She did punch him in the face, and the best way to get a girl to like you is probably not to cause her to be in need of an x-ray. But hey, we were just proud he was getting any at all. At this point he was probably masturbating as much as Collin. Paul was not as impressed.

"Pff, right. Balls would have been throwing her over his shoulder and bending her over the couch." We all, even Billy, shook our heads at him exasperated. For as much ass as he got, he really was so clueless with girls. Paul put his hands up in confusion.

"What?" As I started putting things away into the cabinets, I had to vocalize what no doubt, we all were thinking.

"I hope to God that when you do put it in the hole that counts, you at least double bag it. Someone like you should never have the power to reproduce." Sam laughed with the rest of us, and Billy started for the refrigerated stuff. We were all helping, but Billy seemed like he had something more to say.

"He did have a point you know, men in this tribe have some powerful baby juice, kids. We never shoot blanks. We shoot to kill. I just want to make sure you're all wearing your raincoats." It was never creepy when Billy talked to us like a pack step-daddy. Unlike if Mrs. Ateara were to say such things, there was no disappointment or judgments. "We don't need any more cubs running around right now." We all groaned our 'we understands' except Brady, who nodded his head vigorously in fear. Sam looked smug at all of us like this lecture was coming from his lips too, until he saw Billy had his eyebrow raised and was looking right at him. Everyone knew they were together forever, but they still weren't officially married. Billy didn't care, but a lot of people did. So unless he was tossing the salad, he had to wear magnum-valley dressing like the rest of us.

Paul was moving boxes around in the cupboard, putting the Cheerios away. Behind some powdered Gatorade and a bag of navy beans he discovered a box of Peeps.

"Those look like they've been left over from Easter, man. They probably taste like granny pussy." Paul shrugged.

"Wouldn't be the first time." Sam rolled his eyes, I shuttered in disgust, and Brady just looked horrified. The kid really was going to have to learn how to use his bullshitometer if he was gunna hang with us. Paul popped two stale, yellow ducks into his mouth. "Hmmm, not quite granny (he took a few seconds, thoughtfully chewing) I'd say more like…..used up single mom." Then, handing the box towards Quil with a sly smile on his face, "Peep?"

Bullwinkle looked really mad this time. He crouched about to spring, and it looked like Ron Jeremy was going to have to live out his career with his dick ripped off. Billy was putting milk away when he chimed in.

"No fighting in the house." he decreed in an eerie, adult sounding tone. Then in a more Billy-like voice, "If you guys are gunna get blood all over everything, take that shit out back."

With Quil's fist mid-punch in Paul's gut, Sam reminded him it was almost time for his shift.

"You better get started on your rounds. You can take the outer and Collin and Leah have the inner. And tell Jake and the guys to get their asses home. I want everyone ready for tonight." We hadn't smelled any new developments around Bella's house for over a week now. Unless it was the night shift, we had severely cut back on the size of our hunting parties. "Emily said she wanted to leave at 3 or so, so be at the cottage by 2:30."

Whenever Emily took day trips up to the Makah res nowadays, Quil ALWAYS tagged along. Wendy knew all about what was going on, and after sobbing over it a while, she accepted it like everybody else. Violet and Claire's dad however, was freaked the fuck out. He wasn't allowed in on our little secret, so he was under the assumption that Quil was about to be a teen dad and Emily always brought him to get in some kiddy practice. I wonder what he'd do to him if he knew someday Quil would be the one teaching Claire how to doggy style. The thought alone made me smile and contemplate leaking the info myself.

Being reminded that he was gunna see his imprint later, he abandoned the tussle with Paul and made his way out the door to phase. This however reminded me of mine. She was in Port Angeles today with her mother picking up Charlie's grad gift. She was going to visit her grandmother in England in a couple of weeks and they were at a travel agent seeing how much it would cost for Charlie and her cousin to hop a train and spend a weekend in Paris. I hadn't gone this long without seeing her since the fag wedding. I had been really careful not to think about the other night with the guys in my head. Not that I was embarrassed, quite the opposite. The fact that Kimmy had actually initiated the next step made me prouder than the Yankees. I just wasn't ready to share that memory with anyone yet. I selfishly wanted it to be just for me for the time being.

We huddled around the T.V. in the living room. A game was on and Billy started putting some snacks in the oven for us. After an inning, I walked back into the kitchen and hopped up on the counter. Billy was taking some cheese sticks out of the oven and I grabbed a bag of pretzels. I took this moment of Paul's distraction to talk to Billy.

"So Billy, how is he, honestly?"

"Oh you know, haven't seem him this excited in a while. It's good for him. Something to look forward to again." Sam walked into the kitchen and leaned on the counter across from me.

"You're not afraid he's just building himself up to fail. You know how territorial these Leeches are. He has to know this isn't exactly the easiest way…"

"Easy's never been Jake. He's stubborn that way, got too much of his mom in him." Sam adjusted himself.

"I think what Jared is trying to say is…if things go South with this, I don't know if he's gunna be able to deal with the consequences." Oh boy, here we are skirting around the elephant in the room again. How could she even consider such a thing?

"Boys, I don't know what to tell you…he gets so worked up over her. You've seen how he fidgets and bounces up and down when she's around. If he wants to try and sneak in feel or two, well…..well I guess I'm just holding out for Charlie's sake. He'd miss her more than he knows."

"But what if this whole thing blows up his in face? And it turns out to be just a repeat of last time, but worse. Ya know if she…." I trailed off. Nobody wanted to ever talk about what she let slip to Jake a few weeks ago. The treaty had become bitter like vinegar to us. We all would have probably preferred no treaty at all, but with a coven that big……. well there's no denying that that war would come at some kind of price.

"I dunno……He thinks he loves her, and Hell, he probably does. Reminds me of Charlie back in the day. He was head over heels for that woman. Would have probably followed her out of Forks if she'd asked. But Rene was a tornado. Charlie just wasn't built that way." He paused for a few moments. "Even if Bella did change her mind, I don't know if my boy could keep up. But God love him for trying."

Obviously Billy didn't want to think about the occurrences that could break the treaty either. Our entire lives were based around the protection of human life now. And knowing she would so willingly….ugh, what a selfish bitch. She knows what she does to Jake. At least she'd have the decency to stay away. He'd get over it …..sooner or later. After thinking, Billy added "He's always been a fighter, even before he was born. Doc's said it was too early, but Jake knew it was his time. Banging his way out of the womb. When he sets his mind to something, well…" I guess that was the best we could all hope for. Jake would use his graces to woo over the little Forks fiend and the Cullen's would pack up and move on. No reason not to hope for the best now. "Well I'll just say that Cullen kid better buckle up."

Sam, Billy, and I smiled at the uplifting ending to the conversation. But after the momentary mood floated away, a sad silence fell over the kitchen. No matter how we lied to ourselves, we pretty much knew this was gunna end badly.

Paul started screaming profanities at the short stop just as Jake and Seth plowed though the door.

"Oh hey guys, what's a…….what's goin on?" He took in our forlorn faces. I wiped mine off and jumped down from the counter. I walked over to him and smiled.

"Next time………..I hope she kicks you in the nuts." Jake laughed and everyone relaxed a little and started smiling again. Jake opened the fridge and Seth leaned in to the cookie sheet and took a cheesestick.

"Oh yea, Billy I was meaning to talk to you. My mom……she was making pies this morning."

"Hmph, let me go change my shirt" Sue making pies was not a good sign. After Harry died she locked herself in her kitchen for three days. Wouldn't let anyone in or out. Just kept whipping up cherry, key lime, apple, raspberry, rhubarb and blueberry pies. Even at my house we had pie for two weeks after that. Every time she gets upset and feels out of control, she buys out the entire Pillsbury section of every surrounding grocery store. Billy put down the oven mitts and wheeled himself to his room.

"Is Embry still on the job?" Sam inquired because he didn't want anyone too worn out for the big shift tonight. Jake answered after tossing a hot cheese stick into his mouth.

"Nope, phased out after Quil came on. Headed over to Brady's place. Said he needed to pick some stuff up for his mom."

"I had no idea Brady's parents started selling Vagisil at their store. I guess it goes to show what the people want, the people will get." Everyone giggled a little but I found very little satisfaction if the target of my jokes wasn't there to retaliate.

Billy wheeled himself out and went for the last bag on the floor.

"Alright guys I'll be over at the Clearwater's for a while, stay out of trouble." His comment was to all of us but he was scowling right at Paul when he said it. No doubt coming to his own conclusions of what could have gotten Sue so upset. He took out two six packs and put them on the table. "Now I want all you boys to know that I trust you not to touch my beer. That's why I've already counted them and I want all _SIX_ to be here when I get back." Eyeing us meaningfully and then pushing towards the door. He really was the greatest old fuck. Sam went out the door to Help Billy into the truck. I twisted one out of the plastic and threw it towards Jake, who was already sitting in front of the T.V. He didn't tear his eyes away from the screen, but still reached up and grabbed it out of the air at the perfect time. Wolf senses. I grabbed one for me and Paul got up to get his own. I turned around just in time to see Brady leaning his head back to take a big gulp. I swiped it away before he got any.

"No, no, no Braybrains. First beaver…_then_ beer. If you learn things out of order, your training will suffer." Really I just didn't want Billy to run me over with his chair if he found out I got the little dude buzzed. We all gravitated back to the game. After a while, my thoughts floated back to Kimmy. What she was doing now. What she was wearing. What it felt like to have those beautiful dripping lips wrapped around my….oh no no little Jared. Now is NOT the time to get excited. Don't worry, I'll watch this movie again when it's just you and I. I finished the last gulp of beer and then hopped up to take a leak. Hoping the few minutes alone with my dick would be enough to talk him out of his feisty mood.

Half way down the hall, I encountered and daydreaming Paul who had not yet returned from his potty break. He was staring off into space at the group of framed pictures hanging in the hallway. The one he was focused on was the family portrait that was really old. Jake and his sisters were all wearing awful 90's swishy suits and his mom was in the picture. He must have been really out of it because he didn't even notice me coming. I hung my arm around his shoulder and took him out of his daze.

"I can't say I didn't see this coming. Jake's a really good looking guy. Even back then. I don't know if he swings the same way man, but you might as well tell him how you feel." He startled and then looked at me. I leaned in, seriously. "True love is worth taking risks for" He threw my shoulder off and then called me something like a fuck faced cock eater. Before he could throw a punch, and before I could point out the irony of his last comment, we heard Brady yell a terrified 'OH MY GOD' back in the living room.

By the time we got down the hall, Brady was sitting by himself on the end of the sofa and everyone else looked as confused as we did. Brady had his hands in the air and his eyes were big with enthusiastic excitement. He looked at us.

"OH MY GOD….WHAT COUGARS EAT….I GET IT!!"

*** I take payment in the form of reviews, and its time to collect ***


	11. Chapter 11, Solitaire

HELLO GORGEOUS! I know I know, I should be beaten over a rock for how long it's been. I'm not even going to bore you all with my excuses. Just know I'm back. FOR real. I actually just hope somebody out there still reads this. So anyways, I'm sure I'm a little rusty but just like any old fling, after the first few awkward backseat rendezvous', the fires heat up and _things_ get smooth. Especially when we're talking about my sassy little piece of man meat. Anyways…back to business.

:: As always, Mrs. Meyer…you are the chef in this 5 star kitchen. I'm the just the pastry che…scratch that. I'm the guy who washes the dishes. Please don't hate a playa just trying to cover your werewolf in chocolate and penutbutter. He's a filthy boy. He needed a little peanutbutter.

******************8*****************************Solitaire*****************************************************

I waited till she was completely focused on the road. Good and distracted. My assault needed to be a surprise. With no attempt to defend herself. Like a wolf-ninja stalking his prey.

I crept my hand onto her thigh. That's right sweetie. Just think I'm caressing your leg with affection. Absolutely no hint of sneekyness. She shifted her weight on the wheel, like she thought she could just ignore her way out of it. Oh no baby. The hand snuck a little closer to her heat and she giggled and slapped it away.

"Nooo" she smiled and mouthed to me while adding a "w" sound to the end. I wasn't taking no for an answer right now. I snuck in again and put my face a little closer to her neck.

"Baby, not _now_"

"Come on…I can do it quick." Even if it's her pleasure, I was begging more for myself than trying to convince her. Just feeling her do that almost does it for me.

"I don't wanna…ya know, in my panties. I have to wear these all day."

"No problem babe. We'll just finish this…" I nuzzled my face into her neck and then put my fingers back up her shorts." And then we'll just pop these puppies off. I'll even take them for safe keeping. Don't worry about it."

No she finally giggled with her mouth but her eyes were just begging me to disagree. I retreated for now. Alright little vixen. We'll play your way for now. Just wait till later. You'll be no match for the ninja.

I helped her carry this big box of stuff inside. So prepared, my little girl scout. Who knows what stuff she's brought with her to entertain the 7; yes I say 7 hellions of the Abram's clan. My girl was a trooper. After she was greeted at the door by the girls, (already wearing tutus over their clothes) I followed her inside. Out of nowhere, Colin shoved his oversized, homosexual tendencied arm across the door frame to stop my advance.

"Pay the toll, asswipe." It's really a mystery why women don't regularly throw their underwear at him. I rolled my eyes and took my parcel out of the back of my pants, where I'd been hiding it from Kimmy. I unrolled it and displayed it in front of my chest.

"November. 2005. Special edition…In bed with the girls next door." Porn meant nothing to me now. But this wasn't just porn. This was practically an antique. A piece of priceless Playboy history. Something I would have passed down to my many, many sons someday. But easily worth trading in exchange for Collin to keep is wide open pie hole closed about our little joint-sitting venture. His mom being besties with Hannah and the info no doubt finding its way back to her. He tried not to look as pleased as he really was and retreated back to his room to do God knows,… well actually everyone knows what.

My Kimby was super responsible about her duties. There wasn't nearly as much Jared loving as I was hoping for. But any time with my precious was the best time I always had. Everyone had a snack of peanut butter apples and popcorn. Everyone except Alex (the second youngest) who insisted on fruit snacks shaped like dinosaurs. We played red light green light for a straight fucking hour and then Kim suggested watching something along the Disney route while playing Old maid with the older ones. She was so great with kids. My mind always seemed to wander to what she would look like with ours. And then it would wander to what she would look like when we made ours. AHH not here, not here. Ok. The dentist. Dead puppies. Come on little Jared anything, anything. And then, voila. Collin, and his almost identical brother Briston, playing what looks like a one on one game of dodgeball. Unable to decide which one looks like a bigger douche, I became perfect and deflated. Just in time for Kimmy of course, to sneak over and tell me it was the time I told her to remind me of when it was now.

Fowled again! Even though it was only late afternoon, in my fantasy of this day all the children would be tucked into bed and I would be getting her naked on the kitchen counter, telling her what a naughty babysitter she was. In real life though, I had patrol in an hour. She walked me to the door and I pouted a little as she kissed me goodbye. Then, like a birthday surprise, she grabbed hold of my dick and whispered "tonight" in my ear. I was in such pleasant shock I couldn't say anything to her as she scurried back into the family room just in time for Aladdin to do something I don't care about right now. I was half way down the driveway before I could formulate words again. I extended my hands and looked at the sky.

Thank you Jesus.

I decided to jog over to Paul's place. We had patrol in an hour and I wanted some Oreos. His cousin's truck was gone and I didn't see the kids anywhere. He must be home alone. We don't knock at each others houses so when I walked in I could smell how not alone he was. I knew from the rattling around of furniture that he was in his grandma's room. It wouldn't be the first time I caught him plugging in there. Sometimes he has sex in his grandma's room if she's not there because _his_ bed is the size of stick of gum. I peeked around the corner and just saw him standing at her dresser, obviously looking for something. He knew I was there and said hey to me over his shoulder.

"Risky isn't it? Not putting away your toys right after you've played with them?"

"Gramps is gone all day. Lucas took her to Walla. They won't be back till tonight." Ah, every second Sunday of the month, his grandma took cookies to his dad in prison. Yup, there are layers to this kid that you have no idea. Normally nothing more than different colored condoms, but layers none the less. And then I saw Amy, or at least an ugly blow doll that looked like her, sleeping and tangled in the fitted sheet that had probably been ripped off the mattress during their last round. By the smell of things, I'd say she'd org'ed about 15 minutes ago. To think I'd barely missed out on her screaming Paul's name and begging him to "cum hard the way she likes it". Poor me. And then I realized he had a towel wrapped around his waste like he just got out of the shower. He was having regular sex with this girl and the thought of even having her sweat linger on him disgusted him enough to bath directly after. But I still couldn't get over the sprawled out, slutty bag of trash that was face down and half snoring in the middle of the room as he riffled through his grandma's sock drawer. He noticed me cocking an eyebrow at her and then looked where I was looking. He turned back around like he expected something more interesting to take my attention.

"Same hole, different day." He shrugged, nonchalantly.

After getting over the absurdity of the scene before me, I took a seat in the folding chair sitting next to the night stand with all the pills. I rested my hands behind my head, propped my feet up on the end of the bed, and genuinely giggled at the sight of Paul going about his business as if the passed out naked girl was just another piece of furniture.

"So I guess this (pointing up and down her body) is still chugging away?" He looked up from the drawer he was currently rummaging through and rolled his eyes at me in the reflection of the mirror. He closed the drawer and started tossing another one around.

It was a few minutes before we spoke to each other again. He had moved on to the shoeboxes at the top of the closet. I had found a deck of cards wedged under an economy bottle of osteoporosis supplements. At first I just shuffled them back and forth in my hands, but then laid them out in front of me on a spot of mattress a few inches away from her face. Even if I wasn't in love with the most perfect girl in the world, I just don't understand how this prostitute creature was supposed to be appealing. Here she was on her stomach. Hair tangled and face smashed into the bed. What was once probably a pound and a half of caked on-Dollar store eye makeup, is now nothing but crusty crack whore raccoon eyes, making her look like the black-eyed battered wife she aspires to be. I swear that if she's still asleep by the time I finish this game of solitaire, slut is getting sharpie dick'd right on the forehead. Then Paul picked up a box under a pile of clothes and looked defeated.

"Oh ….sweet twat of a virgin!" He brought the box over to the end of the bed and dumped out hundreds of receipts, envelopes, photocopy's, notes on napkins, etc. He slumped his shoulders so that his arms hung down and leaned his head back in agony. He started sifting through the mess as I hit a tough spot in my game of Solitaire. Sleeping Butt-Ugly stirred a little and groaned. We both looked over like we had forgotten she was in the room. Mostly annoyed that she couldn't just pack up and leave as soon as Paul was finished like a good lil' roll in the hey. Already willing to forget she existed, both in the room and in general, we went back to our tasks.

"So what's the big fucking Easter egg hunt for." I asked as I pulled the fourth Queen from the pile.

"Got a call. Said we're late on the electricity. I think the midgets' child support check is in here somewhere."

Oh my little Pauly-wally. His grandmother's declining health was the main reason we kept her in the dark. She was starting to forget things. Just small things and doing crazy old people stuff. A few weeks ago, Paul got off patrol and found her stir-frying a pair of Betsy's socks. Once she even leaned over the table to me and told me that Kim had kind eyes. Eyes that can take pain away she said. His grandma then very seriously smiled and told me that she was the most precious thing I'd ever have. I couldn't agree more with the old bag. Of course, a few minutes later she started getting ready for a date that she claimed she had with Cary Grant that night. Crazy she may be, but the bitch knows her shit. The kind of old lady that sometimes accidentally cleans the windows with mouthwash, but during her lucid moments can cure scarlet fever with a homemade remedy of onions and yard weeds. Besides, she's still right. There's nothing more perfect in the world than my Kimberley. Props to the sweet old nut case.

Paul put on some boxers. I pulled another card . A fucking Jack? Where the Hell am I suppose to put this?

"So this party, what did Sam finally decide?" I settled for laying the useless card on top of WeWillyHerpe's left eye, like a patch. Making the internal joke that she now truly looked like a dirty pirate hooker.

"Oh?…" He looked up from a legal looking document and then looked instantly bored. "Ya know Jake." He made a jerking off motion with his hands. "Willing to go into the belly of the fucking beast just for a little spank bank material." He rifled a little more and then started skimming another envelope for the check he was looking for. "Sam hasn't decided yet. But Embry's against it all the way. Sam's on the fence…for now." I hadn't had a shift with Jacob since before he got bitch slapped. But apparently he wanted to go to this Cullen gay-rave now. Wanted to stroll right up to their haunted house and eat fucking cheese puffs with deer blood dip. We just couldn't seem to talk him out of it.

"Geez Jake, what a pussy punching bag." Paul nodded his agreement with me but we were both so bored with this subject. We were, undoubtedly, thinking the same thing. We probably wanted him to go more than not, just so he could start the fight we would get to assist in and then finish once and for all. If Jake wants to waltz into the fucking Deathstar and do the electric slide, then by all means. As long as the result is us getting to tear apart some bloodbags that's fine by me. But new subject. If we talked about this anymore I might kill myself. We both got up and started looking through the living room.

"So…Natalie then, your battle plan?"

He stopped what he was doing at the mention of little miss ladyBrady. Then he closed his eyes in prayer and held his hands out like he was holding two imaginary watermelons.

Still with his eyes closed. "Mmmm…the things I would lick off her ass."

"I figured."

"I'll definitely get around to it. Those tits are just screaming to be fucked. I give it 8 min before you hear her calling me daddy on all fours."

"She's a little young to be butt fucking dude."

"Ehh, you know what I always say. If there's grass on the field,… play with my balls."

…"You really are gunna rot in some kinda sluty hell you know."

"As long as the chicks are hot."

I'd moved on to a stack of messy magazines and reader's digests next to the recliner. He started looking through some scattered papers on top of the microwave.

"All this is chop talk anyway. I know something's going on with Kim. You only think about Nickelodeon shows on patrol when you're trying to hide something from me."

"Oh, you're full of shit"

"_Please_! I listened to you think about 6 consecutive episodes of Are you afraid of the Dark last night. Which means its something wet and juicy isn't it?" I wasn't going to be able to hide this from him forever. We are bromantically involved.

"A gentleman doesn't cum and tell."

"Oh man. You finally baked the sausage didn't you? I knew you were too fucking smug. So what's the deal? Does she fuck dirty? I bet she fucks dirty." I gave him the stink eye out of automatic reaction. It's just his nature to be filthy. But BF or not, I don't like anybody talking about my princess with a mouth full of shitjizz. I took a minute to calm down and smooth my face out.

"Well no….but her and little Jared came to an understanding. And by understanding, I mean her mouth around him."

"Nice."

"Yea. It was all her. And completely fantastic."

"But you'd say that even if she'd hoovered."

"Well she didn't. But you're right. It's just ….different. It was the best times a million. I can't even explain how good it felt. You'll know someday. And when you're licking up that hairy old lady pussy that was meant for you, you'll think it's the best too."

"Pffff. The day this dick goes monogamous is the same day I fangbang a Cullen." I took a break from searching and headed into the kitchenette.

"Well at least you're keeping your options open." I took a swig from the milk carton I'd gotten out of the fridge. "But do you think you'd have to be the bear cub in this situation? Cause the big black haired one's kinda beefy." I smiled. He sucker punched me in the gut. Then he reached behind him to the counter he was leaning on for the cookies.

"Oh right, pretend you wouldn't be on your knees sucking a big dead corpse cock if…_Kimby_ asked you to. Because you would in a sec…." He looked surprised and then turned around and yelled "Hey-Oh!" the way people shout when they've sunk an impossible free throw. Then, ever so slowly, he pulled a folded envelope out of the ceramic lighthouse cookie jar.

"Well punt a cunt!" His grandma really was off her rocker.

"Thank God. Last time we had candles for three days and Nicky set the end of the couch on fire with a burning marshmallow."

That was it for a while. We both had a cookie and stood pleased with ourselves in silence. Most of the time we didn't have to say anything. That's why we got along so well. I would never let him see it in my thoughts, but you had to feel sorry for the guy. I mean nobody around here had money. But Paul's little thrown together family had shit. My mom always found ways to accidentally make extra meatloaf or lasagna that was just going to go to waste because we couldn't possibly eat it all ourselves. Even Mr. Casados would trade Betsy and Nicky an ice cream cone for interesting rocks they'd find on the ground. He was a dick, sure. But when you've been kicked around your whole life like Paul has, you'd be quick to furplode the first time some vamp-loving bitch punches you in the face too.

He went to the closet sized room he shared with Lucas on the other side of the trailer, probably to get some pants. I finished the carton of milk and washed my hands. Just like every time I'd been to his house, the mug with a picture of 4 year old Paul and his dad sitting on the back of a truck was looking at me. She had it sitting on the window sill next to a kitchen timer, so she could look at it everyday when she did the dishes. It was the same way people proudly displayed the ugly glazed ashtrays their kids brought home from art class. And sadly, it was the only evidence of his dad Paul let openly exist. All the other photographs, baseball gloves, and reminders, he'd packed away long ago. Through the stages of loss, blame, and currently; apathy. It had been two years since he'd even gone to visit him. Lucas had to take his grandmother every month now. There was a pain only visible in the far depths of his mind that he would never actually let anyone know about . But since we were all privy to it regardless, no one ever brought it up. As he grew up and knew that people like my dad and Billy Black existed, I guess it's easy to realize how much you don't need someone that isn't any good for you. So this was all that was left of a father that was never there. A box of hidden away birthday cards and old flannel shirts….and a fucking homemade coffee mug.

He came back out with cut off shorts on, and looked puzzled and disgusted towards his grandma's room.

"What are you gunna do about that?" I asked and nodded towards her room like I was talking about a bag of unwanted clothes."

"Hell if I care. Probably just wrap her up like dishes in a table cloth and fling her out in the yard." I chuckled. Because I was only 35% sure he was kidding.

And that's when we heard it. A whispery and pathetic kitten like voice, scratchy and horse from still half sleeping. Trickling out of the bedroom from a naked, face down, pirate whore. It was like a formal, notarized letter of resignation. In those few little words she had solidified the giant "GAME OVER" sign flashing across Paul's horrified face.

"Pauly? Are you there? Come back and cuddle baby."

I hope you enjoyed the ride little lady. Because this is a non-stop, non-return flight to FUCKING ANYWHERE BUT HERE. All passengers take your seats and never expect to be called or even acknowledged ever again. Please enjoy the complimentary peanuts while we burn all the sheets you've ever touched. And make sure your tray tables are in their upright and locked position so we can roll you out of the house and lock the door behind you. On behalf of your entire flight crew, we thank you for flying United because in two weeks he won't even remember your name.

Bon voyage, Amy the SuperSkank.

*** Come on fellow Jared lovers. Let me know you still care***


	12. Chapter 12, VeggieTales

So…Welcome back. All I can say is great things are coming to you. I normally have a little tid-bit or proe to let you guys in on what's in store long term for my Prince Charming, but I'll skip the theatrics this once to just get you straight to the goodies. Much love…

Attention: I don't mean to steal anything (Besides possibly names, content, and basically everything about the Twilight world). I'll give it back if you so wish, but not without kicking and screaming and chaining myself to a tree. Don't sue. Give peace a chance.

*********************************************************************VeggieTales***************************************************************************

This is how it would be written. This is how the greatest and proudest moment in the history of our people would someday be told to our grandchildren around a campfire. Three menacing wolves, One wolfette, Two baby cubs, and "I-dropped-the-soap-again" Collin, hiding in the bushes across the road from the Cullen boundary line like a group of fucking furry peeping Tom's. We are cold hearted killers. A team of precision force, specifically engineered hunters of evil. And here we are. Twice the size of your average horse, diligently waiting on Daddy's order to attack, and trying to stay out of sight from all the fucking Toyota Camry's passing by.

After Jake broke Madame Fangbanger's hand with his face), there was like less than a sperm sized chance we were gunna talk him out of actually going to the Crypt Keepers' graduation party. So naturally Iceman and Cougar threw around some sentiments like "over their dead bodies if he thought he was going without them." And finally, Sam letting Jake do whatever the Hell he wants straight off the page from The Adventures of Daddy Warballs and little orphan Assface. Sam neglected giving Jake the same nut-crunching as the rest of us. Blood line or no, there's been a slight tinge of resentment from the rest of the gang lately because of all the preferential freedom Jake was allowed, regardless to safety of the tribe. When things cooled down, words would be had.

But I'm getting off topic. It had been 15 minutes since Embry, Quil, and Jake had de-furred and crossed the line to head up the road to the Cullen place. The rest of us were spread out on the line, ready to sprint up the drive at the first howl of trouble. Part of me was annoyed we were entertaining this at all. There were any number of Kimmy's body parts I would have much rather stayed home and sucked on. But the other part of me was adrenaline pumped that we were going to be able to finish this once and for all. But the last 15 minutes hadn't been that eventful, so my mind kept wandering to her beautiful little back dimples. The way her hair falls in front of her face when she leans over. The way she feels when she's on top of me. The way I feel when she's on top of m…and then Sam's in my head. Not yelling at me, but steering my focus back on track, reminding me where my attention needs to be. Man has mad skills. I don't know how he does it. At any given time he's got 10 times as much as the rest of us in his head, but it's all crazy organized and on point. Like a thousand little stacks of paper on a desk. The most important, in the middle, but at the same time keeping track of everything else. Being able to move whatever he's thinking about around at the touch of his fingers, while also keeping track of everything in our heads. You have to give the man fucking wolf respect to the highest order.

We were definitely all wired. Hopped up on the idea of a fight but worried about what that would mean for all the people in the way. At best, Jake would take a chunk out of one of them, and then lure the rest out into the woods. But shit happens. How many bystanders would get hurt if not drained in the cross fire? Even though Kimby would be upset, I secretly hoped Charlotte would be the unlucky one standing next to the punch bowl when Blondylocks gets overcome with blood lust. She had, in fact, laid her spider web of deception and was in attendance to make so and so jealous OH WHO FUCKING CARES? The point is, at least it would be a death I could attribute to karma.

But mostly we're all just trying not to daydream and keep our minds clear and on target. The little ones had more trouble focusing, but that's just lack of practice. Seth was getting better, but Brady still had a few overwhelming episodes of ADHD. But we were good otherwise. It was now really only Collin who used 'everybody's phased time' to exploit whatever he felt like. For example, he's currently telling Seth (the only one quiet enough to just roll over and listen) about this girl who he had pinned up against a bathroom stall and was fingering and…wait a minute, WHAT? I know we're all really in the zone, but I can't believe I didn't notice what he was talking about. Shocked, I just kind of let him keep going.

"So yea, she really liked it when I held her down a little. Chicks totally get into that shit." Seth just kind of pondered absentmindedly, like he was confused to just why he was the one being told.

"She was making little noises and everything. It was awesome!"

Jigga what the Hell? That's it. I'd hit my official refuckingdiculous quota.

"I. Call. Bullshit! I call bullshit on your lying, dying ass!"

"I swear to God. One minute, I'm looking at sleeping bags, the next, we're in the bathroom and I'm two fingers deep!" There was a pleased aura around him. Like he didn't mind us not believing him the first time, because he liked going into detail again. Through this whole ordeal, he's broadcasting some pretty realistic mental pictures, but that really doesn't validate anything in Collin's case. He's the type that bullshits so often; that even he can't tell what's made up at this point. We have bigger picture plans that this skill( when better honed) will really come in handy with that mind fucking bloodsucker, but until that time all he can accomplish is regaling us with all of his playground sexual fantasies that always seem to happen with girls "we wouldn't know". The latest being this particular string of rubbish. Out of all the people in this crumby town to be seduced in the bathroom at Newton's Sporting Goods, it would at least have to have happened to Paul before that douche. Paul shared my sentiments.

"So cum bucket, what you're saying is, that a girl, (one with tits still attached) chose you at random.. and then let you dip in the twat…..for free" Ha. Paul was the only one willing to admit that shit like that happens all the time. Just not to Collin.

"For realllll. She was so fucking hot. And oh god…soo wet" Pa-lease! This was turning into one of those stories told by a virgin, using lingo he'd picked up from soft porn on Skinimax.

"I'm sure. And her breasts were like silky bags of sand, were they?" Leah, who had been trying her damndest to stay out of this, finally opened her flood gates of disgust.

"Listen you assholes. There is not a shred of dignified truth to anything you're saying and it really makes you all look like fucking retards playing it up." What a buzz kill….She was also the one that burst our bubble by letting on that giving a girl an hour long orgasm was like urban myth. It was like a 5 year old watching the head come off of an amusement park character and seeing him light up a fat joint. Whereas Collin always ruined our fun by being a cunt, she always did it by just being lame. Paul might have been scared shitless alone, but he felt safety in numbers.

"No one asked your opinion Le-ah. Don't be such a prudey little…" But Sam cut that bitch short. How unfair it was that she had Daddy dearest always on her side lately. I guess maybe if I'd sucked his cock once upon a time than I would get to.."

"JARED!"

"Shutting…"

We went back to silently waiting until an early 90's mustang filled with teenagers whizzed by, and made the turn up their driveway. We were all watching them with a strange inquisitiveness and horror. We just couldn't understand how these people felt comfortable around these Corpsecocks, let alone purposely drive into their lair. They had to at least get the skivvies or something. Dumb motherfuckers. Another few cars passed. The music and ambient noise from the house was getting louder in the distance.

"What in the hell is taking so long? If I were in there, it would be a quick in and out, like a blow job at a movie theatre. They've been in there for half a fucking hour." Sam wasn't so anxious.

"Remember sweetie pie, the point was NOT to start shit."

"Semantics dude. You know as well as I do 5 minutes together is enough to get Jake and that blood bag at each other's throats. Don't play like you didn't know he went in there to rescue the weak ass princess and sleigh the God damn dragon." Sam thought through his answer tediously. Not that he disagreed in any way, but he was still trying to play peacemaker. Like somebody who never talks behind people's back's. It was like Jake was here and he was trying to beat around the bush for him.

"I know Jacob doesn't always think things through before he does them. But he's our brother. He just needs to figure this shit out…." That was quite enough with think of me as your friend talk for him. "And if you pussies don't stop dicking around and get back in formation, I'm gunna plow each of you to the ground and throw your balls over a telephone wire like a pair of sneakers." Fuuuck yea. Daddy was so badass sometimes. Because we knew he could actually do it if he wanted to. After a few minutes though, the lack of happening was putting all of us on edge again. Even Seth, who normally stays neutrally quiet, was concerned.

"It really has been a long time you guys, ….do you think maybe…something happened to them?" Paul wasn't concerned.

"Nah. Knowing them, there probably just circle jerking each other."

"Ha! That would require Embry to have his penis erect within 100 meters of an actual female."

"Ha ha. Maybe he's just trying to get some tail from a freshman."

"Oh yea! I can see it now. 'Listen little girl. I don't want to die a virgin, and I'm sure you don't want to have to tell your friends that you missed out on seeing the smallest dick in the western hemisphere. So let's blow this joint and experience the best 30 seconds of your life.'"

"Or you know what, maybe he's actually admitted to himself the giant boner he gets for those vampussies."

"You know bro, I can totally see it. Embry's probably fucking the blonde one as we speak. Which would leave Quil taking it up the ass by her thick boyfriend." Sam chuckled for only a moment before mentally clearing his throat for us to cut the crap. The giggles died out and we were back to silent concentration. That is until Brady, almost bashfully, came forward, a little confounded.

"Hey um, Jared. Can I ugh, ask you a question"

"Shoot kido"

"…Are there such things as gay vampires?" Straight from the mouths of babes. Automatically, like the nurturing mother, leaning over to the dad, as if to say that this conversation might take or more delicate touch, I took the queue before Sam could intervene. "Don't worry Sam, I've got this." Everyone else was still stupefied that he would think of such a left field question. Like when children ask why the sky is blue. Something you've never taken the time to care, let alone think about. Sam didn't have time to close his jaw to say anything before I did. I mentally took Brady aside.

"You see darling, sometimes a man's parts just don't work the same way yours do. Sometimes, they like a big, cold cucumber instead of a warm, delicious taco." Brady was listening attentively but skeptical. He still thought everything we said was true, but was at least aware that our goal was to fuck with him. Everyone else listening was still blindsideidly shocked, or now, like Paul, giggling At Brady's attention to my headings. "When I say these things to you, they don't…awaken things inside you do they? You're not…..not thinking about the vampire cucumber now are you?" I was clearly fucking with him. Planting a seed of false doubt among all the curiosity I could see bouncing around in his mind. His eyes got huge and he fervently shook his head back and forth, terrified and denying any such accusation. Even Seth was chuckling now. But all good fun comes to an end when super cunt Collin makes an appearance.

"Ha ha. I knew it. Dude's totally got a woody for leach meat." I rolled my eyes, annoyed.

"Oh, shove it Collin. You're only saying something to distract everyone from your own homo-vamp-erotic wet dreams." He stopped laughing immediately. Every group has one little bit ignorant, overly macho guy that won't even joke about homosexuality.

"Shut the fuck up. I aint no ass fucking vamp-lover. You motherfucker!" I tsk tsk'd and looked back at Brady with my motherly tone.

"Oh Brady, this is lesson number two. You see how Collin uses an umbrella of profanities to cover his own shame? Only someone who actually knows what it feels like to have a cucumber inside them would be so quick to rebut." Then Sam, trying to hide his own little smile, like a teacher caught laughing at a student's dirty joke, composed himself and tried acting like the unbiased adult again.

"Play nice Jared."

Collin was gearing up to backlash me with his own colorful gay accusations. But before he could put them into words, Sam was reiterating. "I said PLAY NICE!"

Collin grumbled and scowled in my direction, plotting how he would get me back later. Pffff, right. I smugly reverted my attention back to the line; victory. It was a few minutes before any of us spoke again. Sam was back on track so we all fell into line, suddenly reminded why we were here and that we shouldn't be side tracked making jokes at the expense of Brady's inexperience.

I did realize though after a little a while that I hadn't actually answered his question. He himself had moved through about 20 other subjects since, but I could still feel that little slice of wonder in the back of his mind. It wasn't an important enough question to really think through, but I didn't want him taking risks in the name of curiosity. So I just slipped him an afterthought.

"I don't really know man. But hopefully you'll have already killed them by the time they try to pin you backwards and give you a poke. In fact, it's best if you just assume they all are. It might give you a little extra motivation to kill them that much faster."

The only comment that could be made was a mental "tru dat" from Paul before our hive mind was bombarded. The three new minds had phased in and we were being flooded with memories and information. All three were almost screaming at us. Plunging everything into us like a pulp fiction needle directly to the brain. Highschoolers. Vampires. Bella. Army of vampires. Seattle. Bad music. Five days. Arrangement with the Cullens. A chocolate fountain (fucking Embry…) Vampires stronger than the Cullens. Meeting with the Cullens later. And Jake's last subconscious contribution: a tinge of jealousy as he watched Bella bury her head into Creep-O's chest.

There wasn't even time to bust his balls about it. This shit is on!

We were all now racing at top speeds back to the Res, discussing strategies and plans of action. With the announcement of this new super-threat, we all subconsciously wanted to get back to our families. But there was no denying the excitement in the air. A fucking full on war. A Battle Royale of bloodbags. It was like Doomsday and Christmas all rolled into one.

It was decided on the way back that when we got to La Push, that half of us would run perimeters, and the other half would be stationed, guarding the families. The Cullen's said they wouldn't be here for a few days but we weren't taking any chances. When everything was finally planned out, the last few minutes till home was nothing but running in our own excited thoughts. Everyone, for the first time, kind of took a minute for themselves and all this new shit. Paul was rocking almost a full-fledged hard on at the idea of ripping apart so many vamps. Seth and Quil were just a little bit scared even if they wouldn't admit it outright. Jake felt justified for some reason or another. Secretly, probably because he felt his deadline had been extended. And Brady felt shame and a little guilty so…wait, guilty? The moment I took public notice of his mental toeing in the dirt, the tiny vision he was chewing over exploded to the front and center for all to see.

There in this hazy imaginative scene, were 20 or so naked vampires, running through the trees, with giant erect cucumbers where their dicks should be, chasing a terrified Brady through the forest as fast as his little puppy paws would take him.

For the first time…ever….every single one of us roared in a thunderous laughter. After a moment of almost painful snickering, Jake, be it a little confused, was the first one to speak.

"Well, you know….I guess things can be hard on all of us."

"…..And that's what she said."

***Alright children, settle down, settle down. You know the drill. If you want more Jar-bear, leave me some love. Bonus: The next chapter MIGHT just have some vampires.***


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